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Do I tell him what I feel?

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Old 17th December 2017, 3:00 PM   #1
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Do I tell him what I feel?

I know this man for 4 years and he became my best pal. Thing is I fell in love with him more or less from the minute I met him and it always broke my heart when had to leave for his job, we fought or if he put some woman in front of my face. But I never told him how I really feel. I had some ďoutburstsĒ, indicating my feeling in a subtle way, when I felt hurt but thatís about it.
The reasons I never told him, is probably because I donít believe that I am not pretty, slim, intelligent, whatever enough or maybe the sex we had couple of years ago was just not good enough. Hell, I donít know.
I am also so scared how he might react. We had a fight before he left for his holidays and out of impulse I told him, that Iíd move out. (We are sharing since about 9 months). Which of course, I donít want to. I cannot imagine a life without him in it. My thoughts are all messed up. Even what I am writing now probably doesnít make sense. I wrote a letter (4 pages) but I doubt I will give it to him as, although it basically says that I love him, I wrote it out of anger and mentioned stuff about him lying to me as well. Which I know for a fact he has. A couple of times even. I might not be that bright and donít know every time he is lying but I am not that stupid. But despite all the things I wrote out of anger, this man is capable of me feeling extremely happy down to I literally canít breathe when we fight or if he is dating another woman. I should maybe say that we donít fight very often, maybe 3 times a year or so. I just want to make him happy.
His last words to me before he left and I asked him if he cares about me at all he said, yes but that I am ignoring it all and that he has nothing else to say. I really donít know what he means with ignoring it all. I asked but didnít get an answer. So yes, I am really scared, that although I didnít tell him yet that I love him, that our friendship is already destroyed. I mean ďnothing else to sayĒ?
I had a tough year, emotionally and I am working very hard on myself to just pull my **** together. Itís not easy. And yes, I have been moody and confused, full of anger, sadness, feeling sorry for myself all that ****. So, I donít know if I have nothing else to lose or the most important person in my life to lose.
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Old 17th December 2017, 6:04 PM   #2
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So when you said I'm moving out, you were just fishing to see if he's get on his knees and beg you to stay? That's manipulative and also self-defeating and destructive.

I'm pretty sure if you've slept with him and then live with him, he knows you want more and if he's still seeing other women, sounds like he's not wanting to take it to the next level with you. I mean, he's got you right there and isn't doing anything about it, so you have to face that you care more than he does. Sorry. I really do think you should move out so you can then move on with your life and find someone who cares and start afresh. Good Luck.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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