Feeling screwed over by my housemate

[Mooncloud]

I moved in to this flat last November, so this will be my 5th month here. Coming from a background of ****ty houseshares and cheap spare rooms, I was in a decent job earning enough to look for something more desirable, and was excited to find a nice modern, quiet two bedroom place in a convenient location owned by this one girl, 'A'. We are both twenty something working professionals looking for similar roommate qualities at the time and we instantly felt like a good match, so we agreed I would move in and things went well at first.

 

We had a few blips in the next couple of months, as is expected with anyone getting used to living with someone new. I am more of an introvert compared to her and I soon realised a lot more conscious of cleanliness, but began to feel put out by her constantly making mess in the kitchen and leaving it untouched for days because she had friends over and made excuses for being out and not having time, while I had to put up with and work around it and often clean her things myself out of pure frustration. There was one incident where she was off sick from work for a week solid and began piling up dirty dishes, trash and open packets of cat food that was just added onto and spread further over all the surfaces every day until the kitchen was completely unusable, then still going out every night without so much as touching it. Almost immediately after this event she sent me a long-winded descriptive text reprimanding me for leaving a comparatively small collection of dishes by the sink for three days. She 'sat me down for a chat' and berated me for not making enough effort towards the level of cleanliness in the flat, and when I shot back with the issue of her own mess she claimed that being sick automatically gave her a valid excuse- and I was in more often than her so therefore I should always be cleaning more. I argued back and she told me I was behaving like a rude teenager and didn't want to deal with my attitude, even threatening to hand me my notice after this apparantely insulting gesture. Not wanting to rock the boat so extremely I contained my inner rage and we managed to maturely debate it out and agree to both pull our weight regularly, then things carried on as normal.

 

However I still found myself even up till now to be 99% the only one ever sweeping up the dirty floors, sorting the dishwasher, tidying up the lounge after her lazy sofa days, replenishing household essentials and taking out and relining the bins when they inevitably begin overflowing. Perhaps out of some deep inner victim complex or plain frustration I have just continued to literally suck it up and clean the flat myself for the last 5 months and even do countless favours for her on top of this, like feed her cat when she goes away and pick things up for her while shopping.

 

Then just around the beginning of January she met a guy, although she had up to that point been adamant after her last relationship that ended shortly before I moved in, that she would not touch the idea of another man for 'a long time' and wanted to focus on herself in the future. Go figure because within literally a week of meeting him she declared they were 'serious' and he began coming over every other weekend, then every other day. Since then I find myself confronted with a collection of both of their mess that again will build up every day throughout the week and left to rot for the entire weekend, being woken up on several work nights in a row with the sound of their loudly having sex and giggling next door, and passive aggressively shut out of the lounge for the evenings while they cuddle on the couch and watch movies. She even has the nerve to drop hints that she wants the flat to herself whenever it suits their needs, and if I stick around and interrupt them for whatever reason I always get cold glares and very blunt responses to my presence in the room.

 

We have acted as friends and I would say pretty close at times and then she will do something to throw it all back in my face, and this cumulative behaviour was just about all I could tolerate. But when she text me at work out of the blue on tuesday saying she wanted to have another 'chat with me', I was initially thinking she might just be angry about something petty again- when I finally got home she was just casually chilling on the sofa with a glass of wine. Then she broke the news to me that her and her guy had been talking and she wants him to move in, so I'm being served my months notice from the beginning of April. No real explanation or choice in the matter just, sorry we made our decision and we both want to take things to the next level so that's that.

 

I honestly felt like standing up with both my middle fingers poised in the air in front of her and saying well, thankyou for wasting five months of my ****ing life with your bull****. I have tried so hard to be a good, civil and hard working roomate, to make this a pleasant living environment for both of us and bent over backwards to keep it from degrading into a complete pigsty, whilst you have been interested in nothing more than fobbing off your responsibilities to go out partying, meeting guys and being as lazy as possible. I'm paying you rent every month to essentially be treated like a housemaid and now you want to suddenly commit to a guy you've known all of three months, well I say good luck with that.

 

I honestly hope the relationship does work out, so I don't see a Facebook status in another two months time with her crying about having an empty room and needing a stipend from some other poor sod's rent to fund her excessive spending habits.

 

Rant over, time to get on the web and look for a new place.

[writergal]

Oi, she sounds like a total nightmare roommate!! Yes, get the heck outta there! Can you get someone to take over your share of the lease once you find your own place? I think that's the best option for you. Move out as soon as you can.

[Penguin_hugs]

The first part of your message sounds so like my current situation- so I feel your pain!

