Do you take time to go out with your depressed friends?

[Cricket96]

You know the saying, "A person's acquaintances can fill an empire, but a person's friends are but a few." I feel that I have "friends," yet I don't really think they're my friends anymore. Sure we'll text each other and when I need to cry, they are there to listen, but on weekends I just feel so alone. My so-called best friend is engaged and doesn't like to hang out unless it's with her man or with a larger group, so as much as I try to encourage her to go out with me (like watching a movie and I let her pick the movie), she's just not interested. I broke up with my guy 3 years ago and I've felt alone since. I have another good friend who lives 25 miles away from me, but she's always busy hanging with her other friends (whom I don't mesh well with because I'm introverted), but when she's in my area, she does make an effort to hang out with me, which I truly appreciate. I have former coworkers who have become friends that I can hang with, but they're in that "out of sight, out of mind" mode right now. As much as I try to text, email, call them, you get this feeling that they don't want to chat. They don't respond to my texts until late at night when I'm asleep, yet when I hang with them, they're very warm and I feel great again. Then the next day they're back to "out of sight, out of mind" and the distance grows.

 

I find it sad how you hear about people committing suicide and then their friends would be like, "I didn't know he/she was that depressed. Wish I could've been there for them." (That happened to one of my friend's friend. He committed suicide when my friend was dating my cousin.)

 

I have told my so-called best friend COUNTLESS times when I'm sad or depressed and how I contemplated suicide (I won't act on it though because I know there's more to life), but she just thinks I'm being a complainer. She gives me a response like, "Why are you depressed again? I like staying home. I have lots to do like paint, etc. Find something to do."

 

Two hours ago, I got home from work and texted, "I look forward to the weekends, but it also makes me sad and depressed." NO RESPONSE YET.

 

When I search up on some questions about depressed friends on Yahoo Answers, I noticed some people are usually harsh with their depressed friends. I am not gloomy when around my friends. When I am around them, I feel happy. When my weekend has not one activity planned, I get very depressed. It only takes 1 activity to make my weekend fulfilled, but most of the time, I am just home on the internet because no one wants to go out with me.

 

I try to fake optimism as much as possible. I try hard not to talk about my depression because I know no one wants to hear about it, but all this bottled up emotions makes me want to explode sometimes because aren't friends suppose to be there when you're sad? Aren't they suppose to give you a listening ear??? I don't want to call them to cry about this because it'll just make everything weird, but I just want to go out on a Friday night, hang out at the coffee shop, the mall, the movies, anything!

 

So do you actually make an effort to hang out with your friends whom you know are depressed or sad?

[green_tea]

So what are you doing to get yourself out of your depression? How long have you been feeling like this? Have you tried counselling?

 

Friends are supposed to be there for you when you're down, but there is only so much they can do. Why did you send a text like that to your friends? What did you expect them to say back? I myself wouldn't ignore a text like that from a friend, but I know a lot of people would. You said you are trying to fake optimism, but that text doesn't sound like you are does it?

 

You do need to be able to talk to your friends when you're feeling low, but you also need to take time to listen to them and take an interest in what they are doing - maybe they think you only talk and never take time out to listen? Everyone has their own problems, no matter how perfect their lives may seem.

 

Sorry I hope I haven't been too harsh - I really hope you are feeling better soon, and try to get better. I'm in a similar position to you - my weekends are often spent alone too, and it gets me down sometimes, but I have a lot of hobbies and interests that keep me occupied - I think your friend has a point about finding something to do - some of the things I've taken up are drawing and sewing, and it gives me a sense of accomplishment to get better at these things - sewing in particular, when I can actually make something wearable. It gives me something to feel good about.

 

Good luck.

[PlumPrincess]

Get "A guide to rational living" by Albert Ellis and read it. I found it really helpful for myself.

 

You need to learn to take more responsibility for your moods and your life.

 

I have told my so-called best friend COUNTLESS times when I'm sad or depressed and how I contemplated suicide (I won't act on it though because I know there's more to life), but she just thinks I'm being a complainer. She gives me a response like, "Why are you depressed again? I like staying home. I have lots to do like paint, etc. Find something to do."

