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Bestie fallout

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Old 25th July 2017, 6:56 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 12
Bestie fallout

Bestie and I have been friends for 3 years. whenever her romantic relationship are good and I needed help, she is there for me always. Whenever **** hit the fence she be back to be the good friend. I could text her about needing help with moving no response back yet she be updating her fb status but didn't take time to get back to me. This is just an example, she's done it multiple times. I brushed it off thinking on I can move on she's a good person I would feel bad she's struggling so I connect with her again. She's been struggling with a long marriage when it finally ended I was there for her 100%, I take her calls at 2am in work week days to help her with grief etc. On March I went through a breakup myself and she was not really there cuz she was trying to work things out with her ex husband. Again I took it like marriages are hard etc.other friends helped me get thru my breakup. Fast forward to two weeks ago. She has recently started seeing a new guy, I messaged her asking her opinion on something that had my stomach in knots. She said she get back to me but two days went by nothing. Again I reached out to other friends they helped me. Bestie said sorry for not getting back can I call u tonight? I had plans so I couldn't talk still she didn't write me her opinion. Week went by, I kept distance and she reached out asking me why I'm distant? I tell her that since I know her she does this and it's hard for me to be close to her. She acted surprised and said her new guy had nothing to do with her not getting back to me that she had a crazy week and that she will let things marinate. I said to her that I was willing to talk it out that ppl do things without noticing and I value our relationship, I asked her to meet with me to work it out put it behind us. It's been a week she never responded and did not attend to common friends activities.

Am I too critical of her? I am feeling like I did the right thing I want a two way friendship and I should be able to tell her how I feel though now she's giving me silent treatment.
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Old 25th July 2017, 7:39 PM   #2
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Yes give her some space and don't contact her. She seems tied up with her new love and her job so it doesn't seem like she has time for you right now. It's good that you have other friends and you should just hang with them from now on.
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:06 PM   #3
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I do agree that once it gets to the point that a friend is having a personal crisis or even a wonderful event and the other person is too busy for a week, that the friendship is going downhill. It's certainly happened to me, so I think it's just an unpleasant fact of life that people get their own priorities and old friends often go way down on the list. I'm guilty of it myself on the rare occasion. I cut someone off who just wanted to talk about a concert we'd both went to separately of a favorite artist and I was just too busy and harried to talk.

It took me a few months for life to settle down enough and I only this week got back in touch with him, expecting to be snubbed, really. So maybe he was too hungover to remember the conversation, who knows. But I'm going to buy him lunch this week trying to make up for it. I've already apologized. Work and limping around had me struggling to keep up.

For most people it's their families leaving them no time for themselves or old friends, or not much anyway. I really think friends should try to be available at a moment's notice for crises and happy events both. It doesn't have to be for long. It could be like, "Oh, no. I'll come get you. We'll sit down and have a cup of coffee, but then I got to get back to work."
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:13 PM   #4
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I completely understand wanting to be there for friends who are going through crisis. But sometimes a friend can seem to live in crisis and it becomes too overwhelming to give them the support they need.

I've had to back away from a friend at times when her crisis become overwhelming for me.
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Old 27th July 2017, 6:29 AM   #5
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I used to have some friends who acted this way and I know the feeling of being ignored or even used by them. Now we're not friends anymore and I try to avoid this kind of people.
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