aanderson088 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 My roommate is an arrogant, proud, self-centered and inconsiderate person. He gets defensive when I remind him of certain rules in the house and uses excuses that center around "Well, I didn't do it." Things like leaving the doors unlocked or opened (we have cats). Never does the dishes, or puts in for beer. Constantly argues and points out technicalities or rules in the DRINKING games that we play (petty, I know). I've lived in the house for 15 years and invited 3 friends to live with me. Two are great. Cooperative, compromising, considerate, understanding, patient. The other one thinks I assert ownership of the house (the other two do not), he doesn't apologize when he pisses any of us off with his constant arguments and defenses. He is almost never home and he doesn't put things away. He had a girl stay (NOT his girlfriend by the way) for 3 days, without asking any of us. She is also annoying like he is. They were almost feeding off of each other. Anyway, does anyone have advice on how I should address this? I cannot and I will not put up with it anymore. I don't like having my friends and guests be pissed off or annoyed because we can't play beer pong with out it turning in to a debate or yelling match. No kidding, it's almost every time. How do I bring it up? Do I just kick him out? I don't mind doing that actually. The three of us wouldn't have an issue doing it. I don't know if mere words will work on this guy. I figured I would try addressing it as a house-wide issue but it really is JUST him. I'm just sort of venting, but advice would be nice. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
BloomManifesto Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Hey, if you and the other two get along and this guy really is a jerk, team up. The three of you should sit down and talk to him together. It'll have more power if he realizes that everyone shares your concerns. If that doesn't work maybe you should consider having him find a new place to live. Home is supposed to be a place to relax, not a place to be annoyed. Strength in numbers. Best, Bloom 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DuckSoup Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 He had a girl stay (NOT his girlfriend by the way) for 3 days, without asking any of us. She is also annoying like he is. They were almost feeding off of each other. The heart of the matter. You're just jealous of your "arrogant" roommate because he actually managed to get some pussy and he had the nerve to do so without asking your permission. And it wasn't even his girlfriend!!! How dare he cheat on her under your roof. You have numerous complaints but you also stated that he is almost "never" home. As long as he's paying his share of the rent on time that's the ideal roommate--someone who is almost never around. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 My roommate is an arrogant, proud, self-centered and inconsiderate person. He gets defensive when I remind him of certain rules in the house and uses excuses that center around "Well, I didn't do it." Things like leaving the doors unlocked or opened (we have cats). Never does the dishes, or puts in for beer. Constantly argues and points out technicalities or rules in the DRINKING games that we play (petty, I know). I've lived in the house for 15 years and invited 3 friends to live with me. Two are great. Cooperative, compromising, considerate, understanding, patient. The other one thinks I assert ownership of the house (the other two do not), he doesn't apologize when he pisses any of us off with his constant arguments and defenses. He is almost never home and he doesn't put things away. He had a girl stay (NOT his girlfriend by the way) for 3 days, without asking any of us. She is also annoying like he is. They were almost feeding off of each other. Anyway, does anyone have advice on how I should address this? I cannot and I will not put up with it anymore. I don't like having my friends and guests be pissed off or annoyed because we can't play beer pong with out it turning in to a debate or yelling match. No kidding, it's almost every time. How do I bring it up? Do I just kick him out? I don't mind doing that actually. The three of us wouldn't have an issue doing it. I don't know if mere words will work on this guy. I figured I would try addressing it as a house-wide issue but it really is JUST him. I'm just sort of venting, but advice would be nice. Thanks. I think the best way to deal with people like that is to socially isolate them -- isolation's a subtle, but powerful (very powerful) tool in your kit. Dude can be your roommate as long as he pays rent, but that doesn't mean he has to be anything more than that. Cut him out of the picture for a while. Move the action somewhere else more often if you have to. If he asks, you can tell him bluntly. If he starts yelling then, well, just leave him alone. Let him yell at the walls. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Hey, if you and the other two get along and this guy really is a jerk, team up. The three of you should sit down and talk to him together. It'll have more power if he realizes that everyone shares your concerns. If that doesn't work maybe you should consider having him find a new place to live. Home is supposed to be a place to relax, not a place to be annoyed. Strength in numbers. Best, Bloom Yeah, you could try teaming up against him, but if his response is to yell at others, I'm guessing he feeds off of the attention he gets when people team up against him. He likes being the cowboy, maverick type who is constantly at war with the group. I have a better idea -- ignore the hell out of him. Cut him out of the picture. Move the party outside. Make sure he's not involved. Just isolate him. Make him realize he doesn't exist. He's dead to them - that kind of thing. If he asks questions, then, maybe, they can talk some sense into him, and if it bothers him that much that they're ignoring him and acting like he's an old food stain on the carpet and walking right over him, well, he can move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aanderson088 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 Fugu, I think you have some good ideas. But the whole thing about the getting pussy idea is not at all the concern. I have a girl friend and... that's just not a concern. The concern was this other girl's rude attitude and similar behaviors like my roommate's. We do all need to talk to him. I really am not worried about him having to move out. He doesn't have a job but has a "savings to sustain him for 2 years", and he turned down a job offer yesterday... I just need to talk to the other two guys and set a time where we all talk about these things. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Hey, if you and the other two get along and this guy really is a jerk, team up. The three of you should sit down and talk to him together. It'll have more power if he realizes that everyone shares your concerns. If that doesn't work maybe you should consider having him find a new place to live. Home is supposed to be a place to relax, not a place to be annoyed. Strength in numbers. Best, Bloom It is good to have house meetings when you are sharing......a roster could be worked out....as far strength in numbers go you have to do it where it isn't gang up one housemate but throw it to the floor and say we need to organize a roster system and have some guidelines for the house for this to work......if this fails.......it might be time for that housemate to find alternative accommodation...isolation doesn't work......you want to remain friends maybe if he finds other accommodation a friendship could be maintained.......good luck......deb Link to post Share on other sites
naplex Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Roommate issues..? My roommate and I disagree about how to clean the common areas of our apartment. She believes dirty dishes (MY dishes) can sit in the sink for days on end, that clothes can be piled on our couch, and that the bathroom does not need to be cleaned weekly. Beyond that, I found her boyfriends' used CONDOM on my makeup case in the bathroom. That was the final straw. I decided that for one week, she was in charge of ALL the cleaning, including my messes, and then we would have a chat about compromise. I don't know if this will teach her anything. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just move out? Or should I try to be agreeable and find a happy medium? Link to post Share on other sites
heather_1 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Sitting down with your other roommates and getting them to back you up on the issue will go a long way. There is safety in numbers and he cant be arrogant back to you or twist things if a few of you are saying it. Just ask him to be more considerate or else you cant go on living like this Link to post Share on other sites
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