My close friend is trying to hurt me, I'm so sad

[Pennyapple]

My friend and I have recently got our grades for an important exam(we are both in grad school), my friend got A and I got a B. I was very sad because I studied a lot for it. So I told my friend that I feel I'm disappointing my supervisor who always says that he holds very high opinion of me, also my boyfriend since he has helped me study a lot. To my surprise she said that I'm being ridiculous because my supervisor and my boyfriend don't care at all.

Then at a gathering that night I couldn't really lift up my spirit and I was checking facebook instead of talking a lot. And she came to me frowning, saying that I'm ruining the mood. And immediately on Facebook she updated her status as "got an A in xx exam and having a great time".

This morning again she texted me saying that she got an award for that course and asked if I got it too. I said I didn't. And she said oh right you got a B.

Now I am more than convinced that my friend who I thought I was very close with is trying to hurt me deliberately. This is so sad. I've always tried to encourage her and support her. She has trouble attracting guys, and I'm always encouraging her like oh you should go talk to XXX I'm pretty sure he'll like you. Now this is what I got. What should I do? Swallow the fact that she is not a true friend?

[preraph]

You cannot expect her to dampen her mood because you made a B. A B is a very good grade. And she can't be expected to be sad about it with you. She made an A and has every right to be happy about it and not saddened by you not quite making an A. You are being self-centered and narcissistic thinking that everyone should care about your grades. Only your parents care about your grades, really. Your bf is probably just humoring you. If you had made a D, he'd probably love you the same. If you'd made an A, he'd still love you the same. He can't be expected to really care much. Supervisors aren't caring about this on any personal level. It's just numbers to them.

 

Leave your friend alone and stop trying to make her feel bad with you! She owes you nothing. You owe her to stop being resentful and trying to dampen her spirit during a small personal victory.

[whichwayisup]

Be happy with your B. That still is an excellent mark! You should be proud instead of disappointed in yourself.

 

Your friend is being a bitch. She is enjoying her A over your B and rubbing it in your face. IGNORE HER and don't let her get to you! I know, easier said than done but just keep in mind that she probably is jealous of you and has had this one opportunity to shine and she wants everybody to know she's better than you. This is HER issue, not yours. For some reason it makes her feel good to put you down which means she's not happy inside and wants to make you feel shi.tty too. Again, ignore her and focus on your other friends who make you smile and laugh.

[Kopite]

You cannot expect her to dampen her mood because you made a B. A B is a very good grade. And she can't be expected to be sad about it with you. She made an A and has every right to be happy about it and not saddened by you not quite making an A. You are being self-centered and narcissistic thinking that everyone should care about your grades. Only your parents care about your grades, really. Your bf is probably just humoring you. If you had made a D, he'd probably love you the same. If you'd made an A, he'd still love you the same. He can't be expected to really care much. Supervisors aren't caring about this on any personal level. It's just numbers to them.

 

Leave your friend alone and stop trying to make her feel bad with you! She owes you nothing. You owe her to stop being resentful and trying to dampen her spirit during a small personal victory.

 

Hahaha. This is a wind-up surely? Either that or you are her friend who got the A.

[CC12]

And immediately on Facebook she updated her status as "got an A in xx exam and having a great time".

This morning again she texted me saying that she got an award for that course and asked if I got it too. I said I didn't. And she said oh right you got a B.

 

These are the only two things your friend did that you have a right to be upset or annoyed by. The first one was probably just a matter of poor timing, but she's allowed to post about herself on Facebook. The second one sounds like a major foot-in-the-mouth moment for her. It happens to all of us. If she's a nice person, I doubt she's doing this intentionally.

 

If you're good friends apart from this, either let it go or gently tell her that her comments made you feel bad.

[anika99]

My friend and I have recently got our grades for an important exam(we are both in grad school), my friend got A and I got a B. I was very sad because I studied a lot for it. So I told my friend that I feel I'm disappointing my supervisor who always says that he holds very high opinion of me, also my boyfriend since he has helped me study a lot. To my surprise she said that I'm being ridiculous because my supervisor and my boyfriend don't care at all.

Then at a gathering that night I couldn't really lift up my spirit and I was checking facebook instead of talking a lot. And she came to me frowning, saying that I'm ruining the mood. And immediately on Facebook she updated her status as "got an A in xx exam and having a great time".

This morning again she texted me saying that she got an award for that course and asked if I got it too. I said I didn't. And she said oh right you got a B.

Now I am more than convinced that my friend who I thought I was very close with is trying to hurt me deliberately. This is so sad. I've always tried to encourage her and support her. She has trouble attracting guys, and I'm always encouraging her like oh you should go talk to XXX I'm pretty sure he'll like you. Now this is what I got. What should I do? Swallow the fact that she is not a true friend?

 

 

Up until I read the bolded I was giving your friend the benefit of the doubt. For example, the part about her saying your bf and supervisor don't care, I thought that she was possibly trying to say that those people are not disappointed in you and so you shouldn't feel bad. Also there is nothing wrong with her brag on FB about her A. She has a right to be happy about her good grades. However, the "Oh right, you got a B" sounded very deliberately catty and pointed. Very uncool.

