Olive branch- stirring or mending?

[ArdentlyLoved]

I'm not sure where to put this as it covers a few categories but here is probably best.

 

3 years back my best guy friend and his gf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up. A few months later me and the guy friend realised we liked each other, it seemed too soon after his break up so we kept it casual for about 6 months before we became official.

 

Sometime later I found out his ex had posted on a forum (not this one) and that she'd said A LOT about me from around the time we were casual, she didn't know we were seeing each other but some stuff was nasty, saying I was a 'slag' and a 'tramp' and that I fancied the pants off her ex but he 'would never go there' She also said she thought I was probably telling him horrible things about her (not true). This all happened to coincide with my being asked to write an article for a school newspaper, and she posted a blog that I disagreed with so I ended up writing an article on the other side of her argument, partly fuelled by annoyance at her. I never intended for her to read it and never mentioned her or her blog, but anyone that read both would know they were related. Unfortunately she did read it.

 

Since then she and my bf haven't spoken and I feel to blame. A lot of time has passed and I don't hold any ill will towards her now. But I feel anxious when I think of her and what she must think of me.

 

Yesterday my bf, two of his friends and I went out for a meal to celebrate my bf's birthday and while there she came in, I didn't see her, one of the guys mentioned after that they'd seen her but she must have seen us and chose not to say hi or wish him a happy birthday. I know it might have been awkward anyway but they actually had an amicable breakup so I feel like it was probably because I was there.

 

I want to send her a small message to make peace. I feel like it might stop me feeling so anxious but I'm worried I'm just going to be stirring up old stuff. On the otherhand I want her to feel she can wish happy birthday to someone she was with for 3yrs.

 

Any advice?

 

tl,dr; make peace with bf's ex, yay or nay?

[headinthecloud]

I would leave this alone, it's none of your business.

 

You and your bf obviously had chemistry for many years and she (his ex) sensed it during their relationship which is probably why she became insecure. You feel guilty because a part of you knows this is true. Don't be a drama queen, leave her alone.

 

Also we don't know what he told his ex about you during their relationship which may have caused her to speculate. Either way, it's over. If he wants to reconcile with his ex that's his business, not yours. Stay out of it for the sake of your future with him.

[CC12]

Was your boyfriend sad or bothered that she didn't say hello to him? If he wasn't, then I think you should let it go.

 

If he did express some sadness over it or wants to be on speaking terms with her, then you should let your boyfriend know that you support it. Then stay out of it. That is all you need to do. Don't contact her or write her any letters, because that definitely will stir up old drama over school papers and teenaged blogs. Nobody needs that in their lives. You've all grown up and have hopefully moved past that petty stuff.