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Do friends start leaving you once they've found success?


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Old 26th December 2017, 4:26 PM   #1
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Do friends start leaving you once they've found success?

2017 has been a terrible year for me. I've lost my job, suffered a long-term injury and had to deal with my father's alcoholism.

I had a best friend who I could talk to about anything, I would never ask anything from him, and when he was in a downward spiral, I was there when he needed support.

Now he has found success in terms of career, he's started to become really distant and boastful. I don't even contact him much because I know that he is busy, but when I do contact him (during his off days) he is very dismissive - often only wanting to talk about how great his career is. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, but I just don't feel the same closeness to him anymore.

Should I confront him, or is this just a part of life, losing friends once they find success that is.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:44 PM   #2
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You're on different paths. And when people are riding high on life, they don't want anyone to disturb their bliss. So if you're down and out and he's not... yes, the friendship will fade.

It works the other way as well. You don't have to be a braggart, but if some people even see your potential for success, or if they know you're working toward some dream... they'll either try to push you down or disappear altogether.

It's rare to get two people together who have the same mind and heart... we really don't have as many choices as we think we do when it comes to finding our matches whether it be friendships or lovers.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:55 PM   #3
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Anyway, confronting him means telling him you're pissed off and wanting to vent. Quickest way to get him to disconnect. Don't expect them to respond with understanding.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:56 PM   #4
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Can people be blinded by success? Of course.

It is a part of life. People come and people go. Why make things hard for yourself by hanging onto things in the past? Just be happy for him, and carry on with your own life. If he comes around, then embrace, but if not, then you can always look for another person with whom you can share your thoughts.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:56 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by alec007 View Post
Should I confront him, or is this just a part of life, losing friends once they find success that is.
everyone is in your life for a certain amount of time
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:58 PM   #6
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I don't see it as much as drifting apart because of success as much as it is drifting apart because your lives are now different.

Your friend has found career success and is happy with what he is doing. Naturally everyone loves talking about the things that excite them - in his case bragging about his career. At this point in your lives you have become different people and it's hard to maintain a close friendship when that happens.

I'm in my 20s and I've changed so much over the past 5 years, and as a result my friendship groups have changed many times as my interests become clearer, and others build their lives. However, if you're lucky, in time friends may start to come back if your interests and personalities start to line up again. I drifted away and started having major disagreements with a friend from high school a few years ago. His life has taken off since and now we're as close as ever.

I get the feeling that as the novelty of your friend's new career wears off, he may realise what he has been neglecting. I wouldn't hold out for that, but it's still possible.
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:15 PM   #7
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You're on different paths. And when people are riding high on life, they don't want anyone to disturb their bliss. So if you're down and out and he's not... yes, the friendship will fade.

It works the other way as well. You don't have to be a braggart, but if some people even see your potential for success, or if they know you're working toward some dream... they'll either try to push you down or disappear altogether.

It's rare to get two people together who have the same mind and heart... we really don't have as many choices as we think we do when it comes to finding our matches whether it be friendships or lovers.
I understand, but last year and a couple of years back, I was doing well myself and he was at a very low point. Yet I believe I was comforting when he needed help or advice. One would expect him to return the favour, no? Isn't that what friendships are about? It's not like I'm calling him every day.
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Old 26th December 2017, 5:16 PM   #8
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I don't see it as much as drifting apart because of success as much as it is drifting apart because your lives are now different.

Your friend has found career success and is happy with what he is doing. Naturally everyone loves talking about the things that excite them - in his case bragging about his career. At this point in your lives you have become different people and it's hard to maintain a close friendship when that happens.

I'm in my 20s and I've changed so much over the past 5 years, and as a result my friendship groups have changed many times as my interests become clearer, and others build their lives. However, if you're lucky, in time friends may start to come back if your interests and personalities start to line up again. I drifted away and started having major disagreements with a friend from high school a few years ago. His life has taken off since and now we're as close as ever.

I get the feeling that as the novelty of your friend's new career wears off, he may realise what he has been neglecting. I wouldn't hold out for that, but it's still possible.
I'm only upset because when he was in a really low position, I was there for him. I was doing well and he wasn't, yet I was there and supported him if needed. But now im in the dumps its like I dont exist.
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Old 26th December 2017, 6:30 PM   #9
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I understand, but last year and a couple of years back, I was doing well myself and he was at a very low point. Yet I believe I was comforting when he needed help or advice. One would expect him to return the favour, no? Isn't that what friendships are about? It's not like I'm calling him every day.
When we start putting expectations on others, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

It's great that you are a nurturing type. But not everyone is. Expecting them to return the favour if nurturing is not in their nature will leave you disappointed.
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Old 27th December 2017, 8:38 PM   #10
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You should be happy for your friend's success. You should tell him "way to go" when he tells you something he pulled off that he's proud of. If he won't let you talk at all, but he has a past of listening to you about anything, then he may wish you would try to find something more entertaining to talk about with him when you talk. Listen, friends hang around because someone is fun to be with. Yes, the years of friendship should count for something, but I know I have one friend who just can't tolerate to take in anything negative. I think she struggles to stay up and optimistic, so it brings her down. He may be enjoying his life right now and just not want to deal with someone else's problems. I have a hard time believing he isn't listening to you at all though. I just imagine he can't take a steady diet of it, so please make an effort to lighten up and be entertaining and fun with him at least fifty percent of the time.

You said you have a life-changing injury. There are people who simply can't think of anything to make you feel better and don't know what to do. I know it's a huge part of your life now, but if you want to hang onto friends, don't make it as huge a part of their lives. Be your old self as much as possible to put them at ease.

Meanwhile, if you need someone to talk to about problems, maybe a therapist would be worth it, or a church counselor or someone like that. Hope things start looking up soon. I know you're under tremendous stress.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:21 PM   #11
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Just how it works alec. I had a friend I knew since I was a preteen almost. We went through years together where we talked about all kinds of stuff. Used to send each other the worst games we could find on steam as a gag for holidays. Then he went through some sort of life transition and I was removed from the friends list.

It's a mix of feeling happy for him and being sad I can't even see how he's doing once a year on a holiday or whatever. That's how they want it though.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:01 PM   #12
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Yep that's how it goes. Do what you do because you want to rather than as any investment. Expect people to be selfish. It's normal for humans. Pay attention when you feel that rare pang of experiencing support and unsolicited interest from another. Sometimes one doesn't notice it because it just flows.

As for the particular friend in the starting post, the old adage to be careful of how one treats others on the way for one meets those same people on the way down holds true. Success is fleeting. I see that even with those who've had it. It can be a pretty lonely existence depending on one's personality.

Here's to a healthy and successful new year and new friends to go with it.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:08 PM   #13
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Yep that's how it goes.
I agree... it starts early and as you get older like me the amount of friends you have diminishes..
Most of my older friends are all gone today, flew the coupe as it were and now my friends today are friends I've made since getting married.

See.. even we get to be part of the growing and moving on phase in friendship.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:26 PM   #14
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Friendships will come and go. It's a part of life. Some people change over time. The things you had in common a long time ago aren't enough to keep you friends forever.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:45 PM   #15
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one of my friends and i had a conversation about this.....when she lost her job friends just stopped ringing her.....stopped asking her out....stopped coming around and i told her true friendship never dies with either distance or time.....the people who are really friends dont drop you because of money....friends drift away.....life gets busy....things happen.....but a true friend when they come back its like you never parted.....true friends arent only your friends for good times and good fortune.....deb......
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