Hearbroken

[DreamerGirl27]

Ugh...okay, this may get long. I sent this guy that I like a myspace friend request last semester and he accepted it and started talking to me (a lot). He asked me for my number the last day of school and started texting me NONSTOP all throughout winter break. Like, NONSTOP. I had over 1000 text messages from him over a period of 1 week, for a couple of weeks and a lot of them were at night. We would talk from 10pm until 4am sometimes. I was so sure he liked me-liked me, until he started saying some weird stuff. He started telling me about other girls he likes and stuff and well basically, I finally started to get the hint that maybe he didn't like me. Yet, he still kept texting. He even signed up for another class I was taking, just so he could be in it with me this semester.

 

 

 

Anyway, it wasn't until the middle of this semester that he finally told me flat out he doesn't like me like that (he knows I like him). I was like, well, great. Anyway, I made the decision to try and remain his friend, but he did something recently that I don't think I can forgive him for. He doesn't even know I'm mad at him and is acting like nothing happened.

 

 

He tried to invite me somewhere last weekend. He didn't get all the way through inviting me, he just started the conversation out "Hey do you like ::insert thing he was inviting me to here:: ?" I told him no, 'cause I wasn't really interested in the thing he was inviting me to, but I did tell him I'd go with him if he needed people to go with. So then he said he might invite his brother. It was a 2 day thing, so I asked him if I went if he wanted me to go to both nights with him, he was just like, "We'll see". I tried to make it clear that I wanted to go anyway. The way the conversation was going, I was unclear if I was going or not. He kind of left me hangin'... So, I brought it up to him again a couple nights later and he said that it looks like it's going to just be a guy's not out type of deal. So, I was like, cool, glad he has people to go with now. (The event he was inviting me to was sort of geared more towards something guys would like.)

 

 

Well...this is where it gets bad. Really bad. After the weekend, he posted what an amazing weekend he had and some girl posted under it that she was glad she could be apart of it and it was pretty amazing for her, too.

 

I know I should be completely mad and over him after this, but I'm not.

 

 

 

This guy has made me laugh and smile uncontrollably, and now he's making me cry uncontrollably and sleep a ridiculous amount of hours I don't normally sleep because I am so depressed. I have never been this depressed. I just want this semester to be over with and I don't ever want to see him again. I know he doesn't like me like that, but as friends, I don't like being lied to. Plus, if he likes me as "Just a friend" like he says he does, why is lying to me and telling me he's going to a "guy's night out type of deal" when he is bringing another girl? He should have just told me, "Hey I'm bringing this girl and I don't need you to go..." Or something...was he trying to spare my feelings in some sort of bizarre and awkward way? I would think that, but he always talks to me about other girls he thinks he's "falling for" anyway. So, I would think he wouldn't care.

 

 

He's also really fickle and shallow. He told me about this one girl he was "falling for" that he went out with twice, and then decided he didn't like her anymore because of her choice in movies.

 

 

 

I know how to pick 'em, don't I? lol

 

 

Anyway, I know I need to either A) cut ties completely or B) get over it, shove my feelings into the pit of my stomach, and remain his friend and know that's all it's ever going to be, but at the moment all I can do is C) ...

 

 

Feel heartbroken, and let him continue to talk to me all the time while in the mean time, things are just getting worse and worse for me.

 

 

 

It's REALLY difficult right now, especially being in a class with him. Things are going to be much easier once this semester ends and I know I don't have to see him twice a week, every week. I'm trying to remain calm and pretend like nothing is wrong, when everything is all wrong.

 

To make matters worse, he keeps facebook IMing me now. This has been going on for awhile. He is constantly contacting me in some way. If it's not myspace, it's text...if it's not text, it's facebook. It's always him talking to me first, too. I made the first attempt at contacting him last semester. I sent him a myspace friend request and when he started talking to me, I sent him a facebook friend request. He took everything else from there. HE got MY number. I figured if he didn't like me, he'd do what every other guy on my myspace and facebook does. Accept me so he can up his number of friends and then ignore me. He did the exact opposite... He put me on his top friends on myspace. No other guy I know has me on his top friends. Not even my friends I talk to sometimes. Crap, I don't even talk to my other guy friends except maybe once in a blue moon.

 

He also wants to be in a band with me. We started a band that we've only practiced twice for. That's the other problem. I want to be in a band (I'm going for a music degree in school) and this is the first band I've been in in a long time, even though it's not really going anywhere. I want a band really bad, but I can't be in a band with a guy I like who doesn't like me.

 

He REALLY wants to be JUST my friend. How am I supposed to say no to that? How do you push a guy away that you like? How am I supposed to NOT talk to him when he wants to talk?

 

Grrrr...he is literally torturing me. I'm heartbroken being his friend, because I'm always going to want more...but I'm heartbroken trying to NOT be his friend, too. I tried ignoring him on FB. I put myself on block.

I lasted 4 days...

Took myself off block after 4 days...

 

WHY WHY WHY is he doing this to me?

 

 

 

 

I don't know what to do. Do I just wait the next agonizing month and a half I have left of school and then cut all ties, or cut all ties outside of school now? and how do I even go about doing this??? Every time I try and block myself on facebook, I can't keep it up.

 

 

 

This is killing me. I'm not okay.