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Burnt out

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 28th March 2017, 11:48 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Florida
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Unhappy Burnt out

I met my best friend in 6th grade & we've been friends ever since. We are mid 20s now. Lately I've been more & more distant, or unpurposefully forgetful, when it comes to her. I don't know what to do because I love her as a sister, but she's just tiring me. I just sort of needed a place to vent. Here's a few things that annoy me.

1) She lives an hour away. She constantly complains she hates it there. She hates her job. I tell her, the world is yours, move somewhere & get a job you like more. She won't even entertain the idea & just keeps complaining.

2) She works odd/night/weekend shifts & gets mad when my schedule doesn't fit hers. I work during the weekdays & am often not free when she is. Not to mention it takes an hour to drive to where she lives.

3) She brings her boyfriend everywhere. If he isn't working, he's with us when we hang out. I've mentioned like, "we need girl time," and still he's there. (Not relevant to my feelings about my best friend, but he's annoying to me, so that makes me want to see her even less. They live together so if I go to her place, he's there too).

4) She tries to make me feel guilty if I tell her I'm busy. But if she's busy when I ask her to hang, it's like that's totally fine. Hypocritical.

5) She waits until the last minute to make plans with me.

Something else to mention is that we have differing opinions/interests on some things. For example, she likes drinking with her friends & I don't drink at all. Nothing against drinking, it's just not my thing. We don't have many of the same hobbies. She looks down on some of my interests & it makes me feel bad. Im religious. She isn't & her boyfriend definitely isn't. Her boyfriend talks down on anyone who isn't an atheist or a liberal democrat. I have to endure that sometimes since he's always around.

I'm just feeling in between a rock & a hard place. She's pretty much my only friend (I'm not that social & fine with being alone). I don't want to just give up, but do you think there is any way this will work? I'm super career focused right now (I work & go to school) and I just don't have the time she basically demands of me. Or is this just me being crazy over nothing??
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Old 28th March 2017, 3:54 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Mirkwood
Posts: 353
If there's anything crazy in this, it's continuing a pattern of contact and activity with her that brings you pain and not pleasure.

She complains - you don't have to be there to listen to her complain, and can terminate contact as soon as she begins this.

She gets mad at your schedule - that's her craziness.

Her boyfriend is always with her, and he bothers you greatly. Don't see her, and you won't have to see him.

She tries to make you feel guilty. Nobody can make you feel guilty without your consent - that feeling comes only from within you, and not from her. So she tries, and fails every time. No big deal there. Laugh at her silliness.

She waits to make plans - make plans of your own farther in advance, and don't change them for her. You said she hates your schedule, so obviously you stick to your own plans - good for you.

Her boyfriend talks down to everyone who isn't an atheist or a liberal democrat. Religion and politics are impolite social subjects. He's impolite, and so is anyone who would engage him on either of these subjects. Among polite people, he'd never know whether they have god(s), party affiliation, or social philosophy. You likely fell into his trap on that one, and you have yourself at least in part to blame.

If you're super focused on school and career, you shouldn't have time or energy for any of the nonsense that comes with this relationship with her. My two cents.
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Old 28th March 2017, 6:16 PM   #3
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Location: So Cal
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It sounds like you have outgrown this friendship. It isn't serving the needs of either of you. Have you mentioned any of this to her? If so, was she receptive? If no, perhaps it is time to take a break from the relationship.

On a side note, I think when relationships (of any kind) first start, there is a lot of novelty in your differences which makes things more exciting. But with time, there are some fundamental things having to do with ethics, morals, and core beliefs that become important as well. If they are too divergent, small cracks can start to form in the foundation.
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Old 28th March 2017, 10:17 PM   #4
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I think I will have a talk with her and continue to make some space between us if nothing changes. I don't think she's a bad person, I just think maybe we are headed in different directions. If she can't work with me on my schedule then it's her loss! I definitely don't have time for or involve myself in drama so that's probably also why I'm feeling this way. I'm an introverted person & I don't like social headache. Thanks for your replies.
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