Friend accused me of something I did not do.

[proactivedreamer]

My friend recently sent me an email detailing her discontent with something she claims I did months ago, which has resulted in her questioning our friendship. I responded without being defensive and said that I was sorry for making her feel the way she did, and told her I was grateful that she reached out, and I essentially told her that I would like to work things out.

My problem is that I actually feel really hurt by her accusation and I feel like I won't be able to be myself around her anymore. I literally just went to her wedding earlier this month, got her a wedding gift, and wished her well on her trip. Meanwhile, she was harboring all these bad feelings about me? Basically back in December, Me, her, her bf, and this guy -they introduced me to, hung out. She was trying to set me up with him. I told her when we were alone that he really wasn't my type. She noted in her email that I hurt her feelings about that. I am not sure if it was the way I said it, but I don't recall being abrasive about it. Anyways, we went back to this guy's place and drank and they had some edible. She had way too much edible, and I got way too drunk. She claims that I was paying to close attention to her, now, husband, and that she was observing my behavior with him throughout the night. I did not address this in my email response, but she got really sick from that edible and she was really high,so how could she observe me, objectively, anyways to make such as accusation. She went on to say that I probably did not mean it, and that it made her uncomfortable.

 

In my email response, I essentially said I was sorry, and that I value our friendship, and I hope that I could win back her trust in me. Thing is, I feel really indignant because I know I didn't misbehave or get close to her bf. I don't do that kind of thing, and I really think the whole thing is unfair. She also said that I don't follow through on my invitations to get together, but that is not entirely true. I basically said we both probably need to make a greater effort to get together. I really think she is a cool person, and our friendship is still young. I really want to be a good friend, which I expressed to her in my response.

My whole point is that the accusation is off putting and I want us to get past it, but I feel kind of angry about it.

[preraph]

Well, we all know "edible" and "nonedible" both make you paranoid. But if you really didn't fixate or anything on her man, then why didn't you just jump up her *ss about it and say "How dare you! I did not such thing! Why would I want that toad after you've told me so much bad stuff about him?" Or something similar. Sounds like you felt guilty enough to take the blame for it.

 

As for her feelings hurt because you didn't go marry a guy she set you up with -- tell her no more setups. That's crazy.

[whichwayisup]

Did you hang out with her then boyfriend at the time? Maybe you don't feel like you got too close but she felt you got too close. Do you have any memory of speaking to him, sitting with him, laughing with him?

 

All you can do is tell her that you are NOT interested in her guy and show her that you two have a great friendship and never to worry about something like that ever again. Even tell her, her H is NOT your type either.

[Bolacool]

It's good to have brought all this issue out of your chest. My response is that though it's cool to have apologized in order not to drag the accusation far, however, apologizing can be an indication of admittance. I know you cherish your friendship with your friend however, since you did not commit those offenses she claimed then, you should have told her so. it's always better to stay on the part of truth. In addition, you too have feelings and know what you want and not, it's therefore wrong of her to feel offended for turning down the match make since the man in question is not even your type. If she's indeed a true friend, then she should have respected your opinion and your feelings instead of castigating you for it.

 

For now, let's wait for her response to your reply but I will suggest that you too should be on your guide. A friend who could put you under spotlight even in a state of stupor should not be relied on.

[proactivedreamer]

It's good to have brought all this issue out of your chest. My response is that though it's cool to have apologized in order not to drag the accusation far, however, apologizing can be an indication of admittance. I know you cherish your friendship with your friend however, since you did not commit those offenses she claimed then, you should have told her so. it's always better to stay on the part of truth. In addition, you too have feelings and know what you want and not, it's therefore wrong of her to feel offended for turning down the match make since the man in question is not even your type. If she's indeed a true friend, then she should have respected your opinion and your feelings instead of castigating you for it.

 

For now, let's wait for her response to your reply but I will suggest that you too should be on your guide. A friend who could put you under spotlight even in a state of stupor should not be relied on.

 

 

Thanks so much for your insight and perspective. I did end up sending a follow up email, after not hearing from her for a few days. I did express how hurt I was, and pressed to her that I would never do what she said I did. It was a fairly extensive email, and I was able to communicate my grievances. She did respond, and we have agreed to move forward from this. She shared some kinds words with me, and so I am happy to say it all worked out.