 

One way to spin it- now you are leaving the situation without having to make up an excuse to her so that's a plus. At least you will be leaving soon.

 

I'm sorry the last 5 months have been a nightmare, I've found writing down the rants very therapeutic and hopefully you can move on from it.

 

You just know now that you won't ever live with her again!

[Mooncloud]

Oi, she sounds like a total nightmare roommate!! Yes, get the heck outta there! Can you get someone to take over your share of the lease once you find your own place? I think that's the best option for you. Move out as soon as you can.

 

Thanks writergal- it feels good to know people understand how much of a nightmare she really is, the more I think about it myself! I'm actually not on a contract or lease, she owns the flat and it's simply a shorthold tenancy so either of us can give our months notice any time with no consequences. I'm kind of glad she asked me to go, It's just so frustrating that the whole reason we both agreed I would move in here was to settle in for a longer time and potentially build a new friendship, not for me to put up with her immature crap and be turfed out in place of a random boyfriend so quickly. You get where I'm coming from though, I'll be out soon!

 

The first part of your message sounds so like my current situation- so I feel your pain!

 

One way to spin it- now you are leaving the situation without having to make up an excuse to her so that's a plus. At least you will be leaving soon.

 

I'm sorry the last 5 months have been a nightmare, I've found writing down the rants very therapeutic and hopefully you can move on from it.

 

You just know now that you won't ever live with her again!

 

Thanks penguinhugs, I'm glad to have ranted it all out- it was really cathartic! I read your post out of curiosity and I so understand what you're going through especially since I too at the moment don't seem to have a lot of people available to talk about things with. I should count myself lucky I can leave my place straight away, I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation (hugs) Now we both know people are out there who feel for us!

 

PS; I noticed you're from SE England, I am too! Whereabouts are you based, if you don't mind me asking?

[Satu]

She'll probably expect the boyfriend to do all the work after you're gone.

 

Be happy in your next home

[Mooncloud]

She'll probably expect the boyfriend to do all the work after you're gone.

 

Be happy in your next home

 

Haha, I honestly don't doubt that for a second- heck it won't be my problem soon!

 

Thank you!

[Penguin_hugs]

Hi Mooncloud- I'm from Hampshire

 

I tried to see if I could message you- but I couldn't work it out!

 

It's a nice feeling to know that I'm not alone too- housemate issues make me feel pretty isolated as there doesn't seem to be anywhere to escape to (as it's your home) and particularly in my house we have thin walls so it's difficult to have phone rants to people without others hearing!

 

Good luck with your move- I hope you find somewhere better soon

[Mooncloud]

Hi Mooncloud- I'm from Hampshire

 

I tried to see if I could message you- but I couldn't work it out!

 

It's a nice feeling to know that I'm not alone too- housemate issues make me feel pretty isolated as there doesn't seem to be anywhere to escape to (as it's your home) and particularly in my house we have thin walls so it's difficult to have phone rants to people without others hearing!

 

Good luck with your move- I hope you find somewhere better soon

 

Hey penguinhugs- Wow, I've actually never been to Hampshire! I'm currently in Wiltshire and it's not that great, I'm thinking of moving back out to my hometown further London way. My friends over there have been notoriously hard to get hold of the last week aswell so I've not even had a chance to talk to them about it, and the last few days this girl has been in an incredibly volatile mood so I'm desperate to make plans to get out.

 

I've been stuck in all weekend because everyone else I know seems to be busy too, and her and the boyfriend had a big argument where he stormed out and I heard the whole thing. She seems to have canceled all her weekend plans and made a fort on the sofa for the last 48 hours, left the kitchen in an absolute state, and she's being incredibly snappy with me, so it's not very fun at the moment and I just want to get the heck away from her. Sigh.

 

Thanks for the supportive message, I hope you're getting on OK! I'm not sure how the pm's work but I will try to figure it out from my end, then you can message me if you want to chat

[Penguin_hugs]

Mooncloud- I think it's because we are both new members- we can't PM until we have been registered for a set time- but lets try not to ThreadJack!

 

How is the situation now? Better after the weekend? Just be careful that your housemate doesn't ask you to stay on if she's had a fall out with her BF- you've seen her true colours now! Have you started looking for other places to live yet?

 

Weird question- do they regularly indulge in PDA around the house? I'm wondering whether it's just my housemate and her BF or if it's standard. I'm uncomfortable being around it- but I just put that down to growing up in a non PDA household and my parents split up before I was of the age to really notice that kind of thing.

 

But quite regularly they make out in the kitchen in front of me and I find it so awkward! Like I was having a chat with both of them and suddenly his hands were under her top while they continued chatting! For me that's a bit odd.