Best friend issues? :(

[Xowle]

Recently I broke up with my best friend of four years. She was becoming so distant from me and was starting to get way out of my league. She had a guy sending her nudes, so many guy friends, even a boyfriend. I had never even brushed shoulders with a guy before. She was treating me so horribly, and considering the state I was in, she wasn't helping. She abandoned me when I needed her most, and I had always been there for her. She never wanted to know about my life, always wanted to talk about hers. She ruined one her friend's lives before, but I was too blind to see she was going to do the same to me. She had hooked her friend up with her guy best friend who was self-harming at the time. Every time this friend of hers wanted to break up with him, he would threaten to kill himself, traumatizing her. She later had to receive therapy. The girl confronted my former best friend about it, and my best friend just acted like a real jerk. Saying it wasn't that bad, it was probably nothing. The same girl that was using his credit cards to go on huge shopping sprees, of course she wouldn't know her friend's predicament. She ruined my life in different ways of course. Everyone was telling me to dump her, but I was too naïve. I finally did three days ago. Her response to me was, "Alright, bye [my name]." I was shocked. All of my others friends had been right. She could have cared less about me. Our friendship was beginning to be too toxic. Somehow I still miss her, should I go back and try to repair things? Or was I right in dumping her and should move on?

[cmonnox]

Hi you should just leave her to her own thing, time will heal between you two don't approach her in anyway, she will see she has done wrong and will come back to you. Remember she will need you before you will need her.

[preraph]

Because you say you've never even brushed shoulders with a guy before, I'm assuming you're really young and that your friend is also young. During the teens and early 20s, people's brains are still not fully developed and the person is making rapid changes in development. During those years, I think it's common for us to lose a friend who suddenly, as you say, becomes out of your league. They are simply developing at a different pace and in different directions than you are. It happened to me. My friend from when I was 3 took up with snooty girls in middle school and I wasn't even interested in being around either of them at that point.

 

As far as blaming her for the self-harming guy -- unless I'm wrong and you're not young people, then she isn't old or wise enough to know the complications from that so you shouldn't blame her. Your friend who got involved with him is responsible for herself and so is he responsible for himself. No one else is responsible for that mess.

 

If you're NOT young and all this is happening to 30 year old people, and you still haven't rubbed shoulders with a guy, well, that's a whole different nest of snakes.

[Xowle]

You're both right, and we're 15 years of age.

[preraph]

Well, it's always sad when a friend goes her own way because you feel left behind. But unfortunately it's a fact of life that just happens. Don't be in any hurry to "catch up to her." You're probably better off not being as focused on boys as she is. There's plenty of time for all that. But yes, I remember when two of my friends started being real involved with boys and I was even a bit alarmed by it and it did cause us to drift apart some. I hadn't brushed shoulders with a guy either by your age (I'm really old now, could be your grandmother). Her loyalty will be with her boyfriends when she has them because that's exciting to her. As long as you don't overreact about it, she'll probably come around some when she's not as absorbed in the boyfriends. Good luck. Just concentrate on hanging out with other girls or making new friends and hope for the best.