I understand that you feel lonely and you would like your friends to be more helpful, but when I read this, I think you are creating unnecessary drama and your friends are simply not willing to get drawn into it, which I completely understand. I find it quite immature to use suicide threats to manipulate people into doing what you want and the reason they are not reacting to it is that they are seeing through the drama.

 

And if your friend likes staying at home, you should not expect her to go out of her way in order to fulfill a need that you have. It's your need, so find someone else who has the same need.

 

Two hours ago, I got home from work and texted, "I look forward to the weekends, but it also makes me sad and depressed." NO RESPONSE YET.

Imagine your friend sending you messages like that and I wonder if you were willing to reply.

[Jang.hye]

I do sometimes take time to hang out with a friend whose depressed or sad..i always wanted to help and to cheer my friends up to lessen the depression..but sometimes if he/she is getting too dramatic of what's happening to her, i don't think I could even help anymore. He/she should also know her limit, it's not that every time you would feel depressed that you could force your friends to go out with you. I know the sayings, "what friends are for" but it's always depends on the situation. You should know that friends are just your companion if you could no longer take the situation you're going through, you're still the one who is responsible for helping yourself out of the hitch. Find something that could make you busy so you won't feel the depression you're having. Stay safe.

[Cricket96]

 

 

Imagine your friend sending you messages like that and I wonder if you were willing to reply.

 

I would quickly text back to say, "Then let's go see a movie!" or "Come over to my house to hang."

 

Very simple.

[PlumPrincess]

I would quickly text back to say, "Then let's go see a movie!" or "Come over to my house to hang."

 

Very simple.

That's what you're thinking now... I don't quite understand why you would send such a negative message instead of something more positive and cheerful or something that would indicate some energy coming from you, like the suggestion to go to the cinema, theater, a party, some cultural event, or whatever is going on in your town. You tell your friends you're miserable, which is very likely not the first time they heard that from you, and you expect them to pick you up and do something to make you feel better. After a while most people will think you're a grown up and old enough to take care of your own emotional well-being. You think your friends are selfish, but they think that it's you who is selfish, because everything centers around your unhappiness and your demands that they make you happy as if they didn't have their own problems going on in their life.

[Phateless]

I would quickly text back to say, "Then let's go see a movie!" or "Come over to my house to hang."

 

Very simple.

 

That's what you're thinking now... I don't quite understand why you would send such a negative message instead of something more positive and cheerful or something that would indicate some energy coming from you, like the suggestion to go to the cinema, theater, a party, some cultural event, or whatever is going on in your town. You tell your friends you're miserable, which is very likely not the first time they heard that from you, and you expect them to pick you up and do something to make you feel better. After a while most people will think you're a grown up and old enough to take care of your own emotional well-being. You think your friends are selfish, but they think that it's you who is selfish, because everything centers around your unhappiness and your demands that they make you happy as if they didn't have their own problems going on in their life.

 

Plum is dead right. You have to ADD VALUE, for people to enjoy hanging out with you. With those kinds of messages, you are not adding any value to interactions, you are taking it.

 

Find something to do that your friends will enjoy, then invite them to it. NO NEGATIVITY. See what happens.

 

I am much more likely to respond to a friend who texts me saying "omg, band X is playing in your town tonight. want to go??" than a friend who texts me saying "i'm bored and lonely, will you take care of me?"

 

See the difference? Which text would you rather receive?

[Els]

How long have you been this way?

 

Thing is, if it's just a rough spot in your life that you need help with, sure, true friends should ALWAYS help. But if you've been depressed for 3 years...

 

1. You need professional help. Really. For your own sake.

2. Nobody wants to hang with someone who's emo and depressed All. The. Time. If they were your partner or sibling or parent they might suck it up because they love you, but a friend? Not a chance.

 

I really think you should start seeking more friends in your area if it bothers you this much to be alone, instead of coercing your old ones into going out of their way for you through pity. Thing about friends is that they're rarely permanent, and you should never expect them to be so. You move away or leave a job, you might be able to keep your friends for a while, but chances are you'll drift apart, change, find new interests, marry, etc, and you won't be such good friends anymore. Sucks, but that's life. Just gotta find some new ones.

[PlumPrincess]

So, how are things going for you?