Complicated

[wx201]

Around the beginning of the year. New graduate students showed up at my department. I was excited because one of them was interested in poetry and travel. She was from Brazil, but quiet different than the steorotypes most think of. I started by asking her to go to a play one of Shakespear's plays. It was sold out so we decided to go to coffee. Any ways to speed up where I am now not to bore anybody. We went to a few coffees. She started to repeat stuff in class that I said. Example I told her my mother's birthday. Halloween came up in class and she blurted it out and laught. She was staring at me and other. She was touching me more often than other people, I of course shrugged it of for a bit, but I gave in. I gave in to her strong flirt personalaity. I said it. All of the signs that something else was happening was true. I keep asking her questions she keep on anwering them like candy. It was easy to ask her questions. So I get some calls from her and on day we were going to go to a concert at a bar with other friends. She asked if she could come over. I was like sure. Not knowing that inviting this person into my place was a mistake. She started to open draws in my kitchen without even asking and then a minute later says she sorry. I was blown away because who the hell does this even a friend. When I went over to her place I didn't open her **** up. She than sit on my bed and tells me that she never been on a queen size bed before. I'm still thinking what the hell is going on? The youung woman is acting really fast extremely. Anyway I not going to make a move because we are friend, but come on why????? Any ways we get drunk with a bunch of other friends, but I resist the udge. I don't speak for all my SAE brothers, but the True Gentleman does come in handy right about now. We don't do anything. I feel like **** because she all over me. I cannot I will not. So that day pasts and May comes around. She ask my advice on the car she should get I check over the car. It looks good. We drive a bit around becasue she need practice drive. So yes I do do that. Anyways. I like deep in my feelings now the room is feeled with love. She asks me to go to dinner as friends she asks me to go to a moive with another friend. So I ask her to go to coffee and she need help getting part for her car. I'm like this is insane I should just ask the ****ing question? We spend almost the entire day together and I proceed to ask her on a double date? She just says no and I'm like ok. That fine. But an hour goes by were still hanging as friends. I break into tears almost. She knows somethings up. She still her flirty self. Ok so to end it she drops me off at my place. To myself I say this friendship is over. She think I'm in love with her. Really she pushed me to fall for her I could not help it. So then three weeks later e-mail her and the reply is bad and good. The conclusion is the friendship is ruined, but everything will return to normal. Anyways three months past with me trying to remain calm and ask her every once in a while ~2 weeks to do stuff all legit excuses. Here come the painful part. I meet her with some friends at a bar she hugs me and acts the same like nothing happened.

I call her and she says there's nothing to sort out it happens to everyone thanks for calling I cannot hang out today. Ok. I continue believing we are friends. And a month goes by I don't here from her. I see her at a party, but she is totally different. What did I do wrong? Two weeks later I e-mail asking if she was to take a walk. And another legit excuse. Ok I'm now like she doesn't want to even do anything. I proceed to send a clear e-mail asking her if we are friends. She flips out and tells me to move on and forget it. I am in the process right now.

What can I do now with this friend? I respect her wishes. I will move and forget. But it is painful. I know the friendship was over when she sent the first e-mail at the beginning of the summer. But I'm just at a lost on what to do about the friendship. Because it was the best friendship I have had in a long long time with a woman. I am soooo not going to act right now. I need to proceed very lightly with what I do. Cause she still believes I have feelings for her and I may, but each day they are getting smaller and smaller. I was think 8 months to wait to do anything, but than again she has moved on to. What can I dooooooo????