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ur dealbreakers for dropping a friend

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 2nd November 2012, 8:49 AM   #1
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ur dealbreakers for dropping a friend

i used to be more of a doormat, could be feeling unhappy, but believed that i must be loyal, now i can see trouble and drop them

a friend gossiping about others
means i'll likely be gossiped about too

a friend who shouts at me
they wouldn't shout at a boss, say, but happily yell at me

a control freak friend
i have my own ideas, don't need somebody telling me what

a friend who moans alot, whinges 24/7 but suddenly gets angry out of displaying sadness
if i say can't take being moaned at (by 2 different friends 1 year each)

what do others think?
do you drag out the problem they give you to be polite, only to finally see that the friend is obnoxious, after wasting time playing the stooge? i don't let it happen, not me anymore

Last edited by darkmoon; 2nd November 2012 at 8:52 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2012, 10:16 AM   #2
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My dealbreakers:

Lying to me, is unacceptable--lying ABOUT me is unforgivable.
Double standards
Betraying a confidence
Unequal airtime in a conversation on a regular basis (exceptions made if a friend is in a legitimate crisis--I'll listen & support, and not expect to talk about my own stuff)

Treating me differently one-on-one, than socially.
For example, being warm & fuzzy with me in private, then acting indifferent towards me in a crowd. (or vice versa)
When I see a consistent pattern of that, I start to doubt someone's sincerity.

Darkmoon---I just experienced a gut-wrenching betrayal by a friend, who I'd considered to be one of my nearest & dearest for over ten years. It was emotionally devastating for me. I'm still trying to get myself out of the deep blue funk that put me into.

It actually felt worse than having a man cheat on me--(which I've been through) The one person I expected to have my back, was actually maneuvering behind my back. And I was none the wiser for a long time.
And in the middle of that ---she was still calling me, and asking me for favors......

(we really need an exploding head emoticon, the angry face doesn't convey the amount of emotion I feel accurately...)

So after experiencing that-I decided to take inventory of my dealbreakers.
And hopefully, I'll be wiser in the future....
This has affected my capacity for trust hugely.
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Old 2nd November 2012, 10:31 AM   #3
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poor you, i think lately, you can socialize without telling the person your business as a bonding process, talk subjects instead, not people (including yourself)

Last edited by darkmoon; 2nd November 2012 at 10:44 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2012, 3:44 PM   #4
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I have learned the hard way.

My problem is that I help people too much and they take advantage of my kindness. I also used to share too many private things with others and then they either betrayed my confidence or judged me harshly for what they knew.

Now I am very careful about what others know about me. I am also careful about how much I help others. I won't have anyone in my life who loves to complain. I need positive people around me. People who create their own problems are out; I already have a best friend who makes very bad choices and we are too bonded to ever leave each other. She is more than enough.

I don't want to be friends with anyone who does hard drugs. (Occasional drinking and weed is fine. Being an alcoholic or cokehead is not.) Those who do not work, go to school or otherwise contribute to society are out. SAHM's are contributing but welfare moms who keep having kids disgust me.I don't mind friends who have children as long as the kids are well behaved and they can talk about something other than diaper genies.

I also do not want friends who have had easy lives because that means they don't understand very much about pain and it is hard for me to relate to people like that.
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Old 4th November 2012, 5:17 PM   #5
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- contradict themselves a lot (dishonest)
- asking intrusive questions for no apparant reason
- not acting happy for me when something good happens
- not supporting or at least accepting my goals/dreams/choices
- putting me down
- treating other people badly
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Old 4th November 2012, 5:38 PM   #6
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I've just gone through a breakup where my friend told my (now ex girlfriend) that he liked her and started making moves on her when her parents had just told her that they were getting divorced, so basically took advantage of her when she was upset. She told me about him making moves on her, he avoided me like the plague when I tried to get in touch with him to tell him to back off, and still chased after my girlfriend. My girlfriend then decided the grass was greener with him, started going out with him while she was still with me. Then broke up with me via email to tell me that her and him were going out, that was a month and a half ago. So from then I've had serious trust issues, however found my true friends as they came to my need when I needed them.

I'm quite lucky in the fact that when I meet someone, I seem to have this psychic ability to tell whether its a good idea and it never seems to be wrong except from when I met my ex, I got a really good feeling about her, funny my friend who ended up backstabbing me I had a bad feelings about him but was friends with him anyway as he became a good mate until he did what he did.

I don't give second chances either, if they cock up that's it they're out my life (sounds harsh but it works.)


- Two faced
- Lying behind my back
- Telling things to people I told them to keep between us
- Betraying me in some way
- Making me feel uneasy and unpredictable around them
- Carrying a lot of drama

Can't really think of the top of my head as the paragraphs above are really the only sort of dealbreakers I've ever had.
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Old 13th November 2012, 2:39 PM   #7
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I have broken off friendships for these reasons:

1) being condescending / snarky to me (and thinking I'll put up with it) - I won't.
2) Not answering phone calls or emails (and I know the friend is not mad at me or attempting to drop me as a friend; they're just thinking they can ignore me and get back to me later or when they feel like it). I'm annoyed by this.

Well, other reasons too, but those are some biggies.
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