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Why do I feel betrayed when I have no right to?

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Old 30th January 2004, 10:15 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 32
Why do I feel betrayed when I have no right to?

This story is so white trash-y, but anyway here goes...
About two years ago I once liked this guy. We did have sex but it was kind of obvious he didn't want me as a girlfriend, so we were basically sex buddies and I was okay with that. When my best friend came to visit me one weekend, she asked me if she could try to sleep with him too as a f***k buddy. I told her I didn't care, and she did sleep with him. I stopped hanging out with the guy.
I assumed they were "buddies," and eventually it tapered off.
About a month ago, two years later, she starts dropping little hints that they were actually boyfriend and girlfriend, but she says it in this weird way, like I already knew that they were more than "buddies." Like, "Oh, Mark and I did this, and Mark and I went here," and stuff like that until it finally hits me that they were a couple and hid it from me for a long time. The weird thing is that I just agreed with everything she said, acting like I knew they were going out the whole time too, until finally she just starts referring to him as her ex-boyfriend when we talk.
I get soooo angry when she talks about him and I want to tell her it pisses me off that she would be his girlfriend after I had liked him. But I act like I don't care and that it's funny that we both slept with him, even though I really feel disgusting for us doing that. I feel like she betrayed me somehow, which makes NO sense at all because I basically gave her the green light to come on to him. I feel bad because I was not good enough to be his girlfriend, but she was. She was prettier or more interesting or whatever. I feel stupid because they both hid this from me for a long time. I feel mad didn't have the guts to tell me what was up, instead I get these little hints years after the fact, and have to piece it together, and when I do, she just confirms it like "oh yeah, you knew all along." I'm mad at myself I just fell for that little trap.
The whole thing is just sick. I'm so different now, that was in my 20's and I really hate to write down that I shared a guy sexually. I am different and this should just be thrown away with the past. But everytime she mentions his name I get this horrible rage rising up in me and I want to confront her. Why am I so mad and why do I feel betrayed when everything was agreed upon?
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Old 30th January 2004, 10:25 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: California with an aching in my heart.
Posts: 6,735
White trashy lol, move on with your life.

That's really what it boils down to: You did something you ain't proud of, and the friend dun keep on remindin you 'bout it.

Tell her that unless you want your mutual relationship to suffer, you would prefer if she ceases all mentions of this guy in your company. Tell her you're not proud of what went on, and she's being a jerk if she continues to bring it up. It's possible that she feels guilty about taking your leftovers to begin with, and constantly bringing him up is her way of validating that her behavior was okay. Don't let it happen, so that you both can move on--if it continues to happen, then you can't move on, and at least you know to avoid this friend.
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Old 30th January 2004, 10:43 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Happy Valley
Posts: 52
Re: Why do I feel betrayed when I have no right to?

I feel bad because I was not good enough to be his girlfriend, but she was. She was prettier or more interesting or whatever.
Here's my 2 cents -

Maybe you should stop thinking that you weren't good enough. Just because you didn't hit it off the way you wanted doesn't mean she's prettier or smarter...

I think that they were being sneaky and they should of been up front with you. No matter if you ok'd the situation, you do have a right to honesty and they weren't being honest with you.

Tell your friend how you feel. If she is your friend she'll stop talking about him.

My goal in life is to be the person my dog thinks I am!
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