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I think this online friend is interested but I'm not...

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 28th December 2016, 9:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 15
I think this online friend is interested but I'm not...

We've been friends for three years, mainly communicate through the forum we first met on. I've mentioned guys I've liked here and there so I guess he can assume that I'm interested in guys, but otherwise I've never really talked to him about "my boyfriend." Most of our conversations consist of friendly banter, really.

Lately I'm getting the sense that he's trying to move in on me... but I'm not sure enough that he is. It seems presumptuous to say "I'm not interested in you" out of the blue, and considering our dynamics it would be weird to suddenly mention "my boyfriend."

Do I wait until (if) he does something that's unmistakably a move? Do I stop assuming? Honestly, lately I just don't feel comfortable talking to him because of this feeling. How do I stay just friends?
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Old 29th December 2016, 12:26 PM   #2
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Your instincts are correct, whether he is hiding it or not, so that means you should feel comfortable either just blocking him and being done with him or just telling him, "Hey, I don't want to lead anybody on. I don't want to waste anyone's time, so you should know this isn't me being interested in you any way other than a casual friend online." If you have a boyfriend, tell him, "I'm really into my boyfriend, and even if we broke up, I'm sure you're someone's type, but you're not mine."

The danger with using the boyfriend excuse is someone like this who has been lurking hoping you'll fall into his lap someday is going to take that to mean that once the boyfriend is gone, you're all his. So the direct approach is best.

If it were me, though, this is how I'd do it. I'd cut off communication. I'd give him some warning. "Hey, I'm getting really busy with my job, my boyfriend, and this and that, and I'm going to have to stop doing so much online stuff and texting. Hope you understand. I need to simplify." Then block him if you are pretty sure he's going to just keep coming at you.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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Old 29th December 2016, 1:27 PM   #3
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Location: USA
Posts: 1,634
Its nothing wrong if he is feeling attracted to you, 3 years is a long time.
Why dont you tell him that you met someone great recently and things are going great... After that just drop hints here and there how everything with your BF is awesome. He should back off.
~Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.....
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