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-   -   clingy/obsessive friend!!! (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/651689-clingy-obsessive-friend)

Slyvanix 5th February 2018 3:02 AM

clingy/obsessive friend!!!
 
Hello all, how does one deal with an overly clingy (nice way of putting it) friend?

So I technically work with her so I'm trying not to make things awkward..she's about my age single and lives at home. She claims she doesn't have "many" friends to hang with so she's always asking me every single week if I can do lunch.

I used to have no problem with that till one time I told her hey I'm broke she's like don't worry about it I'll pay. So I said okay sure...what did she do?? She asked me to pitch in for the tip! I literally had to dig through my coin purse to help. That didn't sit right with me and ever since then I don't want to hang with her anymore.

Every week she asks me to hang week after week (every week). I give her excuse after excuse after lie after lie and she just doesn't get the hint or backs off...

This sounds mean but I'm starting to think she is a little obsessed...like she'll ask what I work daily then text me like not even 5 minutes after I clock off..and if I ignore it she'll still continue to text. I don't mind being her friend but she in a sense is smothering me! I cringe when she texts because it gives me anxiety and stresses me out because she's going to ask to hang out AGAIN after I gave an excuse or a lie as to why I couldn't.

I'm also an introvert so I don't like hanging all the time and especially with her every single week. I do enjoy staying at home. She doesn't seem to listen when I say hey I can't because I'm trying to save money or whatnot.

I don't know how else to get her to back off but to be mean but I'm afraid this will make working with her awkward..Help??!! I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't know what else to do she is literally driving me crazy and it's frustrating me and causing anxiety!

I'm running out of ideas other than to just change my number! It's really stressing me out!!! ������

drakon12 5th February 2018 7:37 AM

I don't suggest that changing your number and ghosting her, because that would only increase her obsession. Obsessive people are like that IMO.

You can solve your problem the direct way or the indirect way.

Direct approach is to tell her that you're an introvert and you don't like getting too involved with people, you have to save money, it's not that she's bad or anything (yeah, she probably is but still) but you don't want your friendship to be like that.

Indirect -or manipulative- approach is to make her run away from you by upsetting her. If you know her political views, you can say that you think exact the opposite (saying that you're a white supremacist would scare away a few people, lol). You can disrespect her in many ways, by ditching her, making her wait a lot when you're meeting, by not picking up your phone when she calls, if you text through Whatsapp you can "see" her texts but without replying. There are many ways to upset people, just read this forum and learn what people are going through to have an insight about those ways :)

Whodatdog 5th February 2018 8:17 AM

Just dont engage, keep any conversation to an absolute minimum, and any request from her are answered with, "no thanks". Dont get involved with the reason why, just a simple no thanks.


Ignore texts. Dont answer.

She'll soon find some else to bother.

preraph 5th February 2018 8:43 PM

Don't ever give details, and just say "I'm busy" or "I don't have time for socializing anymore."

Slyvanix 6th February 2018 1:15 AM

I ignored all her texts tonight. I'm sure I'm going to be asked why I did tomorrow at work. I'm still trying to come up with the "why."...ugh...I'm not good with any kind of confrontation or drama..but this has to stop!

whichwayisup 6th February 2018 2:04 AM

Just tell her you have a lot going on in your life right now and also that you're not big on texting especially once at home. If she has the nerve to push the conversation after you tell her this, then politely say that you are feeling pressured by her and it's off putting.

Cherished gal 6th February 2018 10:04 AM

I don't like confrontation either. And I usually just tell them the way it is. I don't like to go out much and when I do it's usually family or some old friends that I'm trying to stay in contact with. I would tell her she needs to get involved in something so she can find her some good friends.

newlywedder 6th February 2018 2:44 PM

You should be honest and say you would like to see other friends. It will hurt but in the end, she will appreciate your honesty.

Purepony 6th February 2018 3:01 PM

You say you donít like confrontation but this little game youíre playing is making it worse for the both of you.

