tegteg Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 Hey all... Well what do you think bout friends asking your ex's out that your still friends with??? Good? Bad? I dont care to much really... But except with one of em the one i posted bout in Friends and Lovers Forum.... Cause it happend..... Im kinda pissed but yet im not.... Hmmm??? Anyone got Opinons on this? TIA DG Link to post Share on other sites
pitprincess Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 I really don't think I would like it but If they are an ex then there is really nothing that can be done about it. I would just hate to think one of my friends would do that to me. Link to post Share on other sites
shy&lonlygrl22 Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 WELL, I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION, EVERY SITUATION VARIES. BUT, I CAN HONESTLY SAY, IF THERE ARE SO MANY FISH IN THE SEA, WHY DOES EVERYONE FEEL THEY NEED TO STAY IN THE SAME POND? IT WONT WORK OUT, AND IT WILL CAUSE ALOT OF UNECCESARY DRAMA, AND IF THAT OTHER PERSON KNOWS THAT HE/SHE IS ON OF HIS/HER FRIENDS X'S, THEY SHOUD USE COMMON SENSE UNTIL THE SITUATION BETWEEN THE X'S IS COMPLETLY FINISHED, THERE IS NO POINT, THERE ARE TO MANY THINGS OUT THERE TO CONCENTRATE ON BESISDES TAKING SLOPPY SECONDS. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 If it's that ex, you'd better make your move fast! Link to post Share on other sites
PlentyLV007 Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 NO way!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all if your friends have any respect for you....they wouldn't go there....that's a person that you've been with...it's like your all going to have sex....Personally if you were my friend and your ex was into me....I wouldn't do it. I've been there before and I love my best-friend I wouldn't want her to do that to me. That is how I look at it....Don't do what you don't want done to you. If it bothers you tell your friend it bothers you. If they still proceed then maybe they aren't really your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 28, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 28, 2004 My feeling on this is simple: It is entirely possible that a friend might find the perfect match in your ex. Would you deny a great friend the possibility of finding true love? No? Well, who knows, perhaps it would be with your ex that s/he might be the happiest that s/he has been in his/her life. Let's all be reasonable about things. We can't eliminate entire sections of potential partners, based on the fact that we have a certain "friendship circles," which could potentially be quite large in some cases. We need to all be more open minded and mature. Just because one person (one friend) may not have been compatible with his/her ex, does not mean that the other friend in the "friendship relationship" might not be perfect for him/her. Free your minds. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 Originally posted by tegteg Hey all... Well what do you think bout friends asking your ex's out that your still friends with??? Good? Bad? Generally a bad idea. I think it would depend on how much time has passed since the relationship was over. For me, I can name a few girls that I would not mind any of my friends dating, but those relationships were over one, two, or more years ago. I think it all depends on the individual situation. I do know, however, that if a long time has not passed it is usually a very bad idea to do this. The entire "going out with my friend's ex" thing almost always causes huge problems, loss of friendships, and just generally icky things. I think that in almost every case, however, I would go with: Bad idea. If I was thinking of it, I would have a long conversation with that friend of mine. I dont care to much really... But except with one of em the one i posted bout in Friends and Lovers Forum.... Cause it happend..... Im kinda pissed but yet im not.... Hmmm??? Anyone got Opinons on this? Well, you do care, and understandably so. I would care as well, unless a long enough time has passed. I can name quite a few girls I would not mind any of my friends dating or getting involved with, but those relationships were over one or more years ago. I suppose it all depends on how you feel about it personally. I suppose you should tell your friend how you feel about things. If you think it is going to cause enough problems to ruin the friendship, then it might not be so wrong to ask that friend what he values more—this girl, or you. Just remember: he does still have every right to choose the girl over you. Link to post Share on other sites
nikkilove Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 well.........an ex is an ex..........so fair game for all..........while we may prefer the ex goes out with someone we don't know........we have no right or business to tell our friends to stay away from them.......after all, we don't own them..........friends or exes........sometimes things happen, and it's better to just go with the flow. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 What about flirting with your friends Ex that she still has feelings for? About 2 years ago one of my friends had her boyfriend and her Ex plus a couple of friends stay over her house. Her Ex started making moves on me and flirting with me. I couldn't help but flirt back. Even right in front of her and her boyfriend at the time. Will never do that again. Thought he was cute. Asked me out a couple of times that morning but I said no. Even tried to kiss me but I backed away because my friend told me not to give into his moves. Which I didn't. Because I knew that he had a dark side and put her through all this crap when they were together. We aren't really that close anymore for other reasons. But till this day. She still holds this against me. In her head. From what my other friends tell me. Still I would never go out with any of my friends Ex's. Or even flirt with them anymore. It's not worth losing a friendship over. