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"Friend" pretty much claims I'm crazy and needs some "time off"

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 9th June 2010, 11:21 PM   #1
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"Friend" pretty much claims I'm crazy and needs some "time off"

So, I said I wouldn't be back on loveshack, but I've never had this happen with a friend before, and am feeling extremely down about it. Of course, the first place I want to go for help and support is loveshack.

Here's the story: this year I became pretty good friends with a girl who is in the same program that I'm in. She's extremely conservative, though that's not much of a surprise for where I'm at. That being said, she's pretty nice, extremely intellectual, and funny. The only negative things I have to say about her are that she is narrow-minded and tends to gossip.

Okay. So, we've become better friends, and I feel like I can open up more about myself, like how I was put in a mental ward at tweleve years of age for having a nervous breakdown when I lived with my abusive step-mother and father, and that I went through a stint when I thought I was gay after that and am still bi (even though I'm not practicing, since I too am Catholic). So, she seemed fine with all of that after I told her, but the next day she started making these patronizing remarks that were uncharacteristic of her, so I called her out on it.

Later that night, we had a long talk. She feigned innocence and stated that I misread what she intended to say. We discussed how better to communicate and (seemingly) resolved the issues. We normally hang out every evening, but we didn't tonight. So, I texted and said, "Movie tomorrow night?" And she responded with, "I think we need to take some time off and not hang out until next Monday or so." (We were supposed to go to an amusement park with some mutual friends on Monday.) I responded that I didn't understand, because I thought we clarified everything the night before, and she said she felt like she was walking on egg shells and needed some time away from me to relax.

Okay, so, clearly, one shouldn't be in a friendship that makes her feel so anxious, so I told her it was perhaps best to end the friendship. She then said I was blowing things way out of proportion, that she was worried about me, and that I need to "talk to someone I can trust", because I'm not acting like myself, and that I'm not thinking straight. After all this she claims to still like me.

I really like this girl, but what a bitchy thing to say to someone who has just admitted to being put in a mental hospital not but a few days before.
I just don't know that I should continue this friendship--it doesn't seem she wants to, but when I try to break it off, she claims that I'm the one blowing things out of proportion and she wants to stay friends.

What do I do? I mean, after this "break" is up, I don't think I really want to be friends with someone who feels this way about me. Ugh. This is why I avoided becoming friends with someone in the same department as I am for so long: I'll probably see her at conferences for the rest of my life, and how freaking awkward to be around someone who knows your deepest and darkest secrets, and is probably talking trash about you to other members in your field behind your back (remember, I said one of her biggest faults is gossip).

What should I do? Am I wrong to assume that someone who wants a break and thinks I am nuts ultimately doesn't want to be my friend?
The people are more prudent and stable, and have better judgement than a prince.
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Old 10th June 2010, 10:21 PM   #2
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So, I said I wouldn't be back on loveshack,
Everyone says this, and eventually comes back. LS is slightly addictive ya know!

Your friend is an idiot and it seems, in my opinion, she judged you because of your past. If she is a 'true' friend, your past and your issues should not get in the way. Maybe she can't handle that kind of stuff and/or maybe she's afraid 'what if it happens again, how am I going to deal with that'? .. Either way, give her that time apart and don't you be the one calling her. When she calls, tell her the truth, that you're disappointed and hurt. Explain why you're upset (opening up something very painful and personal) with her and go from there. Maybe she isn't the type of friend to get too personal with, maybe she's more of a 'fun' friend. Either way, if I were in your shoes and someone did that to me, I'd be pissed off and feeling hurt too. And, I'd probably not want to continue any friendship as the trust wouldn't be there anymore.
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Old 10th June 2010, 10:29 PM   #3
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There is nothing worse than opening yourself up to someone, exposing your vulnerability, only to get smacked with a piece of their judgement.

I had a guy do this too me. We had been dating for a year and I opened up to him about being sexullly abused as a kid. He got distant after that and ended up telling me I had freaked him out and my admission weirded him out. We broke up shortly after- he couldn't handle my story. I walked away from that relationship feeling ashamed of myself, and it took me a long time to get over his judgement.

When people judge, it's not about you- it's about them. This girl doesn't sound like a good friend. There are plenty of people out there that just wouldn't be phased by your story.
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