Figuring Out How To Let This Friend Go

[Shaw12]

So a good friend of mine/former co-worker (or ex-friend now I guess) recently lost her job and it caught her by surprise. She missed half of scheduled working days last year, and about half of her days this year due to a number of illnesses she has. Whenever she was absent, I made sure everything with her lesson plans was copied and taken care of (we're teachers). Sometimes she would call of ahead of time, and then there were times in which she called off at the last minute. I knew that administration wasn't always happy with the fact that she called off at the last minute, but I constantly rallied in her favor because when she was present, she was an excellent teacher. Well unfortunately she continued to call off at the last minute, and sometimes she would be gone for more than a week at a time. As a result, the administrators had decided they had had enough and decide to let her go.

 

Obviously when she found out the news she was extremely upset and I wanted to make sure that I was there for her. I tried to go and talk to her after they had given her the bad news and she said she didn't want to talk that day, which I understood. I just sent her a couple texts over the next couple of days to encourage and support her. She never responded to my messages and then a couple days later she sent me the following text, "I'm not ready to talk about things right now. You've always seemed to be a good friend and perhaps our paths will cross again one day." I was shocked and confused by the message. I did respond and wished her the best of luck. I couldn't understand why she was pushing me away, but then I found out that she was talking about me to another co-worker and she believed I was responsible for her losing her job (which I wasn't). When I found out she was bad-mouthing me to different people I decided to text her and let her know that I was only trying to be her friend and I would never do anything to put her in harm's way. She then apologized and said she wasn't mad at me, just upset that she didn't get to "say goodbye" to the kids.

I thought we were okay again after having talked it out, but all of a sudden after about a week and a half she stopped contacting me again, and wouldn't respond to any of my texts. She has even blocked me on Facebook. I was trying to figure out what she thinks I've possibly done to her this time, but I've come up with nothing. I'm very hurt by how she has treated me, especially since I've gone to bat for her dozens of times to defend her absences and unorganized way of handling absences and I never rubbed that in her face. We had became friends outside of the workplace, even though we'd only known each other for about a year. I don't want to be friends with her again at this point, but I still feel hurt when I think about how unreasonable she's been and how she refuses to believe that I've been a true friend to her. How can I finally let her go out of my mind once and for all?

[jjgitties]

So a good friend of mine/former co-worker (or ex-friend now I guess) recently lost her job and it caught her by surprise. She missed half of scheduled working days last year, and about half of her days this year due to a number of illnesses she has. Whenever she was absent, I made sure everything with her lesson plans was copied and taken care of (we're teachers). Sometimes she would call of ahead of time, and then there were times in which she called off at the last minute. I knew that administration wasn't always happy with the fact that she called off at the last minute, but I constantly rallied in her favor because when she was present, she was an excellent teacher. Well unfortunately she continued to call off at the last minute, and sometimes she would be gone for more than a week at a time. As a result, the administrators had decided they had had enough and decide to let her go.

 

Obviously when she found out the news she was extremely upset and I wanted to make sure that I was there for her. I tried to go and talk to her after they had given her the bad news and she said she didn't want to talk that day, which I understood. I just sent her a couple texts over the next couple of days to encourage and support her. She never responded to my messages and then a couple days later she sent me the following text, "I'm not ready to talk about things right now. You've always seemed to be a good friend and perhaps our paths will cross again one day." I was shocked and confused by the message. I did respond and wished her the best of luck. I couldn't understand why she was pushing me away, but then I found out that she was talking about me to another co-worker and she believed I was responsible for her losing her job (which I wasn't). When I found out she was bad-mouthing me to different people I decided to text her and let her know that I was only trying to be her friend and I would never do anything to put her in harm's way. She then apologized and said she wasn't mad at me, just upset that she didn't get to "say goodbye" to the kids.

I thought we were okay again after having talked it out, but all of a sudden after about a week and a half she stopped contacting me again, and wouldn't respond to any of my texts. She has even blocked me on Facebook. I was trying to figure out what she thinks I've possibly done to her this time, but I've come up with nothing. I'm very hurt by how she has treated me, especially since I've gone to bat for her dozens of times to defend her absences and unorganized way of handling absences and I never rubbed that in her face. We had became friends outside of the workplace, even though we'd only known each other for about a year. I don't want to be friends with her again at this point, but I still feel hurt when I think about how unreasonable she's been and how she refuses to believe that I've been a true friend to her. How can I finally let her go out of my mind once and for all?

 

It sound to me that you think you two are friends and she doesn't think you are friends. You have no idea why she has been taking so much time off work that they were forced to lay her off? Did she ever reveal to you why she took so much time off?

 

Anyways, i think its prbly best to let things go and move on.

[Shaw12]

It sound to me that you think you two are friends and she doesn't think you are friends. You have no idea why she has been taking so much time off work that they were forced to lay her off? Did she ever reveal to you why she took so much time off?

 

Anyways, i think its prbly best to let things go and move on.

 

She did reveal those reasons to me, and they were related to her health. I know why they decided to let her go. She's not in a profession where you can miss a ton of work and still be effective.

[chinadiary]

Unfortunately, I've come across similar situations several times in my teaching career. It seems mostly, teachers regard each other as work acquaintances and when they move on, the relationship is gone.

 

I only have a handful of friends left from a range of schools I've worked in.

 

Plus, there is probably a bit of jealousy/bitterness on her part, that you're still employed and she isn't.