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 We aren't really that close anymore for other reasons. But till this day. She still holds this against me. In her head. From what my other friends tell me. It's complicated. First off, there is no rule on "friends and ex's". What it all boils down to is that a person must realize that the breakup and post breakup period involve many different kinds of thoughts and feelings, and that any attempt to go after a friend's ex may bring some of them to the surface. My own opinion on it is that it depends entirely upon the situation, and there are several factors that have to be weighed. First of all, stating the obvious here, I look at how important our friendship is to me. Someone with whom I'm just acquainted with or maybe met at a party here and there won't receive the same kind of respect as a good friend. If it's just a casual acquaintance of mine, it's my decision as to whether or not I want to continue knowing that I may risk alienating any future relationship with that person. If I was really attracted to the girl, I'd probably go for it and not give it a second thought. Of course, if it's a good friend and his long-time ex lover, that's entirely different. I would want to know what that ex lover meant to the person at the time, and what she means now. I have a good friend back home who fell madly in love with this woman, and they dated for about a year. Even now, some five years after the fact and into an engagement with a different woman, I can't see myself ever pursuing her if, hypothetically, it was up for consideration (which it isn't, btw). I realize what she meant to him. It took him a long time to get over her. I would feel the same if someone ever hooked up with my ex -- they'd be free to do it...I wouldn't stand in their way...I would wish them the best, but that might well be the end of our friendship. However, that same friend is now engaged to another one of my ex's, and I'm totally cool with it. My ex (his fiance) and I dated on and off again for the better part of two years, but it wasn't really that intense. We would sometimes go a couple of months without seeing each other. We had a brief period of intensity for about two months, but we were more or less just dating each other whenever we didn't have a date, and we pretty much knew it. He actually hooked up with her one night after I had already begun dating my ex fiance. He had the decency to approach me after their initial encounter, and he simply asked if it was okay. I told him it was. The rest is history. In response to your situation, I don't know what the exact circumstances are, so it's hard for me to say what I think is or isn't appropriate. It seems to me, though, that if your friend had such a hard time dealing with anyone getting close to her ex, she should have cut him out of the picture a long time ago. Or she shouldn't have invited him to a house with her single friends (i.e. you). My guess is that she's afraid of having her past relationship compared to that of a friend. She's afraid that you might do a better job and that this might make her feel a little inferior. I don't think those feelings are any different among men, though at the risk of making a sexist generalization, I think that men generally deal with it in a more straightforward manner. If we've got a problem with this picture, we'll say so. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 I think the guy just wanted to get her jealous or something. Don't know why she invited him back with everybody when she was with another guy in the first place. I didn't know the whole story myself with them two. Just that they only went out together for a couple of months. Now my friend doesn't even keep in contact with the guy anymore and the other guy that was her boyfriend is now her Ex. Dumped him for her ex boyfriend in jail. When he came out. He was in there for stealing. They are now back together and she has just had a baby to him. These situations that this girl gets herself into. She never learns. Guess she can't help it. She has never stopped loving the guy. The point is why still hold this against me? It's in the past. I know I've kind of done wrong. Even though it was just innocent flirting. I didn't give in since she asked. Glad I didnt't. She knows I have learnt my lesson. Never flirt with the Ex's. I've got a boyfriend now too. Total opposite to her current one. Thank god. Who I totally adore. . If it was me I would've gotten over it by now. It was a couple of years ago. Then again. Since I have known her. She always likes to make a small situation into a big one. It's just something I think about even though it doesn't get talked about anymore. This post just reminded me of that. My friends and I do have a pact too. Never go out with any of our Ex's. Link to post Share on other sites
twisted Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 DONT PLAYA HATE CONGRADULATE!!!!! hey he's fair game now hun. I wouldnt get all butt hurt about it, go get a better man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tegteg Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 WOW some really good advise! THANK YOU ALL Curly: Yes that one..... Check you PM..... Well i know him and know him well, the reason it was gettin to me is cause i knew exactly what would happen if he did... Which has not happend yet..... But hes the type that has the looks, money, cars, ETC but does not keep women around long (unless just for booty) and hurts them by pretty much kickin them to da curb... which is sad cause im just the oppisite, nice caring, funny, loving, romantic, ETC... ive talked to him bout it but he's just like i dont know i just cant hold back when another girl comes up to me and asks to hook up or i see one i wanna be with.... Guess the ol sayin is right, If you dont really want to change something you wont..... Sigh owell his loss on some really great women in the past...... Thank you again! :bow: DG Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Even if he's your friend, I don't think you can stop him from trying to be with her. In the end it her choice, you know? I also think it's a bad idea to feel threaterned by him. You have her trust, her friendship, I'm putting my money on you, teg! All you have to do is to play your cards right! What I'm trying to say is to use every ocasions you have to be near her, show her a good time and see how it goes from there. Do what comes naturally to you, she'll love it. I personally am not into guys that come straight for me, who're all about "conquering" the girl. I like to take my time before choosing. But that's me! You'll only have to make best use of the future chances you get, do you undestand what I mean? I believe he's no threat for the moment, but you never know. You could ask her innocently how she feels about this particular character... see her reaction. But only if you really want to know. I reckon she'll be flattered... You'll have to take it from there. Good luck, teg! Link to post Share on other sites
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