acapelo_dp Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I moved to a new city two years ago and I am working full time in social services field that pays my bills but doesn't give me an extravagant lifestyle. There are a lot of business people in this city who make good money. I have a best girl friend who I work with and we enjoy spending time with each other - even just going for a walk. We both have similar interests and make the same income. She is very understanding and caring. However, I have two or three female acquaintances who I spend time with occasionally who only ask me to go to concerts during events or go out drinking at bars/clubs. Now, I am down for going out maybe one weekend a month but I simply can't afford to be going out drinking every weekend and I frankly have no urge to. I would rather go to the gym or go out and enjoy a nice meal or go to a movie. I have limited funds atm because I am paying for braces I need next week, and despite telling these acquaintances the past month I need to save money and don't have the funds to go out they keep on asking me anyway. One lives at home and doesn't pay rent and one has a great job earning way more than me. I feel like they just use me to go out and party with or for a place to stay. I was supposed to go to a concert this past Wednesday and I stated I couldn't, and this girl called me five times and kept texting me every 20 minutes. I had to turn my phone off. Has anyone ever had friends like this? I have felt super depressed and almost even angry this week because they both keep asking me to go to expensive concerts or go out partying, and when I say I have to save money they keep insisting or seem disappointed which is making me feel like a terrible friend. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Can you change up the party & invite them to your place, byo? The events they invite you to may be the only way they know how to socialize. You may have to educate them about alternatives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Can you change up the party & invite them to your place, byo? The events they invite you to may be the only way they know how to socialize. You may have to educate them about alternatives. I have asked them just to go out to dinner with one of the girls, and then it turned into a night of drinking. It's exhausting. I usually have them over at my place but I can't always have people over drinking since I have a roommate. It's tough because one lives 45 minutes away and the other is close but we both don't have a vehicle - otherwise I'd suggest going on a hike in the mountains. Maybe I can suggest going for coffee or a yoga class. I just feel like they would be bored doing things not related to alcohol. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Some people are just like that. I have a friends (a couple actually). DH & I wanted to spend time with them without alcohol, so we suggested going to the movies. They brought airplane bottles of booze in her purse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Some people are just like that. I have a friends (a couple actually). DH & I wanted to spend time with them without alcohol, so we suggested going to the movies. They brought airplane bottles of booze in her purse. Really?! Oh my... Yeah, I think these girls are just like that. Unfortunately, I don't want to spend my weekends in bed hung over and broke all the time. I do have some friends that enjoy doing other things - but I don't want to ignore these girls either. I also have some fitness goals I want to achieve and I just can't accomplish it with a bottle of wine each week. Maybe I should just try and invite them doing some non-alcoholic activities and see if that turns out to be a fun time as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 No reason to be mad at your friends. Just be glad you have friends who want to go do things and tell them you wish you could but you can't. Get a second job and pay off your stuff quickly so you don't keep missing out. These years with friends who want to go do things don't last long. Don't miss them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 No reason to be mad at your friends. Just be glad you have friends who want to go do things and tell them you wish you could but you can't. Get a second job and pay off your stuff quickly so you don't keep missing out. These years with friends who want to go do things don't last long. Don't miss them. I'm not mad at them, I am annoyed that ALL they want to do is go out and party or drink. I have done my share of partying trust me lol and I will be 25 in two months. At this time in my life I enjoy doing things other than partying - I don't feel like I am missing out because my idea of fun isn't just drinking anymore. Also I usually do have money but the next two months I don't due to a large expense (orthodontics) and I have to save for a road trip coming up - which will be a fun experience not to miss out on haha. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Well, you'll enjoy your road trip, I'm sure. You can't make people change at the same pace you did. You're over all the partying. They aren't. I partied until I was 40, mainly due to my career though. You'll probably drift apart because now your interests are different, but please remember it's your interests that have changed, not theirs, so it's nobody's fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Well, you'll enjoy your road trip, I'm sure. You can't make people change at the same pace you did. You're over all the partying. They aren't. I partied until I was 40, mainly due to my career though. You'll probably drift apart because now your interests are different, but please remember it's your interests that have changed, not theirs, so it's nobody's fault. I'm not blaming anyone. I still love going out drinking and having wine with dinner - just not getting super drunk every single weekend. It's the fact they aren't understanding about it and only ask me to drink - nothing else. Usually with my best friends we go out partying sometimes but we also have hobbies we enjoy together outside of getting plastered.. Link to post Share on other sites
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