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Being taken advantage of?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 19th December 2017, 9:40 AM   #1
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Being taken advantage of?

Helping a friend or being taken advantage of? Where do you draw the line? I allowed a friend of mine to stay with me after relocating here, i simply wanted to help him get on his feet, it's been about 5 weeks now, yesterday i mentioned to him i wasn't sure what his plans are but as for me, i'm a single mom, i may look like i "do well" but i just meet my bills and offered a roof over his head temporarily. He has not offered any compensation, he's fixed a couple of things around the house.

I did mention a few months ago, i would be open to a barter situation to make up for the money, but changing a light bulb and tightening up a loose screw wasn't necessarily the idea here. I would imagine any decent human being would try and help with what they could, instead i feel like i'm just running out of (household) items really fast with out anything being replaced. Like taking out the garbage almost everyday when it's got barely anything in it, i get maybe he's trying to be helpful, but i've never ran out of garbage bags so fast in my life! On top of the paper towels/toilet paper/soap etc.

He works 6 days a week, so he is getting paid, then i see him buying a bunch of clothes and accessories for his car, like whoa.. i'm not trying to enable you to not be responsible, take 5-6 checks and catch up on your bills was what i had in mind. Now that i asked him what his plans are, he said "i was going to ask you what time frame you had in mind" i said nothing set in stone but the beginning of the year i'd like to look into either renting out my house or getting a room mate to help make up for the last few years of doing it alone. We haven't spoke in 24 hours now.
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:35 AM   #2
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Why haven't you addressed this with him? Why haven't you set an amount for him to pay each month towards the rent? Until you stand up for yourself and your child he will continue to leave for free. You should be telling him all of this.
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Old 19th December 2017, 11:13 AM   #3
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"We're friends, but you living here without paying rent isn't working anymore. I'm giving you until _____ to find an apartment and move out." (One month is reasonable, imo.) I wouldn't agree to a rental agreement with this friend, specifically because he hasn't offered you a penny despite having disposable income. You've been a good friend to this guy, if you continue to have weak boundaries he will continue to take advantage.

Have a detailed rental agreement in place with any future tenants.
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Old 20th December 2017, 1:39 AM   #4
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A friend wouldn't free load, they would at the least offer their assistance as a way of showing gratitude for your kindness. They would offer to pay something, cook dinner, etc. Though it doesn't sound like you gave any clear guidelines for him staying with you like how long, etc. it sounds like you need to first decide what you want and be honest with what you can accept and not accept. Once you're able to figure that out, it may be best to have a talk with him and let him know. It sounds like you don't want to damage your friendship with him or have him see you in a negative way, but if he's a good friend then he'll understand and respect your decision. Hopefully the both of you will be able to work through this situation and still be friends. All the best to the both of you.
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Old 20th December 2017, 12:13 PM   #5
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You mentioned that you told him you were open to some sort of barter system in lieu of payment but then say the things he is doing like changing light bulbs and tightening screws is not what you had in mind. Well what did you have in mind? And have you told him? It sounds like he hasn't refused to help you but more like you haven't given him any direction regarding what your expectations are. If there are things in your house that clearly need fixing then tell him and ask him to do it. If you have changed your mind and now want him to chip in with money to help replenish the items he is using then tell him that too.
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