Kaiten Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I had this one friend who treated me pretty bad. His methods in arguments are so low that really, the only thing that makes me mad about it is that he goes around slandering my name. Ever since I decided to start my own business, he's been more or less a dick. Whenever we disagree he says things such as, "You always ... You never ... You suck ... All you ever think about is yourself ... Stop lying all the time ... You've lied about a million different things throughout the years" I could go on and on with this. I ask him, "For example?" Of course, he has none. Not even one. At best, whenever I ask him to explain his argument, he says, "You remember that time you said A? Well what you said made me think/feel B!" And then we have these long discussions where I explain what I meant. But I've learned from this guy that just because you feel a certain way, doesn't make it reality. The phrase 'Perception is reality' is such a copout to me. The equation for that phrase is literally, I think X, therefore X. I've also learned that arguing by dishing out absolutes is the most childish thing you can do, and is a sign that the person you're disagreeing with may not even be interested in a solution. The goal is to hurt. In that argument, I told my friend, "I don't even take it personally anymore when you say YOU ALWAYS/YOU NEVER. But please, for your sake, don't do that when you get in a relationship." His answer: "I only use absolutes on you. I cringe at the thought of using absolutes. Most of the time it just feels irrational. In this case, it's literally how I feel about you." How does that help? As I said before, what makes me the most upset is not what he says, but what he says to other people. I do not consider him a friend at all, because I've found out about things he's said about me before. But he goes around telling people that we're friends and I think that it's solely so that it gives him credibility with other people for slandering me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 If the two of you argue THIS much, why are you still friends? Maybe both of you have outgrown this friendship and it would be better to part ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 We are not friends. I just hate that he tells people that we are. Cuz then they believe what he says about me. Sorry for the rant Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) But if you are 'not friends' why are you still talking to him this much? Is he someone you work with? Stop hanging out with him. Cut him out of your life. The ammo he currently has can only carry him that far when he tries to slander you. Edited March 7, 2015 by Elswyth 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 This is actually from two months ago. It just sucks. That's why I ranted. It really do hate it that sometimes it's possible for people to view things in a completely different way than what is reality. But this is very characteristic of religious people. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Just distance yourself from this sort of dysfunctional behavioral verbal abusive person. Get on with your life. Need to figure out who are your friends. This one is not. Let this one go. You can't change people and this guy you can't change. Nor can he attempt to change you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Thanks for the support guys. It hurts to know that you can have a group full of people who like you less because of something like this. Or even when they have preconceived notions of you. I'll make new friends though Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 You should shut him out completely. All he is doing is looking for someone he can tear down to build himself up. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I had a friend like this once total back stabbing bitch mine would try to play me and my bf agenst each other. Then when I cut her out of my life she tried to play him agenst me cause he was still friends with her loser bf. Yeah in the end I missed the good times but people like that are toxic and have no place in my life these days..Just cut this guy out of your life and 100% move on tell people your not friends because of how he acted but dont bad mouth him and people will see whats really going on trust me... Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Most people will know he is not a good friend. Claiming to be someone's friend then talking badly about them makes him look like a dick. He is saying more about himself than he is about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 people are quick to believe the worse in others then to take the time to learn the truth. Most concrete thinking ppl do have a challenge in dealing with abstract thinkers. I tend to avoid conversations with abstract thinkers unless we are talking art or design work, otherwise its difficult to get a solid direct answer. learned thru a communications course on the art of listening, that listening is rarely done in the younger groups... sad that they aren't aware of echoing and validating .... Link to post Share on other sites
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