Crappy cakes

[genesis.elle]

My friend is a "pastry chef" except not really. She's technically qualified as one, but I've seen her cakes and tasted her baking and... it's not good.

 

I've never said anything to her face, and I have always found a complimentary thing or two to say about her cakes when she drags me into the dining room when I go to visit and force me to look at the cakes she's made. She actually owns a little from-home business and, for some reason, actually has clients. Her fondant work is mediocre (it's always sloppy, uneven, cracked, not attached smoothly, characters are wonky and not to scale, spacing is bad, writing is sloppy, very amateur-ish), her cakes are dry and not very tasty, and I'm not interested whatsoever in eating her creations.

 

The thing is, she CONSTANTLY brags to anyone who will listen. She forced me (twice) into joining her Facebook group for her cakes, kind of squeezes compliments out of me, and I'm getting married next year and I JUST KNOW she is going to try to make my wedding cake in lieu of a present. I went to a wedding where she make the cake, and it was not good. At all.

 

I don't know how to avoid this. As a person, she generally annoys me at least once a week (don't ask) and I have a GOOD baker who is self-taught and 10 times better than my friend lined up to make my cake, but I know that "Sorry, but I have Susie making my cake" isn't going to cut it. She's going to pop a gasket over why I got Susie to make it when I knew she's a top-notch pastry chef with her own cake business and why don't I like her cakes etc., etc.,

 

I don't want to lose a friend nor do I have any desire to outright insult her baking... any sneaky ideas or lies I could tell??

[Arabella]

Funny that you act like some sort of connoisseur but you didn't mention your credentials.... Did it occur to you that perhaps her cakes aren't as bad as you think, and you simply have different tastes?

 

Anyway, I recommend honesty... just tell her that Susie offered first, and you had already accepted when she offered. If that fails, tell her you simply like Susie's cakes best.

 

If she's your friend, she will understand.

[genesis.elle]

Funny that you act like some sort of connoisseur but you didn't mention your credentials.... Did it occur to you that perhaps her cakes aren't as bad as you think, and you simply have different tastes?

 

Look, the fact of the matter is that her cakes aren't any good. I have anonymously and discreetly sought many other people's opinions on her cakes' appearance, finesse, taste, texture, moisture, flavour profiles, etc., (besides the fact that, yes, I can tell a good cake from a crappy one). I'm not going to PROVE to you that her cakes don't stack up. They don't. If you're paying $80 for a cake, it had better be a damn sight better than that.

 

However, you are right about "if she's my friend she'll understand" bc probably she will freak out.

[CC12]

You could say say to your friend, "Thanks so much for your generous offer, but I want you to be able to enjoy the wedding without having to stress or worry about getting the cake done." Or, yeah, like the previous poster said: "Susie offered first and I already accepted."

 

If she absolutely insists, or if it looks like she's going to have a meltdown over it, maybe you can ask her to make some cupcakes or something for the bridal shower, bachelorette party, weekend brunch, or whatever pre- or post-wedding event where no one will give any ****s about cake. You can request something simple - no fondant or fancy lettering or sculpting. Also maybe you can find an interesting recipe (like, I don't know, a Guinness chocolate cupcake or grasshopper cake - something unusual that she won't already have her "own" recipe for) and say, "I've heard this recipe is to die for, and I've been really curious about trying it. Could you make this?" If what she makes sucks, well, you made your friend feel valued, and maybe that's more important.

[Arabella]

As a hobby baker, I can tell you that much of making baked goods isn't about having a good recipe, is about know-how. Every oven is different, every person's technique is different, and many factors can impact the final product that most people wouldn't even realize at all...

 

I like the idea the previous poster suggested of having her make something simple for one of the events leading up to the wedding. Ask her to make something that even she can't mess up, like some iced cupcakes, or a sheet cake.

 

Make sure she knows exactly what you'd like, and how you'd like them. For example, if you find her cakes tend to be somewhat dry, say that you'd like your cupcakes extra moist, and suggest she add a little more oil or butter than she normally would, and bake them slightly less. Have her make you a test batch to see how they turn out.

 

She is your friend, right? Give her a chance to surprise you and participate in your big celebration, even if her baked goods aren't as good as your other friend's... you can surely find a way to let her contribute, no? Friendship goes both ways!

[genesis.elle]

You're pretty mean about your friends cakes.

 

I'd just like to clarify that I'm being blunt and honest about how I feel to a forum of strangers, not intending to be mean, and like I say I have never and don't intend on saying that to her face. THAT would be mean. For clarity's sake I wrote that post saying how I really feel, anonymously, about her cakes.

 

I think maybe what gets me is that she thinks she's god's gift to buttercream and goes ON and ON about how FABULOUS she is when she is really just mediocre. Maybe it's just the constant fishing for compliments and patting herself on the back that is actually rattling me. When people are good at something, I'd rather it be ME telling them how great they are rather than them pointing it out all the time.

 

Frankly, the more I've been thinking about this whole thing, the more I've been considering backing right off from my friendship with her. I find that I more "deal" with her than have a good friendship. She routinely annoys me and makes me want to say something rude or bitchy, which is not something I'd like to do.

 

Her cakes ARE poor but maybe I haven't been really looking at the underlying problem which is that I think she really drives me crazy and it's compounded by the fact that she is practically begging for people to stroke her ego.

 

Also, thanks for the "white lie" type ideas and sidetracking... that could work...

[todreaminblue]

Look, the fact of the matter is that her cakes aren't any good. I have anonymously and discreetly sought many other people's opinions on her cakes' appearance, finesse, taste, texture, moisture, flavour profiles, etc., (besides the fact that, yes, I can tell a good cake from a crappy one). I'm not going to PROVE to you that her cakes don't stack up. They don't. If you're paying $80 for a cake, it had better be a damn sight better than that.

