As you've grown older has it become easier or harder to make close friends?

[AVarma]

I say this as somebody who is 28, has just moved to a new city two months ago, and is having trouble making new friends. Has it become harder or easier for you to make friends as you've grown older?

 

Honestly even as a young kid I never had too many friends. I was bullied at school and abused at home and developed self-esteem problems. My parents were new to America and religious and often didn't like me associating too much with Americans anyway. Unfortunately this has always been a difficult area for me.

 

How have you made or tried to make friends as an adult?

Edited January 1, 2015 by AVarma

[d0nnivain]

It was harder to make good friends as an adult but I have done it. When you are young your friends tend to come from a pool of people you are forced to spend time with -- your classmates & neighbors.

 

 

Now you have to seek people out & carve out time to spend together. That takes more of an effort because you have less free time.

 

 

Organizations help bridge that gap. I made a few good adult friends through work. I made some by sharing summer beach houses with them. I met others through organizations where we worked together for a common goal. I did make one good adult friend more causally through my neighborhood. We both had Dalmatians & would chat when we bumped into each other while walking the dogs.

[Art_Critic]

harder.. in my 20's it was easier, partying, boating, camping all made it easier.. as we get older many of our friends move on with their lives and we become distant..

 

30's and early 40's was more losing friends due to life..

 

late 40's and early 50's.. I have made more friends.. maybe 10-12 in the last few years due to having a child, cub scouts alone I have made a few..

 

my wife and child seem to be the people who I spend the most time with, I do things with friends today but more on the line of having them do stuff with our kids.. ie: for the last 4 years we go Monster Jam and take a friend and their Father...

[preraph]

I've found it almost impossible to make friends now that I'm older and especially now that I'm fat. I wasn't a social butterfly at all when in school, but had a small close circle of friends. I was also bullied. I had a wider circle of friends in my early 20s because I was a hippie and hippies stuck together. Many of those fell away, but then I found my niche with music people when I started getting jobs doing anything associated with music, whether it be record retail or corporate buying or label work. So working in what you love is certainly a big boost to your social interactions.

 

Gay guys used to gravitate to me, partly because I was on their side and partly because I was kind of glammy. Lost all them in the 90s and they're not drawn to me anymore, I think because I'm fat, not glammy, which is sad. They just can't tell what I'm like by looking at me anymore, I think. Right around 50, I tried hard to make a couple of new running buddies at the dog park, but that didn't last. Because I don't have kids and am not particularly interested in them, I get shunned by most women my age because for many of them, that's all they really want to talk about -- kids and grandkids.

 

I have a younger friend and her mom is just a few years older than me and have known them both for decades. And her mom, now elderly, still has a fairly active circle of friends. She's an artist and does holistic massage. The group is unconventional, which I like . I have spent time with her and her closest friend a few times at my friend's home and sometimes think it might lead to another couple of people to hang with some, but seems like the mom's friend is sort of more fakey nice but there's something telling me she's actually dubious about me. I don't know if it's because I don't have kids or am friends with the daughter or what. But I'm the daughter's closest friend. Her mom has always been fine with it, for all these decades.

 

I'm unconventional in many ways, so it really narrows the field of people I'm interested in who would also like me. I think someone more conventional probably wouldn't have as much trouble making new friends owing to having more in common. The best way is always to stay involved in your passions and activities.

 

I made most of the friends I still have at work during the music years. Since I'm not in the field, I haven't made any real friends in the workplace that transitioned to friends outside the workplace, and very few who even pretend to be friends IN the workplace.

[darkmoon]

two months is not that long in a city, you could try meet-up, i have friends that i have cultivated, shared with, it takes time to go from acquaintance to friend

[AVarma]

Another part of the problem though is I sometimes feel a bit immature for my age. I mean the dating and relationship deficiencies you all know about but even basic socialization. I've only been to a few parties in my lifetime and haven't really hung out with people all that much either. I haven't had any close friends since elementary school and sometimes feel like I missed out on all my youth experiences.

[mammasita]

Definitely a little tougher as you get older, but finding things you enjoy and meeting people in those circles is helpful. I'm an introvert so I could care less if I'm with a group or not....but it is nice to have people to hang with every now and then.

[badpenny]

The older I get, the less I care about having to try too hard. I let others take any initiative. If they want to be friends, that's great, I'm game. If I get nothing coming in, well, so what?

Really, I'd rather have 2 to 4 really good solid friendships, than a wide circle of acquaintances who rely on fair-weather to enjoy my company....

[Tayla]

oddly, easier. good sense of people and values seem to help. Some friends i have are so uniquely different in some ways, yet that is what i like! they carry lifestyles that are challenging and keep them thrieving. Perhaps as one gets wiser, we stop allowing the material get to the top and be better then the jones, to regulate our lives , and we GET what is important. and its not things... its moments shared...

[Timshel]

Harder for me, I am 46 and have found this time to be the hardest ever. The reasons why are pretty clear though. Everyone I know in my age range is married with children and in the prime of their careers. My female friends seem standoffish to have me around their men. This is a new situation I am adapting to since it's the first time I am single.

I don't think it bothers me as much as it would some because I consider myself a friendly introvert. I always loved to throw dinner parties with my husband. Cooking, good food and interesting conversations in an intimate setting is so enjoyable to me. Wine, can't forget the wine and beer pairings, yum.

 

Have you considered asking a few work acquaintances to dinner either with their SO or single? You could invite them to a restaurant meet up or say invite them over and everyone get in on food prep with a bottle or two of wine. Two months is a relatively short time but people also don't know that you're interested?

If you can, let them know by taking an initiative with something you enjoy doing.

[anika99]

Definitely harder as I've gotten older. I'm a natural introvert but in my teens and twenties new friendships were always easier to come by. I think it's just that young people put a higher priority on their social lives then older adults do. Like I notice the young people where I work are always making plans with each other to go out together after work, but the older adults don't do that. The older ones want to get home to make dinner, do some chores, tend to family, or just to get some rest and relaxation. Making new friends comes easily and naturally to young people but when you get older it starts to feel like work.