 

 

However you also mentioned that she has trouble attracting guys and you try to encourage her which I'm assuming means that you do not have her problem when it comes to getting male attention. I'm guessing it's pretty painful for a young girl to be rejected by males while watching her friends easily attract attention. Getting an A was probably a rare occasion for her to boast and feel good about herself. If this is the first time this has happened maybe you can give her a pass this time and let her have her moment to gloat just a little.

[preraph]

Hahaha. This is a wind-up surely? Either that or you are her friend who got the A.

 

Oh, yes, you've found me out. I am indeed the evil friend who dared to make a better grade than my friend and be proud of it. At this very moment, I am standing in front of my mirror holding my report card up next to my face and laughing wickedly because my friend failed so miserably by making a B, and now I am wondering what I am even doing lowering myself to speak to her at all.

[Trishern]

I think your friend was very insensitive and her comments about your boyfriend and supervisor were uncalled for. Of course your boyfriend would be interested as he helped you study.

 

 

 

 

Rubbing her award in your face was uncalled for. I would not want such a friend at all. I'd back off from her if I were you. She was just mean and nasty.

 

 

By the way, you did well with a B. I understand you were disappointed as you worked really hard, but don't be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mrs. T

[minimariah]

You cannot expect her to dampen her mood because you made a B.

 

she doesn't expect that. she expected comfort and encouragement, she expected her friend NOT to rub her own grades in her face. because, you know... that's what friends are expected to do.

 

the OP doesn't expect that. she probably expected her friend NOT to rub her A in the OP's face when it's clearly not a great moment for the OP A B is a very good grade. And she can't be expected to be sad about it with you.

 

again, no one expects her to be sad. it's totally okay to expect comfort and support instead of petty "oh, that's right! you got a B!" as if she didn't already know that.

 

She owes you nothing. You owe her to stop being resentful and trying to dampen her spirit during a small personal victory.

 

so the OP owes something to her friend but that same friend owes nothing to the OP.......? that doesn't make any sense.

[preraph]

She's expecting way too much sympathy for getting a B. That should be a non-issue.

[minimariah]

She's expecting way too much sympathy for getting a B.

 

it's not about getting a B at all.

 

it's about working hard and NOT getting the result you wanted - hence being disappointed. to the OP getting a B IS a "big deal" because she clearly isn't a mediocre student.

 

she doesn't expect sympathy JUST for getting a lower grade. and most importantly - she expects her friend to have that little sensitivity chip in her that will prevent her from playing stupid & saying "oh! THAT's RIGHT! you got a B so you didn't get an award that I did!" just to be petty. she knew damn well her friend didn't get an award.

 

i know exactly the OP's friend's kind - those are not anybody's friends.

 

if you feel like you're getting played, you probably are. so if the OP feels like her friend was being shady, she probably was -- that phone call was most definitely shady.

[preraph]

^Exactly my point. She expects her friend to put her feelings first. And all because (gasp) she got a B. My guess, she's too competitive and her friend probably isn't putting nearly as much thought into that aspect.

[LuckyLady13]

Like everybody is saying, your friend has the right to be happy about the A and I'm not so sure much of what she said to you was intended to hurt you. Sometimes people get a little obnoxious when they're happy about something and have no regard for people around them until they come down out of the clouds. It's not exactly an admirable trait in a friend...

 

I do think this friend of yours should have offered up helping you next time achieve that A right along with her. What's the fun of doing things like that all by yourself and not bringing good friends along if you can? Working together is more fun.

[disneyfan90]

I do think it appears as though she is rubbing this in your face a bit too much. Regardless, her comments aren't something you should really worry about or give much thought to. You got a B, and that's pretty good. Just focus on doing even better next time, and don't compare yourself to your friend. This shouldn't be a competition between the two of you. Be happy for her, but also be proud of yourself for making the grade that you made.

[CarrieT]

You got the B and you should be proud of your accomplishment.

 

However, if she rubbing your nose in her A and it is affecting you, than you are giving her power that she does not deserve.

 

Take back what belongs to you and don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. In the grand scheme of things, her games are not worth it. You will find she will move on and - ultimately - you probably won't even maintain the friendship after school is out.

 

Again: Don't Give Her The Power To Hurt You.

 

Be a duck - let it roll off your back...

[minimariah]

^Exactly my point. She expects her friend to put her feelings first.

 

noap.

 

offering comfort and understanding to someone you consider your friend doesn't mean that you put their feelings above yours. you can offer comfort and sympathy while still being super excited and happy about your own accomplishments -- those aren't mutually exclusive things.

 

And all because (gasp) she got a B.

 

no & explained it in the previous post.

 

My guess, she's too competitive and her friend probably isn't putting nearly as much thought into that aspect.

 

it's actually the other way around -- the OP's friend is the competitive one hence her rubbing the award & her grade in the OP's face AND playing dumb with the "oooohhhhhh, that's right... you got a B!" like your friend was in a clearly bad mood because she got a B, complains to you about it and you suddenly forget about what she got the next day? yeah, sure.