Friendship in general

[AnneT1985]

Hi y'all!

 

 

I hope this post makes sense. I am at an interesting point in my life where I now know who I am a bit more and have some self esteem- which I did not always have. As a result, I have attracted some very unhealthy relationships, including friendships, that I am now in the process of sorting out. An analogy would be that I kind of feel like I am going through my fridge separating the bad produce from the good and healthy. I did not grow up learning what this looks like and I am only now trying to figure it out and what it all looks like and what appropriate boundaries for myself look like.

 

 

I know we all have faults and flaws but....

I guess a good start would be what are absolute deal breakers for you when it comes to friendship?

Are there any major "red flags" for you before a deal breaker?

 

 

I hope this makes sense! Any thoughts, insights or direction would be most appreciated.

Thanks so much y'all! I wanted to say too how truly awesome and supportive I find this forum xx

[preraph]

For me, dealbreakers to friendship would be some basic stuff. One big one, since friendship requires getting together and making plans together, is that the friend is willing to go do things together, just me and the friend. A friendship can't survive without one-on-one time.

 

Reliability would be high up there. If we make plans for Friday after next, a friend needs to arrange her schedule and be there and not put me in line behind everyone else and take me for granted. She doesn't need to cancel because someone else wants her to do something, and that includes family. It's not respectful.

 

Two friends should be able to communicate well, and it not be a one-sided communication except maybe in times of crisis.

 

A friend should be someone you could call if you felt like jumping off a building and they would take charge temporarily of everything driving you crazy long enough for you to metaphorically get down off the ledge. You should feel you could count on them in a crisis.

 

And right up near the top is loyalty. A friend shouldn't steal your boyfriends or your female friends or apply for a job you just told her you were excited about applying for.

 

Friends shouldn't use you for their convenience, i.e., they're only friends because you have a car and you can get them to give you rides; or you can talk them into babysitting when you know they don't really want to; nor should they ask you to babysit them while they're stuck at home for whatever reason; or they only show interest when they want something.

 

Friends shouldn't bring bad people into your world. I've had that happen because they're more tolerant or stupid and naive or whatever.

 

Friends should be fun and caring.

[Tayla]

What may work for one friend may not for another, so the best I can share is...learn to be a good judge of character. Yes I said "Judge", that word that gets tossed around for someone "judging" another. Yet I assure you, without it, we'd be lost. Its having a sense of trusting the person, accepting them , and having common ground in some areas of life. May you just know, that sometimes in cleaning out the refridge, even a mushroom may be a fungus, yet its not something to be tossed out...think about it. My three deal breakers are simple: Dishonesty, Disloyalty and Disrespect.

[AnneT1985]

Thanks y'all!!

[ja123]

Hi OP,

 

 

This is an article I found recently, so perhaps it will help:

 

 

Are your friends really there for you? | Psychology Today

 

 

You're asking some great questions!

[AnneT1985]

Great! Thank you so much! xx