Being friendly?

[Sapphire580]

Hey guys, so I know this guy from my work that I met not too long ago. He quit his job but knows my boss so he visits every now and again. He's a pretty nice guy, great attitude and personality. He's been having a rough time, he has been evicted from his house and moved in with some people, his girlfriend recently broke up with him on his anniversary to get with another guy. So, me being friendly, told him he'll find someone because he has a great personality and any girl would be lucky to have him. Did I say something wrong? I have a boyfriend, he knows that. I talk about him a good enough to make him realize that I'm staying with my boyfriend, who I love very much. But this guy from work, not sure if he is trying to get at me or not - but goes out of his way to try to call me or text me (he doesn't have a cell phone, so he borrows someones) and when he does he says "hey, this sounds kind of weird but I was in a bad mood and I just needed to hear your voice. your laugh is soothing". Then he invited me to babysit his niece with him on V-day at his house, and he invited me to hang out tomorrow. I don't want to come off like I want him or anything, I just want to be supportive because he's been really depressed. So.. any help?

[Apolodor]

Do himself a favour and tell him immediately that you are not available emotionally. You already have a boyfriend. This guy most probably has a crush on you and in his imaginary world he already sees you as his saviour. The sooner you help him awaken the better would be for him.

 

Sometimes when people go through a difficult time and experience various problems they get this idea in their head that if they could have X or Y then all their problems would go away. Instead they should be focusing on sorting out their own stuff before even considering in getting in a relationship (source: my own experience).

[Amyben]

Helping out a friend when he is lost sounds greats and I think he needs help probably he’s feeling isolated but yet I think he has a crush on you and be careful about this because you already have a boy friend. It’s better to make him feel that you are only his friend and not more than that.

[todreaminblue]

Hey guys, so I know this guy from my work that I met not too long ago. He quit his job but knows my boss so he visits every now and again. He's a pretty nice guy, great attitude and personality. He's been having a rough time, he has been evicted from his house and moved in with some people, his girlfriend recently broke up with him on his anniversary to get with another guy. So, me being friendly, told him he'll find someone because he has a great personality and any girl would be lucky to have him. Did I say something wrong? I have a boyfriend, he knows that. I talk about him a good enough to make him realize that I'm staying with my boyfriend, who I love very much. But this guy from work, not sure if he is trying to get at me or not - but goes out of his way to try to call me or text me (he doesn't have a cell phone, so he borrows someones) and when he does he says "hey, this sounds kind of weird but I was in a bad mood and I just needed to hear your voice. your laugh is soothing". Then he invited me to babysit his niece with him on V-day at his house, and he invited me to hang out tomorrow. I don't want to come off like I want him or anything, I just want to be supportive because he's been really depressed. So.. any help?

 

 

its good to eb there for someone who needs help but ......always make it clear that is all it is, that he has to respect the fact that you have a boyfriend who you adore, and that you would like to be there for him, but if he thinks anything is going to happen it wont...make that crystal..you are not available he needs to have that firmly implanted.......then you also need to set boundaries on time he shouldnt encroach on your relationship with your boyfriend you need to devote the most time to your relationship to distill any resentment that your boyfriend might feel, if something does happen or he oversteps the mark, end the situation swiftly with no recourse......yes i have been in this position and have had to end a friendship because the guy in question started to say things about my boyfriend at th etime....watch for manipulation...do not feed him information on yrou relationship or issues you may have.your relationship is off the table .......you are merely support....if he wants that..and you want that, and your boyfriend is comfortable with it...deb

Edited February 20, 2013 by todreaminblue

[baRx]

the key here is: "you're a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you"

 

when guys who just got dumped hear that, especially the "any girl would be lucky to have you" part - that sends them a signal. i get you were trying to be friendly, but you need to pay attention to how you come across. sometimes, girls say that to guys they like hoping the guy will get the hint, since usually it's tough to just come right out and say "i like you!"

 

if i were you, explain to him that you have a boyfriend and you don't plan on ending things any time soon.