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darkmoon 17th February 2017 12:01 PM

friend wants to get back in my life
she is not quite my kind of person, too dominant and too serious, we are both women over 50

we will run into each other at a mutual friend's birthday dinner

I know she will want an inquest over our last argument, and will pull out texts I sent then - pull out at the dinner in front of people, embarrassing me, possibly slightly on purpose

but I also know that she will want to visit me, and advise me about my cat, too dominant and too serious

still she will expect me to like her

how do I handle this ordeal dinner?

preraph 17th February 2017 12:22 PM

Excuse yourself when she corners you. Say "Hi, Her Name. If you'll excuse me," and get up and go talk to someone else. If she follows you around or is raising her voice or being rude and cornering you, ask the host to intervene. Also, if she is saying things that are out of line quietly to you, raise your voice where everyone can hear and repeat back what she said to embarrass her, like "Did you just tell me _____ at a dinner party?? You're trying to start a fight! Please leave me alone if you can't be polite and pleasant."

O'Malley 17th February 2017 12:41 PM

Beside your host, are there people there that you do click with well? Make certain that you're not seated by her. Socializing with specific people might decrease your stress, especially if another attendee knows the score and can be your ally of sorts.

Stay busy at the party, and if she still tries to corner you into a conversation, let her know that you're not interested in talking to about it, turn on your heel and disengage. Block her from contacting you.

darkmoon 17th February 2017 12:56 PM

they are all the host's friends

am out-numbered

preraph 17th February 2017 6:26 PM

Well, then should ALL know exactly what she's like, so don't let that deter you. Just excuse yourself and start talking to someone else or if that's not easy to do, excuse yourself and go stand in a corner and pretend to make a phone call.

rester 17th February 2017 7:06 PM

Ignore her and don't engage. If she says something particularly obnoxious or offensive directly to you, ask her to repeat herself. Don't be afraid to not respond.

Ronni_W 18th February 2017 7:19 AM

My former personal development coach calls what you are doing 'future worry' and it was my job to become aware when I was doing that based on nothing
except my own thoughts that I was imagining in my own mind; it wasn't based on actual current evidence.

Originally Posted by darkmoon (Post 7230331)
I know she will want <snip> she will want <snip> she will expect

I get that your expectations of how this person will behave in the future is based on your experiences of how she behaved in the past -- but, they are still only
expectations based on your assumptions: [1] that there has been no change; she has not undergone any personal growth or development, and,
[2] that she is still pining for the old relationship that existed between you in the past.

With any luck at all, neither of these will be the case and you will be able to enjoy the dinner in peace and privacy. If, however, this is not the case, then you can
stand up for yourself, or you can excuse yourself when she approaches you as has been suggested, or you can ask your host or someone else to run interference or
take care of your problem for you as has been suggested.

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