Upset that friends didn't offer to chip in for expensive taxi

[swimmergirl2010]

Hello,

I'm sorry if this is a bit convoluted but basically I feel a bit slighted because I feel that my "friends" were taking advantage of me last night. I'll call them Alex and Elisse. We are grad school classmates and friends. We had a grad school party tonight and decided to all have some wine before at Alex's place and go over to the party together, it was at a bar downtown. I offered to bring wine but she said not to bring anything and she shared her bottle of wine.

 

Anyway, Elisse and I use uber and they have a promo where if you share the app with a friend, they get a ride credit and you also get a smaller ride credit. So, Elisse shared it with Alex and she got us the uber ride to the bar (about a $18 ride), but she wasn't charged since the credit covered the ride. Well, once we got to the bar we weren't having a great time, so I suggested we go to a house party that I had been invited to about 8 mins away by taxi. They seemed ambivalent but were up for having an adventure. So, I ordered an uber to get there, and the 3 of us hopped in. At this point, I wasn't thinking about the fact that I was paying for it because I figured someone would get the ride home and we'd work it out. I forgot to use the "share" setting.

 

 

Anyway, we get to the house party and my friends also weren't having a great time so they decided to leave after 5 mins and go to a bar nearby. I stayed but then decided I wanted to leave, too, so I texted them asking if they were still out. They said they were but were going home. Since we all live in the same neighborhood, I said I'd go home with them too. I called an uber from the house party and they asked "can you stop by and we can just hop in?" I said fine, again not thinking that they wouldn't offer to split it.

Anyway, we took the uber from the house party all the way back to where we live, about a 25 min ride and a $35 uber fare! I live a block from them and got out, and they had the uber drive them to their individual houses. I figured since we all use venmo, and I always pay them back for uber rides, that they'd ask me how much it was and pay me. Anyway, I woke up this morning realizing how expensive the ride was and I texted them asking if they'd pay me for the ride back from the house party since I picked them up and that was out of the way and they had the uber drop them off at their homes after I got out. one of them responded "Well I also paid for a really expensive ride from the house party to the bar nearby but sure, I can venmo you." It really sounded like she didn't think she should pay because I invited them to the house party and they didn't have a good time.

 

Am I right to feel pissed? Am I in the wrong here? I can't believe I actually had to ask them to pay me! I'm truly shocked since I've never done that to a friend. We are all poor grad students and I don't know why they think I can afford this. I don't think this is worth ending a friendship over, but I'm truly taken aback. I'm wondering if they think that, because I invited them to the house party and it was out of the way, that they don't have to pay me?

 

I texted one of the girls and said:

"Hey! It was really good seeing you last night. Do you think you could venmo me like $5 for the sidecar? Somehow it ended up being more than I thought because I didn't get the promo... Thanks!"

 

She replied: "Hey, you too! I also paid for a really expensive ride to leave petworth... Haha so ridiculous. But will definitely venmo you, thanks for getting the ride home"

 

I feel that maybe I was being petty in texting her for $5? I don't know, I just felt like if the situation were reversed, I would've offered to chip in for the expensive taxi.

 

 

tl;dr: Paid for an uber ride for 2 friends and neither offered to split the fare. when I texted them to let them know how much it was, they still didn't offer and one of them said she also paid for an expensive ride from the party to a bar (but I wasn't in that uber) and it was her choice to leave!

[CC12]

There are a couple of things you should learn from this:

 

1) Never be surprised when people cheap out on stuff.

2) Always have arrangements made beforehand when expecting people to share bills.

 

Yeah, they should have offered to pay their share, but I feel like there's only a relatively small number of people who would voluntarily pay for something they haven't been asked to pay. To be fair to your friends, it seems like they took care of the other rides, plus you didn't ask them to chip in, so they probably just assumed you were cool to cover it. I very much doubt they purposely or maliciously took advantage of you.

 

And one of them so far has agreed to pay what you asked for, and she thanked you for getting them home. Try to forget about her mentioning that she also paid for a ride - her tone was not "Well, I paid for things too, so I shouldn't pay you anything." It seemed like it was more like "Yeah, I feel you, those rides got expensive!"

 

I don't think you're being petty in asking them to chip in $5 after the fact. One of the girls said she'd give you that, so there's no problem there. And if the other one doesn't agree to pay you, it's just five bucks, lesson learned, you'll have to be especially careful about arranging payment with this particular friend beforehand.

 

But really, it's such a small sum that you shouldn't worry about it or feel betrayed or anything. Just be more careful in the future.

Edited March 9, 2015 by CC12

[Frank2thepoint]

We are all poor grad students and I don't know why they think I can afford this.

 

If you all are really poor grad students, then why are you guys going out to bars, partying it up?

 

I don't think $35 is a big deal to pay for a taxi, but if this is a big deal for you, then you should look at how you spend and come up with a financial plan.

 

Your friends' response of "really expensive ride" sounded passive aggressive, but you asking for $5 is petty. Either way, the next time you go out, make sure to talk about expenses with your friends beforehand so no one will be getting upset at the end of the night.

[d0nnivain]

Lesson learned: you talk about the $$ & the split before you get in the car.

[rester]

I can see why you feel taken advantage of, but even as a poor college student, I would have found someone asking me to reimburse them $5 to be a little ridiculous. If your friends make a habit of not ever chipping in, then that would be an issue. Usually what comes around goes around, so you might spend extra one time, and someone else might spend more another time. Personal comfort with this will vary, but I would try not to get too upset and nickel and dime your friends every time you go out.

[michellew]

I'd let it go and don't offer to pay next time. Let someone else foot the bill.

