Like two ships lost at sea here...

[StuckInNeutral]

I have this "online" friend - yes, online, please do not judge - except that he is more than just a friend. I really like the guy a lot, and he seems to like me too, but distance and money prevents anything further from developing.

 

We chat almost every single day and my life has been better since he came into it almost a year ago. But the last few days have been really rough. I don't know what it is - we usually have really good amazing conversations but now it is like we are two ships lost at sea.

 

I know I take the blame for some of it. I purposely ignore him if I feel ignored by him first, almost like in retaliation. Immature? Yeah, probably, but I hate the feeling of being ignored! Like last night for example - we actually started off having this really good conversation just like old times and then all of a sudden he stops talking for a good 30-40 minutes after I ask him a simple question. Then he comes back with a response finally, but does not apologize or anything.

 

And that really bugs me to no end! So I started to distance myself from him to the point where we were not talking. This has happened repeatedly every single time lately. I just get the feeling that maybe he really doesn't want to talk to me but feels obligated to do so. Sort of like how we use to talk on the phone often but don't anymore either.

 

I think what REALLY is bothering me though, and why I am here, is that it doesn't seem to cross his mind to ever ask "Gee she sure has not been herself lately. Maybe I should ask her what is wrong!". I think deep down inside that I want him to ask that, to show that he cares because I care about him a lot and ask those questions of him. But it never happens and that is the most frustrating part. And I just get the feeling that he is either totally oblivious or it does not bother him as much as it bothers me... deep down I am afraid of losing him because everyone else that I meet, that I have allowed into my life, they have all left. It would kill me if he did as well.

 

Basically I feel stuck. I strongly feel that I need to address this with him somehow, but am really scared of his response. Plus I don't want to come across as being immature or clingy or anything like that. So I guess I need an "outsider's" opinion on this, good or bad. Just please be kind!