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may have lost my best friend

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Old 26th March 2012, 1:34 PM   #1
humanfly's Avatar
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may have lost my best friend

I'm a 22 year old male, and my best friend is a 27 year old female. We've been friends for about 3 1/2 years. We met while working in the same movie theater. She was a projectionist, so I would always just go upstairs and we would sit in the projection booth and have the most amazing conversations for hours. We started hanging out outside of work eventually as well. She would come over and we would get high and drunk and have more amazing talks about life. That's basically all we ever did, hehe. Admittedly, at first I was kind of in love with her. I had just never met anybody like her before. Not even close. But when I found out she had a serious boyfriend, and had for several years, I wasn't too broken up about it or anything. I really just valued our friendship, and I was totally fine with just having that. The problem started about 13 months ago, when I reconnected with an old flame from high school and we started dating seriously. She ended up moving in with me after several months and she also proposed to me. It was very hot and heavy with passion in the beginning, and it all happened rather quickly i see now. Of course, at the time I didn't think so. It all felt so natural, blah blah blah. My friend, even before meeting this girl, tried to warn me. She said she had a weird feeling about her, but of course I dismissed her warnings because I was a fool in love. I had always trusted her advice in the past because she's very smart and very intuitive, but my judgement was clouded with lust and new love. When my friend finally met her, she later came up to me and said straight out that this girl doesn't love me, respect me, or even like me, and that she was just using me. Guess what my reaction was? I look back on this now, and all of my friend's forewarnings and predictions turned out to be true. She used me for a place to stay, for money (she's been unemployed for some time now) and for psychological safety, because she can talk to me and i actually listen and understand. I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me now as well. She moved out recently and we hardly see each other now. I think I deeply hurt my friend because I chose my untrustworthy girlfriend's side over hers, and she has always been honest and loyal to me. And she's right. She has every reason to be angry with and disappointed in me. Now she wont return my calls or text messages. I can't stand the thought that I may have lost my closest and most important friend over some lying, manipulating floozy that isn't worthy of licking the dog **** off my best friend's boots. I'm such an idiot, and I just miss my friend so much. What should I do, leave her alone and wait till she comes around, if ever, or do I take the initiative and seek her out and talk to her? She's been ignoring my attempts at contact for 2 weeks now, so I'm not sure what her reaction would be if I were to just show up at her work. Thanks for reading, and sorry for the length.
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Old 26th March 2012, 4:52 PM   #2
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Tell your friend that you made a mistake in not trusting and believing in her concern and advice. With that said, you also didn't listen to ALL your friends who warned you, so it's not like you just ignored her warnings of red flags with your ex. Basically, you let your emotions and heart rule over your head, gut and what others warned you about.. Life goes on and your 'friend' has to check her ego and get over it. IF this 27 year old female friend of yours cannot forgive you for making a mistake - One that you had a right to make since the girl you used to be with came back into your life - And one that she really doesn't get a say in how you run your life..Then she isn't a true a friend of yours. Friends don't dump friends because they made a bad decision about taking a chance on a relationship.

Hope that makes sense to you.
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Old 26th March 2012, 8:28 PM   #3
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I'm sorry I know this must be painful for you, but I think you should give your friend some time. If she's a true friend everything will work out.
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
Lois is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th April 2012, 1:16 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Lois View Post
I'm sorry I know this must be painful for you, but I think you should give your friend some time. If she's a true friend everything will work out.
I think you are right..........
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