Tressugar Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I'm dealing with someone who has an emotional disorder. What is the best way to leave a toxic friendship altogether? Preferably without the other party's feelings getting hurt. I keep leaving this friendship to only get sucked back into the toxicity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 I'm leaning toward sending a text message to avoid her from begging, pleading, guilting and crying for me to be her friend. In the few times before I had ignored her and she never took the hint. She resorted to emailing me instead. Why do I only attract the crazy people? Am I the only person in the world experiences this? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I'm leaning toward sending a text message to avoid her from begging, pleading, guilting and crying for me to be her friend. In the few times before I had ignored her and she never took the hint. She resorted to emailing me instead. Why do I only attract the crazy people? Am I the only person in the world experiences this? Is it crazy she wants to be your friend is the question I have to ask? Never be unkind is my suggestion to someone who reaches out a hand of friendship What to say I don't know what to say I have never turned away a person who wanted me to be their friend only once recently and I am goign to rectify that, maybe someone else can help you....best wishes....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Sorry I'm on a roll... You know how most friendships eventually die of a slow death because of one reason or another? And the once friends move on in life...well not with this person she will not let me GO! I avoided her for three years and she NEVER went away. I'm thinking about avoiding her to see if she "gets" it this time, if not, then I have no other choice but to send her a 'good riddance' text message. I can't take the negativity anymore. Life's already stressful enough. Whew! Thank you for letting me vent! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Ahh Deb, I can count on you to respond-thanks! It's crazy for me to be friends with someone so negative. She ripped me a new one because my belief system is different from hers. My philosophy in life is to allow others to be who they are and not try to change or convert them in anyway to fit my expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Ahh Deb, I can count on you to respond-thanks! It's crazy for me to be friends with someone so negative. She ripped me a new one because my belief system is different from hers. My philosophy in life is to allow others to be who they are and not try to change or convert them in anyway to fit my expectations. The reason why i responded is because i feel a lot of guilt for ending a friendship even though i didnt ridicule at the end even said it wasnt all bad(to make him feel better hopefully) which he agreed he kissed my cheek as he left....when i read your post the guilt hit..thats why i suggested to not be unkind because i myself felt bad reading your post..i have been also on the receiving end of rejection of friendship and it is hurtful no matter if she ripped you a new one you dont have to be mean when she tries to be your friend again...no matter if you think she is crazy or not......i am glad that you stand strong with your beliefs and not wanting to change people is the right way to be...its a choice thats personal anyway...to change....I hope that you find the most compassionate way to end the friendship........good luck.....deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 I understand the delicacy of this subject. This is why I reached out on LS. Thank you so much for your responses. Now I know that I'm not alone in this experience. I do agree with you in that I don't want to be mean. Even though she called me a heathen and an ungodly woman...among other hurtful things. I truly feel in my spirit that it's time to remove her from my life. I honestly feel she doesn't wish me well in life. I was reading an article about how to end a friendship on Oprah's website. The one line that jumped off the page was to let the person know, 'I can't be the friend you want me to be.' I'm thinking on using that and keeping it short and sweet. I do feel guilt and pain, but I know she is not an 'authentic' person. My family and friends think I'm even crazy for dealing with her. The last straw for me is when she told me that I look like my husband's psycho ex wife! I look nothing like this woman! She knows that! And she told me the only reason why my husband is with me is because I remind him of his ex wife! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Nobody in the world can convince me that a loving true friend would say that to anyone!! 'The show must go on...my audience awaits me.' ~X Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 This is a tough one. I've had to leave several friends behind over the years. I had a bad habit of being too trusting, too naïve, and was always the "rescuer" when it came to people who had a lot of drama or cyclical self-made crises. Two I can recall ended up harassing and stalking me for almost 2-3 years after I cut the friendships off. I contributed to the longevity of the situation by responding, so my advice to you would be that no matter how difficult, you just have to stop responding to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I agree you should end it. And you've tried. She's messed up to keep sucking you back in. Please don't give her an opening. Tell her once in writing you're going to move on and don't want any more contact with her, just like you'd do a guy who wouldn't take no for an answer. Wish her well, but be firm that she needs to respect your wishes. Give her that one chance to not contact you, but when she does (and she will and probably with a diatribe), block her on every front, change your phone number if you have to, and let all mutual friends or any family she knows how to contact they are not to give her your info. She needs a therapist, not a friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I understand the delicacy of this subject. This is why I reached out on LS. Thank you so much for your responses. Now I know that I'm not alone in this experience. I do agree with you in that I don't want to be mean. Even though she called me a heathen and an ungodly woman...among other hurtful things. I truly feel in my spirit that it's time to remove her from my life. I honestly feel she doesn't wish me well in life. I was reading an article about how to end a friendship on Oprah's website. The one line that jumped off the page was to let the person know, 'I can't be the friend you want me to be.' I'm thinking on using that and keeping it short and sweet. I do feel guilt and pain, but I know she is not an 'authentic' person. My family and friends think I'm even crazy for dealing with her. The last straw for me is when she told me that I look like my husband's psycho ex wife! I look nothing like this woman! She knows that! And she told me the only reason why my husband is with me is because I remind him of his ex wife! sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing you have to do.Easy is to let it slide its called avoidance and i often avoid ....I know I did the right thing ending the friendship,and what really sucks is it probably doesn't matter to him one way or the other if I am his friend or not, and I am left with guilt and a feeling of being a really heartless person,actually cut deep to let him go,when i did it didnt even feel like it was me who did it but i was there I know i am not heartless......i am sorry that you got called ungodly and a heathen,I truly do wish you well and hope that its quick and clean and as painless as it can be, not only for her, but you as well...hugs....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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