Friend says I'm not caring? Rant sort of...

[sportygirl89]

I've been in nursing school this entire year and anyone who knows what it entails knows it requires a lot of time. I did have a falling out with our best friend (not that I wanted it, and I've told my friend that that I never wanted to stop being friends with her). I also worked on the weekends so didn't have much free time at all.

 

I got sick in the fall and was grieving from an unexpected break up from my first love. She constantly throws at my face I wasn't caring. I was sorting out my own issues and dealing stuff she was never there for nor would understand (since she's still with her first real love).

 

I don't want to lose this girl as a friend, but don't need her as a hassle either.

 

She never would answer me at all when my ex best friend (her best friend) would come in town.

 

I never get any invites from this girl. I always seem I have to do the asking.

 

I always make sure to go out of the way with my friends and do everything that I can for them.

 

We had a blow up a couple days after her graduation party. She told me she was having high school friends and family invited (I knew I clearly wasn't invited).

 

I told her after seeing her with what would have been our old trio that it hurt my feelings I wasn't invited. Clearly our friendship of the last few years means nothing to her.

 

She told me I needed to ask more about her life. I have at this point asked about school, future plans, boyfriend, and vacation. She told me it made me seem more interested in her boyfriend (he's not attractive to me, nor am I interested in him). They will be moving in together in the fall so I'll need to know at least something of him so if I were to go visit it wouldn't be totally awkward.

 

She told me we would have to put a lot of work into it. But at this point with how not there she's been for me this entire year I'm kind of over it already. Just waiting to watch this friend ship die or see if she puts in any effort to it equally.

[preraph]

Her saying you need to ask more about her life is her trying to make you feel like you should blame yourself. The truth is, from what you've said about how it's been with her and being excluded some, she has no intention of letting you all the way into her life and inner circle. She isn't that fond of you. She is trying to avoid an awkward situation by telling you, "Oh, well, it's your own fault for not asking ME enough questions." She doesn't mean that. If you did that, she'd probably just push you away. You're trying too hard and she picked up on the desperation. You should walk away from this so-called friend.

[sportygirl89]

Her saying you need to ask more about her life is her trying to make you feel like you should blame yourself. The truth is, from what you've said about how it's been with her and being excluded some, she has no intention of letting you all the way into her life and inner circle. She isn't that fond of you. She is trying to avoid an awkward situation by telling you, "Oh, well, it's your own fault for not asking ME enough questions." She doesn't mean that. If you did that, she'd probably just push you away. You're trying too hard and she picked up on the desperation. You should walk away from this so-called friend.

 

 

She invited me to go hang out one day this week on Sunday. I actually ignored her for a bit. Then she contacted me again today. Maybe I just need to ignore her some to see what her intentions are?

[preraph]

Turning the tables is often the only thing that does work on inattentive friends and boyfriends. But you have to be sure that's not a control thing, you know, them only wanting to be with you on their terms at their preferred time.

[jonsnuh]

I have to agree with preraph. It sounds like she's trying to be passive aggressive.

 

Unless she means a lot to you to know that she isn't really the abusive type, I caution at being close with her. Nursing school and any professional degree is demanding, and change happens.

 

A good friend would never (if not rarely) make you feel bad or point out that you're doing a bad job as a friend.

[Tayla]

I respectfully disagree with the former comments. When a friend directly conveys a shortcoming in a relationship then step it up a bit. Friends need to feel comfortable in expressing the needs or such. The door swings both ways.

The cat and mouse game is childish. It diverts the real issue of direct communication. If actions speak louder then words, then show in a genuinely way how caring you really can be. Avoidance is rarely caring. I hope you"ll stop to objectively consider both sides before tossing away a friendship.

[sportygirl89]

I respectfully disagree with the former comments. When a friend directly conveys a shortcoming in a relationship then step it up a bit. Friends need to feel comfortable in expressing the needs or such. The door swings both ways.

The cat and mouse game is childish. It diverts the real issue of direct communication. If actions speak louder then words, then show in a genuinely way how caring you really can be. Avoidance is rarely caring. I hope you"ll stop to objectively consider both sides before tossing away a friendship.

 

I've tried everything. Inviting out to a girls night for happy hour, walking outside, and movie nights. The only thing she seems interested in is walking. We are supposed to go walking tomorrow. Any tips for it to not be so awkward after this fight?

 

I've bent over backwards to include this girl in. She never has done the same for me except when I was considered a best friend to her and this other girl (my ex best friend now).

 

She never wants to do anything out in public. I've even offered to have her come over and watch movies at my place. I've invited her to free classes at crossfit.

Edited May 25, 2014 by sportygirl89

[Sugarkane]

Sounds like you've defiantly more than gave her a chance. I'd be much more empathetic studying something full on such as nursing.

I've tried everything. Inviting out to a girls night for happy hour, walking outside, and movie nights. The only thing she seems interested in is walking. We are supposed to go walking tomorrow. Any tips for it to not be so awkward after this fight?

 

I've bent over backwards to include this girl in. She never has done the same for me except when I was considered a best friend to her and this other girl (my ex best friend now).

 

She never wants to do anything out in public. I've even offered to have her come over and watch movies at my place. I've invited her to free classes at crossfit.

[sportygirl89]

Sounds like you've defiantly more than gave her a chance. I'd be much more empathetic studying something full on such as nursing.

 

Funny thing is she used to be a nursing student. So the word hypocrite comes across my mind.

 

I don't know if its just females in general that do this or what. But many of my other female friends are at their point in life having to recreate group of friends (I'm in my mid 20s). It's like I haven't had the same best friend for a while which is depressing.

[SpiralOut]

 

I've bent over backwards to include this girl in. She never has done the same for me except when I was considered a best friend to her and this other girl (my ex best friend now).

 

 

For whatever reason, she has chosen to stay friends with this other girl but not with you. Sharing the same best friend was what kept you together. Perhaps she's ignoring you out of loyalty to the other girl. Or, maybe she feels she has nothing in common with you anymore. Either way, she's not worth dealing with.

[sportygirl89]

For whatever reason, she has chosen to stay friends with this other girl but not with you. Sharing the same best friend was what kept you together. Perhaps she's ignoring you out of loyalty to the other girl. Or, maybe she feels she has nothing in common with you anymore. Either way, she's not worth dealing with.

 

 

She is moving out of town in late July. I expect it to fizzle out when that happens. I just deserve better friends. I've even resorted to joining a Bible study, since I have like 2 friends here.