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Should I say something?

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Old 29th September 2017, 12:51 PM   #1
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Should I say something?

So my best friend and I aren't really talking at the moment.

She moved to a city about 2 hours away, so I don't see her much anymore. She still comes back to visit her hometown (where I live) from time to time when she gets days off. Normally she tells me far in advanced when she is visiting so I try to make plans accordingly. Even though we live apart, we still would Snapchat/text etc.

So about a month ago, we hung out one weekend she was in town and the following weekend went on a trip together to another friend's wedding. Well, I was not aware that the next weekend (after hanging out 2 weekends in a row) she was coming to town. She texted me and another friend mid-week to tell us so we could make plans to hang out on Friday. Well, that Friday I had already arranged a date with the guy I was seeing, and was waiting to hear back if I got free concert tickets from work. I let her know what my plan was, but mentioned that we could try to grab a drink after if we were in the same area. Of course she sent a somewhat short response (I'm guessing annoyed that I didn't drop my plans to hang out with her).

So Friday comes, she meets up with me for a drink with other friends, then I go on my date. We ended up getting concert tickets, so we went and did that for a while, and he went to visit with his nephew who was in town but we planned to hang out after that. After my date and I parted ways, I went and met up with her again for another drink, and we shared a cab back to my house because she lives nearby. We hung out for a bit at my house, and then the guy I am seeing came back over to hang out with me. I BOUGHT her a cab back to her house. I texted her to make sure she got home okay, no response.

The next day I say hi, she says hello and I could tell something was up. Also, the next morning my guy said that she was being kind of weird and wouldn’t make eye contact with him. But I just kind of assumed that was because alcohol was involved, she gets kind of rude/sassy when she drinks sometimes, so I am used to it.

The other thing that came to mind is, after I had been talking to my guy for a while, I texted her about it because he’s from our town too and went to high school with us. She said “OMG! I used to think he was so cute in high school, I’m so jealous.” And kind of acted mad at me for it, anyway eventually she double texted me after I didn’t respond and said “I’m not actually mad, I’m just jealous haha.” So my thought is maybe this could be another contributing factor?

Anyway, we had a 40-day Snap streak which she broke. I know that probably sounds silly to worry about, but in my opinion it is kind of a sign that she must be mad at me for something. Since this happened, she’s texted me once about a connection I am trying to get her with a company she wants to work at.

So I feel like she could be mad at me about the guy, or maybe she expected me to drop all of her plans to hang out with her. I don’t know?

I am now at a loss of whether I should reach out to her or let her come to me. I suppose in some situations I would absolutely text and ask her if she is mad at me. But although I love her and she’s my best friend, she can be very immature/petty, especially when she is mad at someone. She’s told me before how she thought about breaking her Snap streak with her other best friend when she was annoyed by her. I know that she is probably purposely giving me the silence treatment but in my opinion that is not a great way to handle issues and I don’t want to encourage that behavior.

Idk, I am bummed that we haven’t talked in so long, but I also feel like she is being immature and the stubborn part of me doesn’t want to give her her way.

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Old 29th September 2017, 11:46 PM   #2
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That's a tough one. You know, you're both being stubborn and a bit immature about it. But I can see why you don't want to chase someone down to ask them if they have a problem. They should just come to you and tell you if they do.

But anyway, I think what I would do, this one time, is to call her and ask her if she's mad at you about something. If she says, "Nothing, I'm fine" then you can try to continue like nothing happened. "Okay, just making sure. Let me know when you're coming to town next so we can get together." And leave it up to her.

If she actually does tell you what she's mad about, you can try to work it out and apologize if necessary. But once it's smoothed over, make sure to say, "In the future if something is bothering you, please just tell me instead of giving me the silent treatment. If you're not ready to talk about something, just let me know that you need a few days to yourself. It feels weird to go days without talking to you without knowing why."

And if it ever happens again that she gives you the silent treatment, then I would just let her come to you. I personally really can't be ****ed to chase someone around asking if they're mad at me.
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Old 30th September 2017, 9:47 AM   #3
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That's the tough part but it makes sense: In the future if you need some time to yourself, just tell me instead of just taking it, so we know.

To me, this feels like common sense. But alas, I'm also in the middle of something similar where a person I really like has ghosted me (it's only been 1.5 days but given we generally talk several times a day this hurts a lot).

Sometimes there are things that are just very hard to say or talk about and we can get tongue-tied. I also understand that some things are difficult to talk about. But at the least, ask for space if you need it. I see it as a courtesy to someone you care about to just say this.
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