I don't miss my ex, but I miss our friends

[Kid_Charlemange]

My ex cheated on me last year. We have a ton of mutual friends, and that's how we met.

 

As with everyone, the story is complicated, but the bottom line is, she cheated on me. One ONS with a stranger half her age.

 

I rather expected our mutual friends to take a dim view, but that didn't happen. In fact, *I've* lost the friends. Some of the closer ones said things like, "Well, she was out of your league anyway." But mostly it was "I really don't want to get involved or take sides."

 

My position at the time was, if you don't choose, you have chosen. But I let all that go pretty quickly. I've actually tried more than once to be civil with my ex, but she is insanely passive-aggressive. Has me blocked on FB, for instance, as do some of her closest GFs. So I often don't know about group events or who is going to be there.

 

It's frustrating. I didn't do anything wrong, but because it's awkward among the group, I'm the one excluded.

 

I know what the answer is: Get new friends. And I suppose that is what I'll have to do. It's just difficult to let go, and I feel like it's so bloody unfair.

 

This is just a rant. There's nothing that can be done to fix this. Yesterday, a bunch of the group did a charity event, and even though my ex has me blocked, other friends posted all kinds of pics on FB. It really looked like a fun time... This shouldn't bother me, but it does: I've known most of these people for ten years.

 

End of rant.

[carhill]

Pretty normal, IME..... marrieds have 'couple friends' and that often changes after D. What I found odd about our D is I remained relatively close to my exW's best friend (female) and some of their interactions, mainly over this person's alcoholism, caused a falling out between the female friends. Sadly, the person died earlier this year and I still think of her and feel for her son.

 

The rest of the gang were 'couple friends' but I still had my circle of male friends who continued on regardless of our M or D and they've been great.

 

One thing I don't do is participate in social media. Perhaps taking a respite from that could help during this transitional period. Sort of an NC period.

 

One lesson I learned from marriage was the true value of male friends, so I guess I can thank my exW for that, and for bringing a lady into my life as a friend whom I wouldn't have known otherwise, even though she's now gone. To me, these aspects of living, and the memories they create are part of what makes life so valuable. When it's over, that's it. Enjoy the now. Good luck!

[preraph]

It's an unfortunate and hurtful complication following a divorce that any of her friends you've grown to like along the way will usually leave you behind. Same thing happened to a friend of mine, who'd known these same friends for years, and in fact one of them was her friend originally, not his, but because she got sober and was now the nonslacker, she was the one all the friends left behind rather than give up their party buddy, the husband. It's so wrong.

 

On the matter of her blocking you from FB, there are so many reasons why someone probably should do that after a breakup and they range from practical reasons to trying to move on and not wanting to see what the ex is doing because that would be hurtful, so try to regard that as a blessing rather than a curse. After a bad breakup, there's just no healthy reason to want to see the ex's daily movements.

[Sugarkane]

The same situation brought me to this site. I wasn't the cheater, but everyone still took my exes side. I had really bad depression after the breakup. I don't get it, yet I was never a sheep like most people. I got some really nasty comments for asking about this, but I think it's valid.

[Sugarkane]

I've wanted toake new friends but I'm sick of the backstabbing and fairweather people.