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A Complex Friendship

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 8th July 2017, 3:33 PM   #1
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A Complex Friendship

Hello folks,

I'm here more to tell a story than to get help. I feel like telling my story is help enough for me. However, I'm not against accepting advice from others. So advise away if you please.

Seven months ago I was at a pub with a bunch of friends when I ended up meeting a girl who seemed interesting enough. To me she was both physically and personally attractive (although that didn't mean anything sexually or otherwise since attractive women are everywhere all the time). After hanging out together for a couple of weeks we realized we were a compatible match and had potential for a great friendship. Keep in mind, at this point our relationship was entirely platonic, and we both seemed to be comfortable with that.

We were always nice to each other. She always gave me lots of compliments, telling me that I always looked great, that I'm a great dresser, and that I should definitely go on dates and try to meet women. I gave her similar compliments on her personal style. We often played at being a couple when we were in public, even though our relationship did not involve any sex. I never took any of her compliments as a sign of anything outside of our friendship. We seemed to be perfectly happy as we were.

As time progressed I realised that I had become attracted to her, but I held it in because I felt our friendship was important to me and I didn't want to lose that. My emotional state was fine. I didn't have any issue with our platonic relationship and felt okay to move on with other things while still spending time together as friends.

A random encounter at a mutual friend's house ended up with us sleeping together. It felt great both physically and emotionally however, I am not the type of guy who has sex outside of a serious relationship, so this felt very unusual for me. We talked about what had happened between us, and I told her about my feelings for her. She told me that she respected my feelings, and that she really wanted to be in a relationship with me and share those same feelings for me, but that she couldn't do it because she was being forced to leave the country and didn't want to get into a complicated emotional mess. I told her that I fully respected her decision, and we both agreed to continue our friendship.

We've been together as friends several times since then, with other friends and just the two of us, and there doesn't seem to be an issue. I've noticed that when I talk to her she still looks at me with an expression that tells me she is attracted to me. I'm mature enough to not take advantage of her feelings for my own personal gain. At times I feel like I could make things less difficult for her by just avoiding her altogether, so that she has less chance of developing more serious feelings for me however, I feel like that wouldn't be the right thing to do as a friend. I feel as though it would be better to continue on as we are and just accept that at some fixed point in time we will have to experience the pain of separation.

I suppose it isn't such a sad story since it's full of positive experiences, I just felt like writing about it because it's a new and confusing experience for me. I feel both happy and sad at the same time. Thanks for reading.

Last edited by freddie.v; 8th July 2017 at 3:59 PM..
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