amkxoxo Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 So every year I throw a holiday party. I did one every year in college and this is the first year that I am not throwing one. It broke my heart, but I just moved into a new place with a guy friend of mine and I am trying to get settled. I always would throw fun Christmas parties and have tons of food. When I turned 21 I have more drinks and drinking games and my friends always loved to come. I was known as the party person to always have birthdays and holidays at my place. I would invite friends of mine only and once in a while a friend would bring a boyfriend or girlfriend or one friend. My apartment now is small and dingy and I live with a guy so its not super girly. For now its cheap and easy for my roommate David and I. And I was planning on throwing a party in maybe a few months. In the last few months my best friend (Kelley) introduced me to two guy friends of hers named Dan and Ryan. They are fun and we go out every so often in a little group. They are best friends, really nice guys, we always have fun. I have only gone out with them about 3 times but I feel like its been a lot more. Well recently Dan mentioned how he wanted to throw a party at his apartment for the New Year Celebration, but his apartment is kind of far away and out of the way for people, including me and my best girlfriend Kelley. The two guys have been now trying to convince me to have the party at my apartment. I want to and I want it to be fun. I have thrown some awesome parties in the past and I am quite picky about how I do them. I always want my apartment to be clean and have food and drinks and games. David, my roommate and I have had fun with just a small group of friends, drinks, and games. The key word being small group of friends. The issue is that Dan and Ryan want to invite 15 friends of there's to my place for the New Years party. I am skeptical of having all people I do not know. Its just not my style. I wasn't raised to ask to bring a bunch of friends to someone else's apartment either. Dan has the apartment that is really far away and Ryan lives with his parents so they are trying to figure out where to have it and they like my place for it. I keep telling them that "I don't know and I want to have my friends for a party", and they keep saying "Well yeah you would invite your friends too". Kelley keeps assuring me she knows all of these people and they are nice, but since there will be drinks and stuff the two guys also expect some of their friends to sleep over my apartment. I am just so skeptical of this. I don't want them to think that I am a party pooper by not allowing it. I wouldn't even mind if I just invited a huge group of my friends, and not there's, but I don't want to hurt their feelings. I want the two guys to like me. I have been thinking about this a lot. I want to be cool and maybe the party with all the people, my friends and there's, would be super fun. I may regret not having a bunch of people because sometimes that makes it more fun. But what if some people drink and get sick, or ruined stuff in our apartment or something of my roommate's? I don't know them and I am just so skeptical of all of this. Is it rude to have a party and tell them I am only inviting my own friends, and them? I like both the guys and I am starting to trust them. But guy are so casual and I am more uptight as a person. I feel like I would be worried the whole night that their friends won't like my apartment or if one of their friend swipes something from my room. I probably won't want to drink a lot because I will want to be alert, aware, and hosting. Where I trust my friends to not do that. I am also afraid if I have one with only my friends and invite them, they won't come and I like them and want us to become better friends and don't want them to feel like they don't want to come here because their friends aren't allowed. Kelley also assured me that they wouldn't be mad if I didn't allow it and that they are easy going. I don't know what to do. Help!!!
La Trese Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I wouldn't let 15 random people come over. Wtf someone might steal, they might wreck your stuff. People will puke in your bathroom. Its okay if friends bring a friend of theirs. But not 15 people :0 6
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 No you should not at least not like that. I was going to say if a friend is bringing a new BF/GF that would be OK. If you just moved in & thought to invite the next door neighbors again, worth the risk. 15 people you don't know when you are serving as host because somebody else's place is too small. . . . not a great idea. 2
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 The two guys have been now trying to convince me to have the party at my apartment. The thing is, it's not your party. It's their party but being hosted at your house. If you decide to do that, then they have the right to invite people you don't know. If you feel that uncomfortable having people you don't know in your house, then don't have the party. Instead, call around and have it at bar or a restaurant that can hold a lot of people. 1
Author amkxoxo Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Like I wouldn't mind having a party. But I want to have my friends and the two guys only. But if I say I am having a party for just my friends, they are going to ask if they can invite their friends and I feel so bad saying no. Like I feel super mean, but it isn't my issue that they don't have a place to have a party with their friends. I am always fine with people bringing a friends maybe even two, but not 15. I am fine with someone bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend, but again they had like a list of friends they wanted to ask. And they are asking some of their friends and then they can bring their girlfriends or boyfriends. 1
SpiralOut Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Don't worry about whether you look mean or not. If they have 15 friends to invite, then surely they can ask those other 15 friends if one of them could host it instead. It doesn't make sense for you to be the only person able to do it. Just say that they can't hold the party at your place because you don't feel comfortable doing that. You like to keep things small and personal. 1
CC12 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Why would you feel bad or mean by saying no? They are asking you for a favor - a huge, pain-in-the-ass favor - and you should never feel bad for saying no to something like this. Having this party would be a huge burden on you. You could have people steal or destroy your property, they might be loud and disturb your neighbors, and they might trash your apartment. You can tell them that you would have a party at your house, but that you can only invite a total of five people, or something. They're free to accept or decline. Nothing mean about this. If they've got their hearts set on spending the holiday with their 15 friends, you can offer to help them find another place to have the party, like a bar or restaurant, as someone else mentioned. 2
todreaminblue Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 these sort of parties balloon into a whole load of people you dont know.....drunk people at the end of the night.....it isnt pretty...my daughter threw a party.......i dont drink so there wasnt alcohol at my place.....they bought it......and the small party she said it was going to be turned into a massive gathering as they call it.....i called the cops to my own house......i couldnt control anyone....it was rather scary actually.......bumping into a drunk guy in the hallway after going to the toilet.... i didnt know at all...... it will never ever happen again at my place.......my daughters phone got stolen......who knows what else..... my suggestion is a flat out no dont allow it.......invite your close friends have a blast .....if a friendship is lost with these new guys they are not the type of friends you want to keep anyway.....deb 1
dispatch3d Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I'd just throw the party. 15 people is a very low number, you shouldn't be dealing with completely drunken idiots, and if someone gets too drunk you can spot it very easy. Mind you I'm kinda the guy that loves parties, and I am very comfortable around people I don't know (could be any number honestly). So yeah, for me this is just a no brainer party on situation.
dispatch3d Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Always fwiw its highly unlikely it balloons to even 30 people. If they invite 15 I'd bet 5-7 show up which is more of a get together.
mrs rubble Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Why can't it happen at Kelley's place? Or one of the 15 friend's place's? I'd tell them you won't be having people you don't know around out of respect for your roomate, after you've partied with them elsewhere then maybe you'd be cool with it for next time. 2
Standard-Fare Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 The way you write about this, it's plain to see you're just not comfortable with the scenario, you don't want to do it... so you shouldn't. Don't force it. Personally I think parties with lots of random people can be a lot of fun (and usually more fun than small gatherings of friends who already know each other)... but I also wouldn't want to HOST one. Some people have a constitution for that kind of things, and others don't. You don't. Just tell these guys that you think 15 is too many for your apartment to handle, you're still getting settled there, you're not sure your roommate wants it, etc. Then brainstorm alternate scenarios with them. Maybe someone else in your mutual social scene will be willing to host. Or maybe you all could gather at a bar or another type of New Year's event that isn't at someone's home.
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