Someone becoming too much

[K0690]

Need help and advice...this is pretty big sorry!

I have a great group of friends, all mid 20s and there is 4 girls and 5 guys in our group and have known each other for years. We are always there for each other, we always meet up no less than about twice a week for catch ups.

One of the guys lets call him Brian, has a new girlfriend. So we were all pretty eager to meet her.

A few weekends ago we all went for drinks got to meet his new girlfriend let's call Lesley.

So a week went by and she added me on Facebook and started to message me which I thought was really nice. After a few messages she asked to meet in town the next day for a coffee.

Next again day I went and met with her we had a good chat but some things she would be really forward about myself and all my friends personal lives... Things we would never really repeat out the group. So I would just smile and change subject as i found it awkward letting someone I barely know know about these things.

After a few hours I mentioned I had to go for the bus as I was meeting everyone else at night. She then randomly invited herself to come to my house with me. Which I found a bit strange as she lives an hour away in the opposite direction. But she was adamant that it was fine.

I made her a coffee, as we were talking she mentioned she felt sick as she hadn't ate. So i ended up cooking her dinner feeling sorry for her.

As time went on I was trying to watch my time to meet everyone. So I ended up saying to her I will just drive her home....

In the car we were just chatting about each other's plans for the weekend. I mentioned that I couldn't be bothered really drinking this weekend as I had a lot on so I didn't want a hangover. As I said that my phone started to ring which was one of the girls. Lesley decided to answer, and she said on the phone she can't be bothered drinking she won't be out to meet you guys tonight...... To which I then shouted in the background I will be there I will phone you shortly. ( we do meet in the pub on a Friday but we don't always drink, which Lesley knows ).

As I dropped Lesley off she asked to meet next again weekend to which i didn't see a problem. She added straight after "great I will just stay over at your house bye " i was a bit shocked after meeting her twice she has invited herself to spend the night.

I went and met everyone but as I walked in I received a text saying she enjoyed her day. But I got caught up chatting I didn't reply nor look at my phone, till an hour later I had another 4 texts from her asking if Brian would cheat on her ? Asking what's we are all doing and chatting about.

In the morning I woke up to a good morning babe text from Lesley. But I had such a busy morning I didn't really use my phone. Again a few hours later 4 missed calls. Lesley. And two messages asking what I was up to? I messaged her apologising letting her know I have been busy.

At night I decided to put my feet up with a glass of wine. Text message from Lesley. Saying "is my best friend busy I need to call you". I didn't reply straight away as I wasn't sure how to really reply. But my phone started ringing anyway. I answered and was really she just wanted a chat. After half an hour she asked if she could call me back which I said was okay. I came off the phone and seen a text two of the guys was coming along with food and a visit. My phone rang. Lesley. I spoke for 5 minutes and apologised I had to go as I had guests.

Within 2 minutes a text asking why can't I speak am I too busy for her. Too which I replied I didn't want to be rude.

I didn't look at my phone all night till they left and I went to bed with 3 missed calls, Lesley.

I woke up next morning another 4 missed calls. I text her asking if she was okay. Lesley replied asking why did they come and visit?

As I didn't reply her text straight away she starting writing me Facebook messages as I didn't reply to the text. I had another busy day cleaning and visiting family. I had text after text and face book message after Facebook message all day asking where I was, what I was doing, who was I with.

Later I was heading to go and babysit my nephews. As I walked in the door my phone rings, Lesley. She mentions she has been looking at holidays for us to go to. I was pretty much shocked, I gave a nervous laugh and said to her I was saving and wouldn't be able to afford it. But she kept on saying about reasonable prices. I had to end up letting her know I had 4 kids jumping about arguing I had to go.

After feeding bathing dressing story time I was knackered I lay on the couch looked at my phone to a text asking to meet me through the week because she wants to see her best friend for a girly chat. I which replied to her I had work so I wouldn't make it.

I had one of the girls phoning upset so I invited her around for a chat and we were up till 2 in the morning. So I knew I was going to be so tired at work.

Next at work I went to go and reach for my computer glasses and seen I had 5 missed calls from Lesley. And a few texts. One asking to meet me before work then another where was I. And another saying please sweetie. I quickly replied stating I started at 730 every morning. She replied straight away asking the time I finished. I ended up just saying late and I am very tired.

I quickly put my phone on flight mode went to my settings and blocked her messaging or Facebook. I just don't know how to block calls. So I've kept my phone on flight mode but with the wifi on so I can still keep in touch with everyone else but just via messaging.

I now feel pretty bad and also not sure what to say to Brian he says he loves her but I can't be around when she is because I am actually pretty creeped out now.

What do I do ? Am I looking too much into this or is this all a bit strange.

[preraph]

You need to immediately sit down with Brian in private and just tell him everything she's doing. Apparently he likes her sneaky pushiness, but anyone who acts like this is trouble. She'll run off any girls you like and friends too if she feels like it. He needs to know you agreed to see her one time for coffee thinking it was nice she wanted to know Brian's friends, but now you realize she's pushing as hard as she can to be with you. Good luck.

[K0690]

Sorry I forgot to add I am one of the girls.... Also Brian knows we met up.

[preraph]

She's way too pushy and she's got that creepy invasive thing going. But glad to hear at least you're not a guy friend of his. I bet he gets tired of her soon. So you're just going to have to say no and not reply to texts. Just refuse to engage with her. Pass on some get-togethers even with the bigger group for long enough for her to get fixated on someone else OR for someone else to go to Brian and tell him what a wingnut she is. Just tell her you're too busy and say it once and then don't reply to her. Don't worry about being rude. She's the one who's rude. No matter what she whines to Brian, you can just say you're super busy right now and if he presses, tell him she's too invasive and doesn't respect your privacy and answered your phone and stuff.

[noski]

This sounds a bit pushy.I don't know maybe she needs to feel closer to you to be part of the circle(since his boyfriend is part of it too),or she doesn't have any friend for girl talk .It seems invasive for this short amount of time but I think If you start feeling the pressure(looks like you do),you should dial it down,make her understand I guess.

 

I'm not sure whether talking to Brian is the best idea or not.You might create tension between them two and I wouldn't go there but try resolving with her since when you hung out Brian wasn't there.

 

You can distance yourself a bit without being rude;She'll get the message I hope.

[K0690]

Thanks guys

I took my phone off flight mode after work to see several texts, Facebook messages and missed calls.

Myself and three others were speaking. 2 of the guys have been getting texts every second day. One of the girls mentioned because I didn't get back intouch Lesley messaged her asking where I was, then carried on hounding her to meet up. Saying "I love you". Then asked her for some money, and has only met her the once.

We discussed this as its really socially unacceptable to act like this. Especially within days. As its just mostly myself and another girl getting badly hassled.

So one of the guys ended up going to speak to speak to Brian in the nicest possible way that his girlfriend is becoming too much to handle and pestering basically 24/7.

Brian has apologised to us and is going to speak with her. Little did we know she is actually like this aswel to him, he actually turns his phone off some days. Now worried this isn't even healthy for him.

So I can see this is going be eventful. But thanks for the advice.

[preraph]

Well, good, I'm glad everyone else got irritated and talked to Brian so you didn't have to be the bad guy. She sounds like a mess.