Lorelei90 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I have known him for around 5 years, we used to be best friends at some point, but he just disappeared from everyone and we lost touch. Ever since we have been talking on and off,lately we found each other again. So right now im going through bankruptcy, i got diagnosed with a serious brain cyst(started giving me seizures), and generally im at the worst point of my life. I became friends with him coz he was really smart and we were much alike in many subjects. We were talking yesterday and during our talk it came up that i also suffer from PCOS and asthma(there was a huge fire near me and i told him i couldnt breathe properly), and his reply was ''Jeez, you are damaged goods, all the bad things happen to you''. He also slut shamed me when i was wearing a top that was showing my shoulders(its freakin summer,plus i spent most of my life being overweight and not being able to wear even summer clothes during the summer out of shame for my body,im finally normal weight now and i want to wear whatever i want),saying all men will just want me for sex & im a bimbo. He also called me stupid after i told him i didnt like a movie he suggested,telling me i ''didnt get it coz im not smart enough''. And then i told him tomorrow was my birthday, and he was like ''what age are you?you must be like 37''(!). Im much younger than that & he knows and plus i look many years younger than my real age, people ask me if i still go to school.. And when i told him im not 37 he said ''yea right''. And the he started telling me off. Why am i not married yet, that most women my age have already 2 kids, that im a loser. By the way he is much older than i am and doesnt have a wife or kids, not even a gf. Double standards much? And then he shamed me for my fb profile pic, i put up a pic of me at the gym and he said ''Put up a more recent pic of you, that pic is like 10 years old, you dont look like that anymore''. The pic is recent, he hasnt even seen me since last year or something. Im tired of his behavior and im going through too much at the moment to deal with it. With everything im going through i have lost all my friends. He is the last one. Should i cut him out of my life? I always thought he was a nice person and i understand he is going through hard times as well, but thats no excuse. Im going through hell and im still nice to him and to everyone. Update 3: I dont understand how someone who is against racism, against shaming people for who they are, against all unfairness, someone with such an open mind can be such a sexist! Link to post Share on other sites
Sally147 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your friend definitely is having his own issues considering he used to be nice and now sounds like he is angry and frustrated with his own life and for what ever reason is taking it out on you and probably other people in his life too. He may or may not know how rude and unkind he is but either way it's no excuse for his actions toward you. In the past I've had friends whom I no longer wanted to associate with and visa versa and we simply dropped out of the picture from each others life but that always leaves friendship break ups without closure. Today I handle it by telling the person how I feel when unkind words are spoken to me and see where that leads. And sometimes I ask them what is bothering them and that opens a whole new dialogue. If that back fires, then maybe it's time to find new friends. Have you considered joining support groups or organizations were people understand your issues? It could lead to finding new friends. Sally Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 If all this is true (it doesn't seem like there'd be much time for actual friendship amidst all the hostility), yes, blow him right the fnck out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 It sounds to me that you are more of a sister figure than a friend to this guy. He says things to you you'd say to make your little sister cry, you know. And it's all very juvenile, so if he's over the age of 21, I'd say there's something seriously wrong with him to still be acting like that. He isn't much of a friend. Keep this in your back pocket: People who seem to really enjoy putting other people down do that to try to convince themselves they're better than someone, and their need to do that is because they have very low self-esteem and really don't feel good about themselves. So they're desperate to elevate themselves some way. It's never a fulfilling thing since the boner from it only lasts a minute and then they have to find someone else to put down. Psychologists call it "leveling." Bringing someone down lower than you to make yourself feel better. You've outgrown him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorelei90 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 He is about 38 years old. And about the low self esteem, i cant take it as an excuse for him or be understanding about it, i have a low self esteem also and i ve never put anyone down. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 You are not this guy's friend. You're this guy's emotional punching bag. He's taking out his miserable life on you. He's not a friend. Nothing about this guy is a friend. Having things in common does not a friend make. So yes, cut ties. Permanently. Link to post Share on other sites
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