I don't know how to keep friends

[Fightsforlove]

I'm an introvert, so I'm known as someone who is shy and listens to other people talk a lot. Because I'm an introvert, I tend to attract friends who are very outgoing and have a lot to say and I do enjoy listening to them and their company.

 

The problem is, I've never had a friendship where I could be honest with someone. Usually, I get mad at them over something eventually and the resentment keeps building and building because I never confront them and then eventually I resent them so much that I stop speaking to them. All my friendships end this way.

 

I know some of it is because I never speak up for myself, but it's more than that. It's also about the type of people I make friends with.

 

I recently decided to tell one of my friends that I hated the way she made fun of my job all the time. I said to her very calmly that I didn't like her making fun of my job. I got out that one sentence only before she was screaming at me about how she had horrible problems in life (all of which I spent weeks consoling her about and listening to) and because of it, I had no right to ever tell her I was upset about anything she's done ever because her life is too hard to deal with anything I have to say right now. I calmly apologized to her (she didn't apologize for yelling at me) and have hardly spoken to her since because she didn't care what I had to say and I resent her too much for it now.

 

You'd think this was a one time thing, but it happens to me all the time because, like I said, I'm so shy, so the people who befriend me always have big personalities and strong wills.

 

I want to make friends that won't do this to me, but I don't know how. And I don't know how to defend myself once I do.

 

How can I make a friendship where we can mutually discuss things that upset us without people screaming?

 

I know I need to change my patterns for how I make friends, so what do I do to fix this?

[darkmoon]

if you want to discuss a wrong, well, don't, just mention it the first time somebody upsets you, just mention, not discuss, that they are not right and change the subject, no build-up of anger then

 

shyness makes you your own worst enemy, only you can stop your shyness, for new friends try meet-up groups, very good, develop some social skills, ffs, copy extroverts, get the hang of it

 

everybody is jittery in new company, trying to be pleasant, hoping to be liked, jittery in case they put their foot in it, c'mon, you're not unique

Edited August 30, 2013 by darkmoon

[love1336x]

I am introvert as well. I do feel your pain. I let things bottled up until there no breaking point, however unlike you being calm and nice... I blow the hell up.

Recently, I invited my friend to a FREE concert. She was being a complete itch about it.

 

She was telling me how concerts suck! I dunno why I even bothered asking her... and for the next time if i am going to make plans that she not be the last resort because my other friend canceled on me.

 

WHICH wasn't TRUE AT ALL. So, I completely utterly flipped on her.

 

I have other friends who like to play with hands like shove me, push me, pinch me. AGAIN I had to tell them, "I dunno why you are TOUCHING me for, BUT I HAD ENOUGH. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF."

 

Sometimes people try to see what they can get away with, and keep pushing until they see the person crack. There nothing wrong with you. It's the people you chose to be friends with.

 

I know I have REAL friends who wouldn't dare touch me, or insult me for trying to invite them somewhere.

 

Sometimes not about how many friends you have, all you really need is that one friend to be loyal and do stuff with you.

 

Also trying to stop the B.S that people try to give you because you are shy.

 

It's tough, but sometimes you gotta force yourself out of it.