Be honest with the girl stop lying to Her or anyone I donít think what she did especially when you let her know that you were low on funds so I can understand why that put a sour taste in your mouth

However that also sounds like that was a while ago by now you should not be as broke as you were at that time at least I hope not so first things first review your finances, you should try to work on that so you can avoid those problems in the future not just with her but with anybody else

Second you should tell her via text if you donít want to do it physically. Just be up front and tell her how you feel

Good luck

Whodatdog 6th February 2018 5:49 PM

Tell her you turned your phone off. Often times people will do that to stop the aggravation. I know I do....often.

CC12 7th February 2018 1:54 AM

You should try working on your boundaries, assertiveness, and communication. You seem afraid to be honest with this person who is bothering you and stressing you out. You're making your own life more difficult in order to avoid confrontation and awkwardness. That's not in your best interests.

Next time someone asks you for tip money after they told you they're going to treat you because you have no money, you should be able to say, "Sorry, I told you before that I don't have any money for this. I was under the impression that this was your treat?" (But honestly if this was the main reason you don't want to hang out with her anymore, I think that's a little bit petty. She asked you for a few bucks after she bought your dinner. It's not that cool of her, but it's not the worst thing a person can do to you. And you agreed to it, after all.)

So it's going to feel weird to tell her you don't want to hang out outside of work, but if she's making your life as difficult as you say she is, you're going to have to tell her just that. You can soften it a lot. You can say, "Hey, I enjoy seeing you at work, but I'm not interested in a friendship outside of work. I'm kind of an introvert and like just having time to myself when not working. Hope you understand." It might make things awkward at your job, but that might have to happen in order for her to stop bothering you. If she starts becoming unprofessional in your workplace, you can take it up with management.

Slyvanix 7th February 2018 2:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drakon12 (Post 7530711)
I don't suggest that changing your number and ghosting her, because that would only increase her obsession. Obsessive people are like that IMO.

You can solve your problem the direct way or the indirect way.

Direct approach is to tell her that you're an introvert and you don't like getting too involved with people, you have to save money, it's not that she's bad or anything (yeah, she probably is but still) but you don't want your friendship to be like that.

Indirect -or manipulative- approach is to make her run away from you by upsetting her. If you know her political views, you can say that you think exact the opposite (saying that you're a white supremacist would scare away a few people, lol). You can disrespect her in many ways, by ditching her, making her wait a lot when you're meeting, by not picking up your phone when she calls, if you text through Whatsapp you can "see" her texts but without replying. There are many ways to upset people, just read this forum and learn what people are going through to have an insight about those ways :)

I'm working on the part of telling her I'm an introvert. I need some time first to work up the courage. I'm taking it on a day by day basis.

Slyvanix 7th February 2018 2:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whodatdog (Post 7530727)
Just dont engage, keep any conversation to an absolute minimum, and any request from her are answered with, "no thanks". Dont get involved with the reason why, just a simple no thanks.


Ignore texts. Dont answer.

She'll soon find some else to bother.

I'm doing that. :Last night I ignored all her texts. and if I do choose to reply I take my time before I respond.

Slyvanix 7th February 2018 2:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whichwayisup (Post 7531510)
Just tell her you have a lot going on in your life right now and also that you're not big on texting especially once at home. If she has the nerve to push the conversation after you tell her this, then politely say that you are feeling pressured by her and it's off putting.

That is true I do have a lot going in my life so that wouldn't be a lie. I doubt that even if I told her that it would phase her. She would still text and ask me to hang out like I never told her anything. I need to somehow tell her she is stressing me out to the point it's causing me anxiety. Nobody should feel stressed when their friend is texting. And if they do then maybe it's not a healthy friendship.

Slyvanix 7th February 2018 2:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cherished gal (Post 7531661)
I don't like confrontation either. And I usually just tell them the way it is. I don't like to go out much and when I do it's usually family or some old friends that I'm trying to stay in contact with. I would tell her she needs to get involved in something so she can find her some good friends.

She needs more friends and especially a hobby!


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