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is anger a sign of dislike or what?

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Old 2nd July 2017, 7:38 AM   #1
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is anger a sign of dislike or what?

Well. is anger a sign of dislike? Of jeaousy?

I have a freind who flares up over things. Real hissy fits.

She apologised, and said sheepishly that she is like this with her daughter too and treated me to some expensive coffees.

She has goes at waiters, whoever, does not just state her case, it often comes wrapped up in heavy emotions.

Just wondering why...

Last edited by darkmoon; 2nd July 2017 at 7:41 AM..
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Old 2nd July 2017, 8:34 AM   #2
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Underneath all anger is pain and hurt.....

Good luck my friend!!!!!
Our purpose in life is to help others; if we canít help them at least donít hurt them.
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Old 2nd July 2017, 8:51 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
Well. is anger a sign of dislike? Of jeaousy?
Darkmoon, the feeling of anger can be caused by many things, including dislike and jealousy as you say. But you're not asking what causes the angry feeling to occur but, rather, why a grown adult is unable to control her own emotions. That is, why is she throwing hissy fits and temper tantrums like a four year old?

If the problem were only temporary, lasting a few days or a few years, the answer likely would be drug abuse or a strong hormone surge (e.g., puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause, PMS, -- or, LOL, any other life event starting with the letter "P").

Yet, when the problem persists over many years, as you describe, the two most common causes are BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder). (This ignores rare causes like brain tumor and head injury.) BPD generally is very difficult to treat because nearly all BPDers are unaware that their behavior is dysfunctional. They therefore usually blame others for their own bad behavior and don't seek treatment. In contrast, IED is much easier to treat because the sufferer knows he has a problem and is usually aware of his bad behavior as soon as he cools down later.

Because you are describing the latter situation, you are describing one of the warning signs (i.e., symptoms) for IED. Whereas BPD nearly always is invisible to the sufferer, IED is not because the sufferer usually is aware (an hour later) she has a problem. Another difference is that, whereas a BPDer's rage usually is triggered only by a loved one or close friend, an IED sufferer can be triggered by anyone at anytime. This is why IED anger can be seen occurring with complete strangers -- e.g., on the highway as "road rage."

Spotting a strong warning sign for IED, however, does not give you a diagnosis. Rather, like spotting a warning sign for breast cancer or stroke, it only tells you the problem is sufficiently serious to warrant seeking a professional opinion. I therefore would suggest your friend see a psychologist to obtain a diagnosis if she is seeing strong warning signs.

A professional can determine whether her behavioral symptoms are sufficiently severe and persistent as to constitute a full-blown disorder. And, because a very small portion of BPD sufferers have self awareness, a psychologist can determine whether she is in that rare group of self-aware people exhibiting strong BPD behavior.
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Old 2nd July 2017, 1:04 PM   #4
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There's people who have rage left over from something in childhood. My family is full of rageful people. My dad had some pain from childhood and was a fun funny guy most of the time, but he occasionally just got rageful for no reason it seemed.

My mom was critical and steady as they come, but she could get very nasty verbally.

My sister still has rage outbursts.

I myself can get really aggressive if someone is making me mad. I embarrassed a friend once while going to pick up a rental car. I had a temporary condition making me blind in one eye and had rented the car 2 months ahead of time and called and confirmed close to time because it was very important it be there on that day to drive to the next state to a hospital appointment there. Brought the friend with me to drive. Got to the rental place, and the car wasn't there. The stupid guy wanted us to drive HIM to go pick up the car at another location. We had to be somewhere at a certain time three and a half hours away. I let him have it. I caught my friend standing behind me making motions like "don't take her seriously," which really made me mad because I wanted to be taken very seriously and make my appointment on time. So everyone in my family can go off. I know from growing up that too much of that is not fun to be around and bad for kids because they end up like us!

To be fair to myself, it wasn't an irrational anger, and when I returned from the trip, I complained loudly to the rental car company about it because I was still mad. I mean, they had 2 months to get that car ready! Grrr. Now I'm mad again.
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Old 2nd July 2017, 7:24 PM   #5
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Anger basically comes from fear. I think there was some research about how the two emotions are basically physiologically the same. That's why dogs see human anger as weakness. The dog barks at a stranger out of fear. People with power don't get angry because they already have things their way.
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:54 AM   #6
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hissy fits

This hissy friend could say her opinion with the hate and/or hissy fits.

I do not mind if friends do not share my opinion, so why she gets hissy is irrelevant, but I do know that she is obnoxious on-going, and if we did not have a friend in common, I would drop her, but I am being diplomatic. She treats this friend ok anyway.

As it is, I accepted her apology and peace offering of coffeee (but secretly think she is garbage).

How do you stop the hisser?

Any thoughts?

Do you throw hissy fits? What does it feel like?


Candid input welcome.

Last edited by darkmoon; 5th July 2017 at 2:15 AM..
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Old 5th July 2017, 7:10 AM   #7
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You can't stop her from throwing fits as it has nothing to do with you personally. She has underlying issues. If she is more with you than your other friend then its likely that she sees something in you that she wants but doesnt have
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Old 8th July 2017, 10:45 AM   #8
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Sounds like a man to me.
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