Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Platonic > Friendship

no contact from friend

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Like Tree2Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd July 2017, 10:45 PM   #1
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 4
no contact from friend

When it comes to friendships, am i being too high maintenance to want to be remembered for my b day, holidays, emotional support, etc, thats the kind of friend I am, I want deeper connections with people.

Last edited by curiouskit; 4th July 2017 at 1:57 AM..
curiouskit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2017, 9:01 AM   #2
Established Member
d0nnivain's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 28,569
No. But people forget. It happens.

Try being the friend you hope to have even when that means forgiving others when they don't measure up to your expectations.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2017, 11:07 AM   #3
Established Member
Ieris's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 562
@curiouskit ~ If you're a giver then make friends with people who are also givers. Some people just take take take so avoid those ones as you'll just feel taken advantage of.
Ieris is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2017, 3:11 PM   #4
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 19,572
You have to be aware not only of if they are the type person who remembers birthdays but also how important you are on their list of priorities. If they have a half dozen friends who are closer than you (or family), they are less likely to pay attention to your needs because they don't feel that close to you and/or have limited time/resources/money to spend.

For example I could tell one of my nicest friends was kind of getting offended that I wasn't buying presents for her kid when he was young. Number one, he expected really expensive gifts, like over $50, more than I'd ever spend on a kid and was already getting more crap than any kid needs, plus I'd seen him have a tantrum and throw a gift from a friend of his grandma's (someone like me, not at all obligated to gift him) on the floor because he already had it. I decided right than that would be a waste of money. But the bottom line was I was still not financially able to buy for all of my close friends even. So I finally just told her, Hey, I'm afraid people's kids are not on my list because I still have a couple of friends I've known for 40 years who I feel I can't afford to do Christmas for and if I feel I have more money to spend, that's who I'll gift next. I think she kind of understood, maybe. By the way, I did recently get him a gift card for graduation -- and I know my friend appreciated it, but not one word of thanks from him.

So people have their priorities and their budgetary reasons. I'm like you. I want people to mainly remember my birthday and I'd like them to do it on or near the day, but as I get older, people are more likely to get me something but not make time to go have dinner or whatever, and I am offended by that. I think my few local friends should gather on my birthday, and once in awhile it happens, but less and less. Last year, rather than be disappointed by my birthday and friends, I made my own plans and went out of state.

I have to say, if someone doesn't reciprocate, I wouldn't keep gifting them, and it's because I just think it creates an imbalance when one tries harder than the other, an imbalance neither person is really happy about.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th July 2017, 8:35 PM   #5
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 4
very well said I totally agree. So this person I've known for a long time and she has a new boyfriend that she's been dating now for about 2 months and they both flew in together for a family function but he has nowhere to stay and she's asking me if he can stay with me is it wrong for me to say no cuz now she's pissed but I don't know this person
curiouskit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2017, 11:43 AM   #6
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 19,572
Say it's a bad time and no.
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why did my ex's best friend contact me? maylis Breaks and Breaking Up 7 14th November 2014 8:53 AM
No contact or keep her as a friend? Akavir Second Chances 2 17th September 2014 12:48 PM
Should I try to contact an old friend? bson1257 Friendship 1 10th June 2013 11:46 AM
Ex using her best friend as go-between for contact everyyard Second Chances 1 29th August 2011 2:14 PM
Should I contact an old best friend? Kirbiebella Friendship 2 11th October 2010 12:44 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:05 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.