Do you think we will ever speak again?

[shawnawanna]

My ex and I, Steve were together for four years from late 07 to 2011. We were both very young with me being only 17 when we started dating and him being 19 going on 20. Things progressed quickly and we moved in together with him living at my house for the next four years. He was my best friend, and we cared deeply about each other. I found out later on that in the first couple months of us dating he had slept with an older woman aged 49. Mind you he was only 19 at the time. I was extremely hurt about this despite the fact that it occurred before we very serious. Anyway, with resentment building over time I too eventually slept with someone who is now my current partner of four years. We amicably split with me explaining that I just couldn't cope with what he had done.

 

I will admit that I don't know that I ever fully got over him and we kept in constant contact never going more than a week without speaking for 3 years after we broke up. Sometimes we would go out for coffee and just hang out. I never cheated on my current partner, even given the opportunity one night when Steve wanted me to stay over. Emotionally, I am aware I was being unfaithful with emotional cheating towards my current boyfriend. I look back and realize this may have been a huge mistake, not only with the emotional cheating but it may have let Steve get over me without having to deal with an immediate loss. A situation where he still had me without having me type of thing. Gradual letting go. He had his various girlfriends which never seemed to last more than six months, and we remained close with an unspoken understanding that we missed each other and didn't want to completely let go. He told me that if ever had a girlfriend, they would absolutely have to be OK with our friendship.

 

Flash forward to mid 2013 and he started seeing an ex from his younger days who he had previously dated for a year. We talked as they grew close, but she became threatened (rightfully so, I'll admit. I'm an ex, right?) when she moved in to his house and had more freedom to tell him what she was uncomfortable with. They passed the six month mark, which was new and signaled to me they were becoming serious as most of his (many) rebounds maxed out by six to eight months. I believe she had him delete his Facebook, and now monitors his messages so any convo I had with him then suddenly became quite short and bordering on rude. I understand this from her end. She has every right to feel this way. Anyway, I really miss him. I would be comfortable and okay if we could just have a friendship but it seems like he's closed himself off completely, even to his close friends who I've spoken with. I know this is a situation where I have to accept that after so many years, he's finally found someone he cares about and is comfortable with and I'm happy for him but I also am sad as I thought he would always be a part of my life in some capacity.

 

My question to anyone who has been in similar situations and had an extremely deep connection with someone you cared about: Will I ever hear from him again in this lifetime with her breathing down his neck? How long did it take for you to reconcile as friends, if ever? I know no one can give me a definite, and it's quite possible they'll have kids and live happily ever after with her foreboding him to ever speak to me again but I still would like to hear similar stories of those who have gone through this.

 

I will add that I'm extremely happy with my partner, and am satisfied in every way yet I still miss the friendship I had with my ex. Besides the obvious (moving on and letting this go, which I'm trying to do) what do you guys think? Has he completely forgotten me? We were extremely close for so long. I know everyone says that, but we truly did care about each other in a way that filled others with envy. Makes me wonder how that just goes away.

 

Give it to me straight. I would like to hear everybody's opinion, even if it's not what I'd like to hear (no, you'll probably never talk again)

 

Thanks. Double thanks if you read this entire thing

Edited June 18, 2014 by shawnawanna
needed to correct a typo.

[SoleMate]

Hard to say whether or not you'll ever speak to Steve again.

 

But it's easy to see that continued "friendship" (i.e. love/sex affair on back burner at low simmer, aka EA) with Steve is not compatible with either of you having a happy and lasting r/s with a 3rd party. Steve may have realized this and decided to fully move on and commit elsewhere. Yes, immediate NC way back when may possibly have resulted in a different/better outcome. Water under the bridge now.

[jbelle6]

I agree with sole mate. I think you know you have feelings for this man that are beyond friendship. That isn't to say that you don't love your current partner, but I can see why your exes new woman is on alert about you two.

 

Part of it could be on him too, sometimes when people find someone new they distance themselves.

 

I guess everything depends on how long they stay together.

Sorry about the situation though, I know it sucks.