Socializing Feels like a chore now... how do I get out of this mindset?

[Ladiixmk]

Okay so I'm not going to leave the whole background here, but very long story short...

I ended high school with a love for socializing and meeting new people. That's the many reason why I chose to go to such a big college (60k+ people).

But my first year here was hell, in terms of the people I met. They were allll about drama and judging people. Their conversations would mostly consists of what others are doing in their life. Whenever I tried to talk to them about me or other random topics, they would ignore me and literally change the subject. One of the girls would constantly give me bad advice and would always talk about my weight (I made a thread about this, thanks to you guys I'm now not in communication with her! ). And to top everything off, I started seeing a guy who just used me as a Plan B aka he would take me out on dates and do boyfriend-like things, but would try to see different girls on the side... if things were working out with them, he would ditch plans between us, if those girls weren't around or whatever then he would come to me (ofcourse I figure this out until longgg after, once I discussed it with you guys on this board).

On a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest, my self esteem went from an 8 to a 4. I felt extremely worthless, unlovable and unimportant.

For the next two years I have tried to talk to others and make new friends. At first, I would end up pushing people away in fear that I would get hurt again. I would cancel plans last minute, not follow up, not say much, etc. I developed a wholeee lot of social anxiety. This has made me become really lonely . Now, even when I socialize with people whom I've known for years, I still feel like I need to "try hard" just to keep a friendship. It's worse because one of my friends who I was really close with for the past 7 years totally changed and I just can't talk to her about anything because she never pays attention. Matter of fact, to come to think of it, I haven't opened up to ANYBODY about stuff going on in my life in YEARS.

I've become a horrible texter, because I just don't feel like being bothered. I feel as though if I don't have the right thing to say, then I shouldn't say it. Socializing just feels like a chore now. I'd rather be alone than with others, and I feel horrible about that. I really miss the old, witty, happy me. I had a personality like the youtuber Megan Batoon and now it's kinda like Kristen Stewart... okay not that deep lol but it feels like I'm trying to recite a script, and nothing that I'm saying is coming from the heart.

How do I get out of this mindset? Pleaseee please help. It's my senior year, and I want to make a great friend group for ONCE.

Edited August 29, 2015 by angelsface200

[prlncess]

I can understand where you are coming from, I am in a situation similar to yours, except for a fact that I have already established most of my friends, whom I'd like to keep for life. I do find it a bother to meet new people; it consumes time and energy, which i do not have. Most of the time, it is a waste because most the new people i meet in university end up to being just shallow friend anyways.

 

In your case, I would definitely recommend joining a few clubs that you have great interest in. For example, i have a passion for anime and manga, and i love playing the sport badminton, therefore I went and joined both the anime club and badminton club. From there, i was able to make many new friends whom i would really be able to grow close with (if i didn't have enough good friends). Your bond with them would just begin with one interest and it would be definitely easier to extend from there.

 

Best of luck to you!!

[nescafe1982]

There's a saying that comes to mind when I read your post: "before you wonder if you're crazy, consider for a moment whether you might actually be surrounded by a**holes."

 

College is a weird time. People are so rough, so stupid, so insensitive with one another. Some of these people are immature. Some of them are truly a**holes.

 

It sounds to me like you're very social, and your in a situation where your emotional maturity is a few ticks above that of your peers. Before you let these people emotionally wear you out, consider branching out into new venues: is there a cause or a club on campus that would interest you? How about charity work in the area?

 

People tend towards pointless drama when they are bored... and bored people are also boring. What I'm saying is this: if you meet some new friends who are already invested in some event, some interest, some hobby, you have a better shot of avoiding drama.

 

And who knows, you might find there are people on your campus that aren't *******s.

 

Stay friends with the people in your current group that you like, as long as it doesn't wear you out still.... but branching beyond them might also give you a new perspective and allow you to escape some of their silliness.

 

Of course, it's also totally okay to take a breather and withdraw a little bit if you're feeling exhausted. Maybe you're simply an extroverted introvert (it's a thing, check it out). Just don't check out completely... we need more friendly, social people on this planet, not fewer.

 

Have fun, OP. and Good luck!

 

edit to add: OP I'm assuming you're still in college in my reply... but after rereading your post it's not so clear whether you're still in school or done. My advice largely remains the same: find something you're interested in, find other people who are into that thing, and make friends with them. I firmly believe that people who gather for a cause beyond themselves are less dramatic and much more interesting people.

Edited September 8, 2015 by nescafe1982

[d0nnivain]

Find an activity you do enjoy & join a club or organization that does that. It will make you want to be involved.