Friend using me for a place to stay

[amkxoxo]

I’m a little mad at my friend from college. She and I were roommates for years in college, and are from the same home towns ironically. We got really close and she became my best friend in college. Now she lives back home and I live near our college working a job. So we live an hour and a half away. I tried to get her to move down with me when her plans for work didn’t pan out, but she refused. I have been asking her to come and visit me for almost a year now. I want us to hangout and have a great time together to catch up. She always gives me excuses as to why she cannot come. She doesn’t have enough money. She has plans with her boyfriend. She has to work. She has too much mileage on her car.

 

I often go home to our home town, but I spend all of it seeing my family. Time flies and I just don’t have a ton of time to see her. She always claims when I am up there I should come see her. But even at home she still lives a good 30-45 minutes away. It’s not always feasible, and she is usually only free during certain times.

 

I always mention to her that she is welcome at my house any time, and that I want her to spend the weekend with me down near our college.

 

She has this other friend from college. They were really close at one point. This guy changed a lot though. He started changing how he looks, how he acts, and who he hangs out with. He started not bothering with her. She told me a few times how this kind of hurt her. To hang out with this guy, my friend would have to do it on his time as he barely had time for her. This guy would call my friend last minute and she would run and get ready because he asked her to do something with him. Not a good friend. She would do it though, just to spend time with him. Now her guy friend lives in the same area as me an hour and a half away.

 

The other day she texted me asking if I was free a certain weekend coming up. I said Yes and asked why. She said her guy friend is having a birthday party that weekend and she was hoping to come down and crash at my place. I can also go to the party with her.

 

I was so hurt by this. She hasn’t made it down to see me for over a year, but now she has the time, money, etc… to come down to go to his party. Oh and I guess I can come to the party with her since she is staying with me. I find this so rude. She is just using me for a place to crash. Am I being stupid? Should I just let her crash? I don’t know what to think. This hurt me a lot. I would never openly pretty much ask someone for a place to crash, only because you have somewhere else to go while you’re there. Am I being too sensitive? She claims we can spend the weekend together, but I know her. She will show up mid-Saturday, we will have a few hours together, got to the party, and then she will leave Sunday morning.

[d0nnivain]

Yes, you are being too sensitive. She's killing two birds with one stone. That doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. Let her come. Visit during the day & go the party with her. You might meet new people.

 

I called my cousin yesterday to see if I could crash at her place tomorrow because I want to come into the city to see friends from college. I am fully aware that I am using her as a free hotel but that doesn't mean I don't love her.

[amkxoxo]

I just feel like I have asked this friend to come and spend weekend with me over and over and she always has excuses why she can't. A lot of them have to do with money. She suddenly has enough money to go to this guys birthday. I've had parties. I've invited her. She can never come because of money, work, gas etc...

 

Of course she invited me to this party with her. Why wouldn't she? She is staying at my house. I just feel like she is only looking for a nice place to crash for this party. Not to actually visit with me. That's pretty much exactly what she said when she asked me.

 

"I got invited to a party for my friend. Mind if I crash at your place? You can come to the party as well"

 

I guess I'm just hurt that I have asked her to come and spend time with me at my place time and time again, and this other friend asks her, who doesn't really bother with her, and she can definitely go. She and I were very close friends. This guy ditched her for a new lifestyle.

[d0nnivain]

You know where her priorities are now & this guy ranks above you. Armed with that info either accept it & move forward or tell her you are busy & she can't come but understand that will be the end of your friendship.

 

amkxoxo -- you do wear your heart on your sleeve. Almost every post you make is about someone who crushed it because you are so sensitive. I fear this will be a recurring pattern in your life until you develop a thicker skin. Your good nature needs to be protected & nurtured, rather than left exposed for all these people to trample on you: this friend; the girls you went to the festival with; your co-workers and last but certainly not least your BF (or have you seen the light & dumped him?)