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Feelings but ..


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I have a friend. Male. We used to hang out as pals. I will never forget it because I've never felt that I could hang with a guy with no real intention of dating (although we met on a dating site.. I was looking for sport partners only and I couldn't believe he was willing to play sports with me several times, I was wondering why he didn't ask about coffee or anything and I didn't ask either cos of other reasons) Now we communicate online, we enjoy exchanging thoughts a lot.. So we do it a lot. Everyday he wants to know just about everything I've been up to. He makes me happy and I make him happy, generally. It's nice. We met a year ago almost, at the same time he met his current gf. Well, I don't know what they're up to cos he don't tell me much but they meet up regularly at least.

The problem is... he told me this

"What you must understand is that I feel strongly for you and I get very frustrated when you get angry and remove me. It's hard not to feel like you really do not care anything about what I think of it really. If so you should not do so, I base that on me not being able to do so. ... But I understand if you want to pull away sometimes."

At this very hour I know he's hanging out with his girl and I can't help but feel wtf. He knows I've had feelings for him, and I'm trying to forget about them so basically I don't use chat service as much as used to, and that's when he tells me this and that I make him happy and shouldn't kick him out of my life completely.

We have been talking about us liking eachother more or less, since before christmas.

He is constantly encouraging me to date others.. but whenver I try to chat, talk with someone else all I can think about is how much I would like to meet my friend..

 

I've battled with making decisions, I've really wanted to meet with him just to clear the air, and we made plans to but I can't do it.. It would be so awkward. "Hey I like you and you like me but you're seeing someone else so.. now what.. And hold on.. I may not like you as much as I thought. Sorry." :confused:

I know life is not so easy always but I don't see how one can continue seeing someone when they have feelings for someone else.. and it's been going on for some time.. And use it in trying to keep me in his life. Really.. I'm starting to feel I may be a fool.

I know I would've done very differently, I would feel too guilty and curious. I feel so used to this whole thing that it would blow me off my chair if he would do anything at all differently.

 

Yes, I know it's silly liking someone you only chat with. It's stupid, and it's not the first time this happen.

Is he saying things just cos I want to hear them perhaps?? If he meant it surely.. I would not be sitting here wondering what he and his girl is up to.. right

 

..help.

Edited by passions
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