[Els]

This all sounds very nitpicky to be honest. It isn't very black-and-white - from the way your post reads, Elisse DID pay for all of you to go to the bar, and the fact that it was part of her free credit is a grey area as if she hadn't footed it one of you would have had to. Also she treated you to wine. If them not chipping in was a recurring problem or the bill was big, I would say something, but in this case I would let it go.

 

Also if you are all poor students, is it REALLY a good idea to go party/bar-hopping with Uber? Frankly when I was a student I wouldn't use a cab at all unless extremely necessary (interview in inaccessible place, etc). Definitely wouldn't use it on a regular basis to party, much less go to one party and then the next and the next.

[kendahke]

Lesson learned: next time, get your own ride to where you're going and let them get theirs. That way, they can whine about how expensive it is to themselves. That or discuss ride arrangements long before you get into or out of the uber/cab.

[hotgurl]

This all sounds very nitpicky to be honest. It isn't very black-and-white - from the way your post reads, Elisse DID pay for all of you to go to the bar, and the fact that it was part of her free credit is a grey area as if she hadn't footed it one of you would have had to. Also she treated you to wine. If them not chipping in was a recurring problem or the bill was big, I would say something, but in this case I would let it go.

 

Also if you are all poor students, is it REALLY a good idea to go party/bar-hopping with Uber? Frankly when I was a student I wouldn't use a cab at all unless extremely necessary (interview in inaccessible place, etc). Definitely wouldn't use it on a regular basis to party, much less go to one party and then the next and the next.

 

I was thinking the same thing. When I was a student I walked or used public transportation.

 

Your friend payed for the first cab it doesn't matter if it was a credit or not she still payed for it. It seems like you payed for both the cab ride to the house party and home. So yes you kinda got screwed and the other girls should chip in but not Elisse since she paid for the first cab. But I would let it go. Next time work it out beforehand or don't be the person to order Uber be the person who chips in the cash so you are not screwed.

 

I learned that lesson when going out to dinner with a group. Never be the last one at the table.

[applej4]

There are a couple of things you should learn from this:

 

1) Never be surprised when people cheap out on stuff.

2) Always have arrangements made beforehand when expecting people to share bills.

 

Yeah, they should have offered to pay their share, but I feel like there's only a relatively small number of people who would voluntarily pay for something they haven't been asked to pay. To be fair to your friends, it seems like they took care of the other rides, plus you didn't ask them to chip in, so they probably just assumed you were cool to cover it. I very much doubt they purposely or maliciously took advantage of you.

 

And one of them so far has agreed to pay what you asked for, and she thanked you for getting them home. Try to forget about her mentioning that she also paid for a ride - her tone was not "Well, I paid for things too, so I shouldn't pay you anything." It seemed like it was more like "Yeah, I feel you, those rides got expensive!"

 

I don't think you're being petty in asking them to chip in $5 after the fact. One of the girls said she'd give you that, so there's no problem there. And if the other one doesn't agree to pay you, it's just five bucks, lesson learned, you'll have to be especially careful about arranging payment with this particular friend beforehand.

 

But really, it's such a small sum that you shouldn't worry about it or feel betrayed or anything. Just be more careful in the future.

 

I agree with this post, especially the bolded. It’s a very small amount of money, and while I understand your disappointment I think you should just write it off and let it be a learning experience.

[fishstar]

First of all, sorry I do not know what an 'uber' or 'venmo' is, but nevermind . Sorry you feel taken advantage of but people do this. At least it wasn't a huge amount although I understand when you are a student it can feel like a lot and you want to even save $ on partying if you can. I remember student days were one big party

 

Just try to learn a lesson from it this time and try to sort out how you split rides etc beforehand; don't offer to pay next time either. This is quite hard to always remember in reality though.

 

Last year I drove my heavily pregnant friend (A) to visit our other friend (B) who had just had a baby and lived in another city. I offered to drive because A was pregnant and she didn't have her car. We parked in the nearest multi-story park to B's apartment in the city. Anyway the actual meeting was not very enjoyable for me because they left me out of the conversation the whole time as the entire conversation was about B's labour and birth, and comparing notes with A. I don't have a baby so even though I tried to join in I hardly said a word, and they did not talk to me either. In fact B didn't even look at me or address me once even though she's a good friend. I remember feeling a bit humiliated and also why did I ever come. It was nice to see the newborn but I was really left out of the conversation. We were there for a couple of hours and I was to drive back with A and drop her home. The car park cost about £12 (about $20?) and A didn't chip in or offer to pay, even though I'd felt basically like a taxi driver. She knew they'd been rude to me because when we were walking to the car, she said sorry for what happened without me even saying anything. I said that's okay and also did not mention the parking lot payment. I think I mentioned it a couple of days later. She said 'I'm so sorry, I didn't even think about it' and said she would give me something for it but she never did. I let it go. It's not even the money, it's the principle, that some people don't even offer, and just 'take you for a ride' - forgive the pun!! So I understand where SG2010 is coming from.

 

Thing is, I learned my lesson now and you have to too. Recently B was going to visit A in another city, to see her newborn baby and really wanted me to go with her. She kept messaging me asking if I was coming, right up until the day. Whether I drove or not, I knew there was a risk of me not having a good time again (because I still don't have a baby lol), and so I made and excuse and declined.

 

Usually it's the same people you have to watch out for. Friend A had done this to me before with a lot more money (another story) but I still gave her benefit of the doubt. If you're good-natured, you generally don't expect people to outsmart you but sometimes these are the things you actually need to be on your guard about.