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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 14th February 2018, 4:41 AM   #1
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Complicated

good morning, I hope that what I have to say here is relevant.
This is my first time here and I hope I'll get the answers and the guidance I need .
Well , I'm 22 years old, a 3 years back I met this girl from (Romania,26years old) on a site for ppl who wants to learn languages . We start to talk then we get used to each other , we start to call each other for hours everyday. We had a perfect bond ,we never get enaugh of each other (even when she s working and I m studying ) when we start talking nothing else did matter, to be honnest this is the second time I feel this way for someone ,I fell in love with her ,I never wanted to loose her.The thing is I knew she had a bf , with time I got so attached on her , it was painfull every time she told me she s going to be with him ( he works in another country ,he comes to visit her every couple of months), I change with everytime she was with him . She insisted to know why , she felt there something wrong in us .
I told her everything , I told her that I was so jealeous on her and I can t be that person she used to know no more , I couldn t pretend that I dont feel this way for her , I asked her to block evrywhere and delete me from her life , she didn t want to do that , I pushed her to the limit I insulted her , she didn t want to do it no matter how much i hurt her ( She just was better than I ll ever be ) She told me that she knows that her bf wont be the one she ll end up with and she knows she ll break up with , she asked me to wait and see what futur will bring for us ,after that something wasn t the same between us , we had alot of arguing . Every time we go back to the same point . I asked her if she s happy with him , she said she wont end up with him , does she want to stay with him but always skip the answears .
6 months ago I graduated and was ready to e with her , to settle down. I told her that she need to decide if she want to give me a chance or be with him , she said SHE WASN T READY TO LEAVE HIM YET BUT SHE ACCEPET TO GIVE ME A CHANCE WHILE SHE WAS WITH HIM, TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER SO WE COULD KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER .
that wasn t fair for any of us so I gave her time to think before I leave to France, till 14 this month , I was ready for two poosibilties a yes or no knowing that I tried my best , she always had a third answear it s always the same for her she needs more time. I stopped talking to her for two weeks now , she s sending me msgs saying that she miss me , she s calling me at 2 am . I m really lost , I love this girl more than anything in life what should i do ?
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Old 14th February 2018, 2:09 PM   #2
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She has a boyfriend she likes better than you or she'd choose you, so that means she doesn't like you that much romantically. She will miss you as a friend. Women are often perfectly happy only being friends with guys, whereas not many guys are that way. So you will be miserable, and she will be happy with her boyfriend and you as her friend.

You need to just go about her life. Do you two facetime or Skype? So that you really know what each other is like in real life? If not, you really don't know much about her. You only know about 40 percent, some experts say, unless you have met face to face.

Here is the reality. She has a boyfriend. She's made a friend of you. She doesn't think she'll stay with her boyfriend, BUT she still chooses him over you -- so logically, if she likes you less than her boyfriend, which she does, then she certainly isn't going to stay with you either. She is waiting for someone else to come along who isn't either one of you.

I'm sorry. Just go on with your life. If it's easier to just leaver her behind, then do it. This isn't going anywhere.
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Old 14th February 2018, 3:37 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by O.Amri View Post
I was ready for two poosibilties a yes or no knowing that I tried my best , she always had a third answear it s always the same for her she needs more time. I stopped talking to her for two weeks now , she s sending me msgs saying that she miss me , she s calling me at 2 am . I m really lost , I love this girl more than anything in life what should i do ?
Do you answer the phone when she calls at 2am? If not, it sounds to me like you are ghosting a woman who has asked you to wait for her, a woman you say you love more than anything in life. I wouldn't do that. I'd
- keep communicating
- ask her how long she expects me to wait
- ask her how she'd feel if I found another woman as a romantic partner
and depending on her answers to those questions consider whether I'd be better off looking for someone else. Keep my (and her) options open.
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Old 15th February 2018, 3:51 AM   #4
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Preraph
thanks for your reply , I really needed someone to talk to
we spend hours on video calls , we talk on cam when she is cooking , going out for buying things we talk always , IDK why but when ever I try to wish her goodluck and try to move on , We found each other again . For her, she told me she needs time , the moment she ll be alone I ll be the one but this taking forever. IDK what should i do either she do. She keeps asking me to wait but after years it s really get harder with every day
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Old 15th February 2018, 4:07 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by nospam99 View Post
Do you answer the phone when she calls at 2am? If not, it sounds to me like you are ghosting a woman who has asked you to wait for her, a woman you say you love more than anything in life. I wouldn't do that. I'd
- keep communicating
- ask her how long she expects me to wait
- ask her how she'd feel if I found another woman as a romantic partner
and depending on her answers to those questions consider whether I'd be better off looking for someone else. Keep my (and her) options open.
thanks for your reply , somehow I need this
I use to take her calls , but in this past two weeks she was with him , we use to communicate every day but is hard to talk to her while she s whith him . She said she doesn t know what to do with her life , she asks me to wait , she tells me that I m already in your heart but it s always the same thing like e are in the same cercle . It s really painfull when ever I ask her for a chance . If she said no I would respect that , I can t make her love me but I couldn t just let go , I tried so many times but it was impossible for me knowing that there is a chance for us to be together . I m lost of what the next step should be for me.
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Old 26th February 2018, 7:52 PM   #6
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If you truly love someone, you want the best for them. You want them to be happy. This girl has been stringing you along for years while she already has a boyfriend. Is this loving you? Wanting the best for you? She is selfish and just wants to keep the same situation going with two men after her, boosting her ego. If she respected you she would never do this. You have made yourself too easy. Distance yourself, make yourself unavailable. This behavior will most likely get her attention and she will begin to chase you. People want what they canīt have. What is easy has no worth, what is in short supply is sought after. I would distance myself, and as she starts chasing you, run from her as fast as you can and find someone who values you, respects you and would never, ever string you along with no end in sight. You gave her all your power, now claim it back.
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Old 1st March 2018, 11:56 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Angell View Post
If you truly love someone, you want the best for them. You want them to be happy. This girl has been stringing you along for years while she already has a boyfriend. Is this loving you? Wanting the best for you? She is selfish and just wants to keep the same situation going with two men after her, boosting her ego. If she respected you she would never do this. You have made yourself too easy. Distance yourself, make yourself unavailable. This behavior will most likely get her attention and she will begin to chase you. People want what they canīt have. What is easy has no worth, what is in short supply is sought after. I would distance myself, and as she starts chasing you, run from her as fast as you can and find someone who values you, respects you and would never, ever string you along with no end in sight. You gave her all your power, now claim it back.
Thank you for your reply , I can t stop thinking about this . You have a good point but when you truely love someone is not easy to distance yourself .I tried to let go , to say gooodbye , to wish her a goodluck . I missed her every second , I couldn t stop thinking about her . I don t know why it s so hard to move on , maybe is too late for that cz I really used to her , I can t blame her for this , what was her fault in this? I did this , I could just walked away from the beginning .
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