I want friendship with lady to be a lot more, she wants to keep it just friends

[bestpartsof]

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I have a friendship with a girl that I've known for quite some time now.

I won't lie. Our friendship was the result of my attraction to her. Not expecting any sort of relationship ( I had a girlfriend at the time) we became friends. Time passed and I broke it off with the other girl. Time passed again and I started develop feelings for my friend.

 

We went out everywhere together. I payed for almost everything we did. She seemed interested but never mentioned anything no matter how hard I tried to bring it up. I cared about her deeply, my eyes were only on her.

 

No matter how many guys she dated or what she said I swore she had feelings for me. She would invite me over to her house, we'd talk, sleep, she'd make me meals and I even developed friendships with her parents. It wasn't normal! None of her other guy friends did what I did.

 

Sooner or later It was inevitable, I fell for her. I was totally in love. Like a dumb@$!. I stood there while she dated all these guys that treated her like trash after a month or two.

 

What the hell was I thinking? you ask. Well I just dont know. So one day I couldnt take it any longer. I went to her house and called her to my car. She came in her pajamas and asked what the problem was with an angry tone. With tears in my eyes I told her how much I cared for her and how I wanted to be with her. I had a total collapse in front of her. She quickly replied and told me how she like our relationship as it was. She also asked if spending less time together would help me. I just starred into the sky. Speechless. She waited a moment and left.

 

Our friendship had a drag for a while but suprisingly within time went back to normal. I was happy, but my heart still longed for her care. Out of nowhere my luck changed. I met a girl at work. She was beautiful, older and very unique. We started to date. She did sweet things like give me flowers, write me little notes and visit me at work. So it worked out for me huh? NO! This girl I was dated was with another person at the same time. She was cheating with me. And to top it all off the other person was a girl. But like the love starved guy that I am, I didnt care. I continued the "bizarre love triangle".

 

All the while my friend (the one I was in love with) became angry and annoying. She told me that I wasnt caring about her feelings. That I shouldnt have kept my relationship with the girl at work a secret. I was mad. I loved this girl sooo damn much and now she pulls all that.

 

Her reasons werent jealously. She thought of it as betrayal. Time passed and I broke it off with the girl from work. Back to the old ways, I started to hang out with my old friend again. She continued to date other guys and I didnt really seem to mind. But recently I have fallen victim to her venomous bite. All my feelings have resurfaced. Lately we have been really close. I go to her house late at night after I get out of class. We have conversations until we fall asleep together, she bakes cookies for me, I feel her reaching for my touch, but I need more. I want her to be my girlfriend. I want to kiss her, hug her just be her everything.

 

My question is, should I tell her about my feelings again? Should I get over it? What should I do? I want to be with her but what would make her want the same thing? Please help ? im confused and I can't think anymore.

 

Any advice is appreciated!

Thanks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Tony T]

I think you should look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are out of your mind. This "friend" has already made a fool out of you once...and you're going to let it happen a second time???

 

Your "friend" doesn't understand fully just how eaten up you are by being around her and watching her date and screw all these other guys. If she did she would be nothing short of an evil bitch. However, the fact that she does put some effort into the friendship and is not a total user tells me she's just nice and plain stupid at the same time. If she had any brains at all, she would insist on a time out on your friendship, of let's say a year or two, for you to get over her and take time to move on and find romance elsewhere.

 

You have already VERY clearly told this "friend" how you feel and she was extremely honest with how she feels. She already knows that you would jump at the chance to be her boyfriend. Maybe she has you around as a reserve. In any case, if she was even slightly interested in you romantically, she would make a move in that direction in between boyfriends or whatever. But she isn't. No matter how much you wish your Honda would turn into a Rolls Royce, it will remain a Honda. No matter how much you wish this friendship will turn into a romance, it will remain a friendship, especially as you have described it.

 

This is how you need to approach it and it's really the ONLY THING YOU CAN DO CONSIDERING YOUR FEELINGS: Tell her that you really love her and would dedicate your life to her but you know she doesn't feel the same way about you. Tell her that because of this, you need to terminate the friendship so you can heal from this. Let her know you want romance in your life and that the only way you will ever achieve that is if she's not around to distract you and be the focus of your desiring. Once you have said those things, the ball will be in her court. If she has even a slight desire for you, she will make a move in that direction then and there. If not, she will grant you your wish to get out of her life. Oh yeah, it will be painful not to hang around her anymore but you are being so very cruel to yourself by doing so that it's borderline masochistic.

 

Now, if you had played your cards honestly and skillfully from the start and pursued this lady as a romantic interest instead of trying to get in through the back door, things may have been different. But you became way too much of a platonic friend to her for her to develop passionate feelings for you. Having her for a friend would have been terrific if you hadn't developed a friendship for her.

 

If you continue to stay around her being so in love yet not having those fellings reciprocated while she tells you about all the guys she's dating and screwing, you ought to check yourself into the nearest looney ward. It's just plain not looking out for your best interests to be so closely wound up wtih someone you are in love with who just likes you as a buddy....even if it's a close buddy. She's not a bad person, you're just........well, just get away from her....for your sake.

[Curt]

I agree with Tony 100%.

 

Wish I had that post I wrote a month or so back...I'd insert it here...but, I don't....so to hell with it....what Tony said!

 

Do what Tony said ... Yesterday, if not sooner.

 

Curt

[moimeme]

I do agree that you're crazy to expect love from her; I think so because she doesn't know what she wants. She uses you as a surrogate companion, getting from you much that a person wants and needs from a relationship (companionship, cuddles, etc) but doesn't get that she's doing that. I think she's pretty messed up and that, in itself, is enough reason to quit on her and try someone else.

 

However (I know there is a whole board about this someplace and I don't tend to read it.)

But you became way too much of a platonic friend to her for her to develop passionate feelings for you

This I don't agree with. I have fallen for friends and I know people who have. Love does consist in the highest feelings of admiration and respect, among other things. You can make a friend and, when you come to know more about that friend, find more and more reasons to be fond of that friend until the fondness develops into full-blown love, complete with passion.

 

Having said that, though, I don't think this person is one who is a good candidate for a relationship at all. Your friendship turned into love; it is unlikely hers will and it sounds like it wouldn't be a good deal for you if it did.

[bestpartsof]

I really appreciate all your advice and help. Im truly looking to find what I need to do to fix my life. I just wish she would see what she was doing. I know shes messed up in many ways, trying to help her would just about kill me.

 

 

Thank You All