 

However, you are right about "if she's my friend she'll understand" bc probably she will freak out.

 

 

that makes me a little sad to think of a friend going behind some ones back to verify that friends cakes are bad...that you did it anonymously and discreetly doesnt explain to me why you would want to know everyone elses negative thoughts.....and have collected bad opinions

 

 

if it were my friend i would be supportive and encourage her to maybe go to some events or cake decorating classes together .instead of stealthing negativity....stealth help always never sabotage....and here it comes a typical deb comment...

 

 

i would let her make my cake and love it anyway...dont care if its mishappen...i could pretend its like one of those dr suess cakes and say how brilliantly it was exactly what i wanted.......in fact i would tell her i want a dr suess one that leans to the side do your absolute best.....i do actually want a cake thinking of it now, that leans on its side to be truthful.....like the leaning tower of pisa.....with funny little flowers that look like something out of a willy wonka factory so dr suess cross willy wonka wedding cake extraordinary built from pure imagination...starts singing....to me friendship is worth more than frosting on a cake

 

sigh ok thats me....

 

 

now....i do understand how you feel and i think as the other poster said you should be honest say susie offered and i accepted because i know how busy you are i thought susie might have more time than you...good luck with your wedding and congratulations i wish you well with a bright future devoid of leaning cakes...;0)...save that one for me when i get married next millenioum..lol.........deb

Edited September 6, 2013 by todreaminblue

[genesis.elle]

that makes me a little sad to think of a friend going behind some ones back to verify that friends cakes are bad...that you did it anonymously and discreetly doesnt explain to me why you would want to know everyone elses negative thoughts.....and have collected bad opinions

 

 

if it were my friend i would be supportive and encourage her to maybe go to some events or cake decorating classes together .instead of stealthing negativity....stealth help always never sabotage....and here it comes a typical deb comment...

 

 

i would let her make my cake and love it anyway...dont care if its mishappen...i could pretend its like one of those dr suess cakes and say how brilliantly it was exactly what i wanted.......in fact i would tell her i want a dr suess one that leans to the side do your absolute best.....i do actually want a cake thinking of it now, that leans on its side to be truthful.....like the leaning tower of pisa.....with funny little flowers that look like something out of a willy wonka factory so dr suess cross willy wonka wedding cake extraordinary built from pure imagination...starts singing....to me friendship is worth more than frosting on a cake

 

sigh ok thats me....

 

 

now....i do understand how you feel and i think as the other poster said you should be honest say susie offered and i accepted because i know how busy you are i thought susie might have more time than you...good luck with your wedding and congratulations i wish you well with a bright future devoid of leaning cakes...;0)...save that one for me when i get married next millenioum..lol.........deb

 

Some of your comments make think you don't understand what I'm saying.

 

1. I cannot offer to "help" her... she thinks she is the world's best cake maker. Honestly, she is very full of herself and thinks her skills are unsurpassed. If I were to offer to take her to any sort of cake-improvement function, it would insult her and make her angry as she went to college for pastry and thinks she knows it all.

 

2. I don't see why I should have to have a lopsided, sh*tty, unpleasant wedding cake because one of my friends is delusional about her talents. I guess I'm realistic about my own talents and am able to logically see where I stack up compared to the rest of society.

 

3. I didn't "stealth negativity" -- as an earlier poster said, what makes me a cake expert and what makes me think that my opinion about her cakes is accurate? I'm not perfect and as much as I know a good-tasting cake when I eat one, I wanted to make sure I wasn't being completely fussy and ridiculous about the aesthetic part of the cakes, so I showed photos to other professionals and amateurs alike and asked them what they thought, and the responses were unanimous. What's wrong with that? If they had all told me the cakes were fine, I would have questioned why I was being so picky.

 

I have never known a bride to purposely self-sabotage her wedding by letting all her friends, relatives and their children just have at it in whatever way they think is best just because they want to. Um, no. I'm not even close to a bridezilla but I'm a bit of a foodie and people know it, and to have a half-assed cake would be both an embarrassment and a culinary let-down. We're not talking about baking me a birthday cake or something.

 

In a post where I am clearly trying to spare someone's feelings, I don't know why some of you are hell-bent on calling me a bad friend or a mean person or whatever. I have a right to my opinion, and in this case my opinion is accurate and relevant to the situation. There IS a way to measure a "bad cake" or "bad cooking", and hers unfortunately doesn't meet the criteria of being "good". If you all want to hate on me for being realistic, then go right ahead.

[todreaminblue]

I said i did understand why you feel the way you do i also said that i couldnt do what you did to a friend and i fully understand that you dont see a problem with doing what you did....that is normal to you....it is not normal to me.....but then i am schizo ....and i value friendship over a cake.......thats how i am....i am not you...simple......

 

you are very defensive, normally when someone is defensive they dont feel comfortable with what they have done

 

i also notice that you didnt say thankyou when i wished you congrats and a bright future ahead for you and yoru marriage.......instead you decided to be just negative...cool for you....i would say thank you .......

 

i also think you may be under stress maybe worried about the wedding and i do understand that you want to have the best day possible....that it is a special day for you and you just want everything to be perfect.....

 

 

when i get married (chokes)......my wedding day will be about the people close to me who are there, and the only thing i will be focused on will be my partner and spending the rest of my life with him the rest for me would probably be a blur to me, because i would be very happy, even if all the guests were wearing bright purple and yellow boots i wouldnt care honestly......maybe thats why i havent been married yet.....no one wants to be a part of wedding with a willy wonka/dr suess cake and wear bright purple..;0)...good luck to you.....i hope you get what you desire in cake.....and a lifetime with the person you love remember that when you stress out....its just one day.....you have the rest of your life together........deb