Disappearing act

[Shakz]

I'm growing more concerned about the apparent disappearence of a friend, and could use some advice about how to find her. I went to visit her a few weeks ago, because she said she was interested in selling her motorhome. I decided to buy it but could only afford to pay half and told her I would send the rest in a few weeks. She agreed, we wrote up a contract, and I gave her cash, left with the title to the motorhome and my car in tow. While there I noticed that she had some of her stuff in boxes and some of her furniture was missing. She explained that she was going to have the entire house painted and would be staying for a while at a friend's.

 

Well, I got the money together and called her to see if she was home yet. I didn't want to send a check to an empty house. No answer so I left a couple of messages. Still no response. Since I only knew the first name of the person she was supposed to be staying with, I couldn't call over there. I waited awhile, tried again, and still nothing. E-mailed her, no response. Finally, I found her sister's number, but she said she hadn't heard from her in some time. I asked her if she would go over to the house to check on her. She did. Completely abandoned and she quit her job.

 

She has always been a bit flaky, but I getting worried. I know she has had a gambling problem in the past and I'm wondering if she is running from an unpayable debt, so I don't necessarily want to involve the authorities. Nobody seems to know, or if they do they're not cluing me in. I just want to pay her and get this off the books, and know that she's alright. How do I go about finding this woman?

[2sunny]

set the money aside until you see her - you will.

[ADF]

Given her gambling history, it is quite possible she took your money and ran. It is really the only conclusion you can reasonably draw, given the facts available.

 

Call the police. I know you'd rather not, but you really do have a police problem. Plus, there is an outside chance something bad has happened to her. If that is the case, you want to involve the police sooner rather than later.

[Shakz]

Thanks, guys, for responding.

 

The thing is Sunny, I borrowed part of the remainder and really don't want to pay the interest if I don't have to. I don't want to get a call out of the blue saying "pay me" and not have it.

 

ADF, the problem is that if she owes money to the people I'm thinking she does, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate my getting the police involved. She's Phillipino, and it turns out that the house she had is owned outright by her mother, who lives in the Phillipines. I think she may have fled there, but her sister says otherwise. I'm thinking that's where she is, but she doesn't want anyone to know. She's an old flame, and I do care for her very much, in a fraternal way. I just wish they would be straight with me, and maybe they are, but it's a sizeable sum and could be of great help.

[ADF]

ADF, the problem is that if she owes money to the people I'm thinking she does, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate my getting the police involved. She's Phillipino, and it turns out that the house she had is owned outright by her mother, who lives in the Phillipines. I think she may have fled there, but her sister says otherwise. I'm thinking that's where she is, but she doesn't want anyone to know. She's an old flame, and I do care for her very much, in a fraternal way. I just wish they would be straight with me, and maybe they are, but it's a sizeable sum and could be of great help.

 

I am a little confused. Of course no one "appreciates" it when someone calls the cops on them. But if you're implying the people she owes money to are dangerous, then that's all the more reason to get the authorities involved.

 

You say you only care for her in a "fraternal" way. Given the fact she's an "old flame," that is tough for me to believe. But never mind.

 

The fact is, addicts have no friends, fraternal or otherwise. If you're willing to lose your money, don't call the police. If you want to have some chance of getting it back, you have no choice but to call them. I would bet any amount of money that she is indeed in the Phillipines and her whole family is covering for her.

[Shakz]

I am a little confused. Of course no one "appreciates" it when someone calls the cops on them. But if you're implying the people she owes money to are dangerous, then that's all the more reason to get the authorities involved.

 

You say you only care for her in a "fraternal" way. Given the fact she's an "old flame," that is tough for me to believe. But never mind.

 

The fact is, addicts have no friends, fraternal or otherwise. If you're willing to lose your money, don't call the police. If you want to have some chance of getting it back, you have no choice but to call them. I would bet any amount of money that she is indeed in the Phillipines and her whole family is covering for her.

 

It's not a question of losing money, I owe it, and want to pay. But you are certainly right, she is an addict, and her family may be covering. I actually do have a brotherly love for her, as hard as that may be to believe. She's like a little sister to me. Once that wasn't the case, but it has evolved into that, at least for my part. That's what bothers me the most, that she would hide from me too. But you are probably right, I should let somebody who has the resources to find her know what's going on. I actually live four hours away and am probably just paranoid.

[whichwayisup]

The thing is Sunny, I borrowed part of the remainder and really don't want to pay the interest if I don't have to. I don't want to get a call out of the blue saying "pay me" and not have it.

 

She's disappeared, not your fault. You've called, left messages, asked questions on where she could be. Your part is in this done! She wants the money she can contact you. Give the money back to whomever you borrowed it from and when/if she calls you, then tell her the situation and you need to get the money again, set up a time and place to meet her.