DreamerGirl27 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Okay, I'm offended. The girl I consider my best friend, doesn't consider me her best friend. She thinks she has multiple best friends. First off, I think she may need a dictionary, because best is not plural. Just like you don't have more than one boyfriend, you don't have more than one best friend. This is a friend I flew across the country to visit and she has asked me to do it again and refuses to fly out here for me. I even asked my parents to take a road trip across country (which they would totally do) and bring her back with us, and she hesitated to do that. I have basically put my heart on the line for this girl and I get less in return. I'm so tired of doing that for people I care about. It's like I give all of myself and get less in return. My other friends aren't like that. They're all decent, good, Christian human beings who would never think of hurting me, who take other people's into consideration. But they aren't who I consider my best friend. I'm just glad the feeling is mutual. ::sarcasm:: Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 who take other people's feelings into consideration* Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) Okay, I'm offended. The girl I consider my best friend, doesn't consider me her best friend. She thinks she has multiple best friends. First off, I think she may need a dictionary, because best is not plural. Just like you don't have more than one boyfriend, you don't have more than one best friend. This is a friend I flew across the country to visit and she has asked me to do it again and refuses to fly out here for me. I even asked my parents to take a road trip across country (which they would totally do) and bring her back with us, and she hesitated to do that. I have basically put my heart on the line for this girl and I get less in return. I'm so tired of doing that for people I care about. It's like I give all of myself and get less in return. My other friends aren't like that. They're all decent, good, Christian human beings who would never think of hurting me, who take other people's into consideration. But they aren't who I consider my best friend. I'm just glad the feeling is mutual. ::sarcasm:: My daughter grew out of this kind of thinking somewhere between 12 and 14 years old - during her turbulent middle-school years. Along the way, I encouraged her to consider each of her friendships as unique in itself, to treasure each one for it's different gifts, and not to need to measure her various friendships against each other as if they are in competition for "best." This has also helped her not to look outside to her various friendships to validate her as an individual - not to measure herself and her success as an individual by whether she has the "best" best friend, or to be elbowing others in her peer group and fighting over something that doesn't need to be a scarce resource. Now by all means, if she doesn't reciprocate your efforts, and you're not getting what you need from the relationship, then consider that accordingly when you decide how much of yourself to invest, but it's so odd to me to get wrapped up in the "best" label, as if that is the flag that you have both sworn allegiance to.... Edited June 25, 2011 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 My daughter grew out of this kind of thinking somewhere between 12 and 14 years old - during her turbulent middle-school years. Along the way, I encouraged her to consider each of her friendships as unique in itself, to treasure each one for it's different gifts, and not to need to measure her various friendships against each other as if they are in competition for "best." This has also helped her not to look outside to her various friendships to validate her as an individual - not to measure herself and her success as an individual by whether she has the "best" best friend, or to be elbowing others in her peer group and fighting over something that doesn't need to be a scarce resource. Now by all means, if she doesn't reciprocate your efforts, and you're not getting what you need from the relationship, then consider that accordingly when you decide how much of yourself to invest, but it's so odd to me to get wrapped up in the "best" label, as if that is the flag that you have both sworn allegiance to.... My mom encourages the exact opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
limited_options Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 My daughter grew out of this kind of thinking somewhere between 12 and 14 years old - during her turbulent middle-school years. I wish my mom had been like you. I didn't "grow out of it" until my mid-20s. Dreamer Girl, you sound like how I was, and I finally dropped that friend. It's been over 10 years and I look back and wonder why I tried SO hard. Like you, I also had other good friends who constantly asked me why I cared so much and why I tried so hard when she doesn't reciprocate. I had no answer then and still don't. All I can say is, she isn't worth all that you've invested. I now have 3 best friends that I share everything with, none that I love/need with that same intensity as with my ex-best friend, and I think it's healthier that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Well, I'm definitely not gonna drop her, I think that would a extreme, we just have different views on what a "best" friend is. Link to post Share on other sites
Excalibur1814 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I'd like to say that your definition of 'Best friends' will change over the years. Changing jobs, moving homes, joining different groups or activities will bring forward a wealth of new and interesting people. Sure, we would all like our friends to treat us in a positive manner as we should also treat them but the world is full of different people with differing ideals and thoughts. If your friend has many 'best' friends then as she's your best friend then as that best friend maybe you can respect her opinion and thoughts on this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
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